to never want to make cake again

[cheeseparcels]

My hithertofo innocent and lovely twelve year olds have just had friends round. Normally they make iMovies and play hide and seek but not this time. They've put on facemasks and I heard one of them refer to boys as hot and do the sort of wavey pop dance I detest. They've made unfeminist comments that make my skin crawl. They're all having a brilliant time.

I am so arsed off though. just this morning the children asked me to clean the house for their friends to make it specially nice (I took two f-ing hours) and then make them all pizza and cake and I trudged round the shops two miles away buying all the ingredients this afternoon and then made them the pizza and cake and JUST BEFORE I was about to give them their supper they went off to the sweet shop and, it transpired, all five kids pooled their money and spent seventeen pounds on biscuits and doughnuts and chocolate, and stuffed themselves on the way back - and then all five of the little f-ers left their f-ing dinner (very politely told me they weren't hungry and could they have an apple).

LITTLE @@@@@@

Advice please. Am I unreasonable to feel silent rage or is that the lot of this stage of parenting, particularly if I want to make sure my kids always feel comfortable bringing their friends back home throughout their teenage years.

What can I do to prepare myself for the teenage years...

I didn't say anything btw - I was charm itself. The kids think I'm a lovely mum -they don't know I'm internally having a swear fest.

No advice, but well done on keeping your rage inside. I’m sure that’s healthy.

Kids that age are selfish just leave them to it. Next time maybe ask them what they want and order pizza in if they do want it (dependant on finances obviously!). At least they’ve been polite!

What sort of cake?

Sorry but 😂
They are finding their feet to ‘the next level’ and kind of on the cusp, it sounds like they are having the most brilliant time!
Please open some wine 🍷

This sounds like typical 12yos to me, OP! I'd want to scream too, but they're not doing anything really out of the ordinary, imo. Eat the cake yourself!

OP, stop being a martyr and start having some boundaries. You do not have to slave for hours, cleaning shopping and cooking for these spoiled and ungrateful brats.
If they want a clean house for their friends to visit, they can damn well clean it themselves. And the next time they ask for home made cake, refuse - and when they ask why, remind them what happened last time.
You are not a servant, and you are doing your DC no favours by raising them in such an indulgent and spoiled fashion. They will take you completely for granted.
I think you should sit them down after the friends have gone home, and read the riot act. Let them know exactly how angry, upset and used you feel, and tell them this is going to change from now onwards. They need to learn to respect you and appreciate you, and they also need to be doing a fair share of the cleaning and cooking, every day, not just when they expect visitors.

@GruciusMalfoy the sad thing is I'm meant to have given up sugar and now I've eaten half a chocolate cake.
They're having a brilliant time.
The honest truth is - I feel a little left out.
They always used to include me
I liked being in their iMovies.

Now I'm Janey No Mates on the sofa.

Well being left out as kids grow up is par for the course. Get used to it.

But, you still have half a cake. whereas I could point out many, many people have no cake at all *coff coff.

@Babdoc. It's only one day of martyrdom I hope. They're good little girls really. But this growing up - are my instincts right? I want to make my home a place the girls feel they can bring their friends back. I will have a word with them for next time (and to be fair, one of them crept downstairs and apologised without me even saying anything). But it's the first evening when I've realised that the teenage years ARE ON THEIR WAY!

It's true about the cake. And the wine. Abstinence can be for another day.

Sound like teenagers...they can help you tidy up tomorrow, cake together in the afternoon (if you're sharing that is!). Enjoy the peace or the wine!

I think you might be trying a bit too hard. I'd be inclined to tell your daughters 'your friends are welcome, but they will have to take us as they find us, so I won't be putting on a special menu for them and if you think the house needs cleaning, you can put on your pinnies and do it'.

Boundaries I'm afraid. DDs are having mates over tonight won't be here before midnight. Room shuffling happening. I've not cleaned tidied or made a bed. But all bedrooms have been cleaned and at a minimum there are clean sheets in every room. I doubt all the beds are made though! DDs 14, 14&15. Teach them how and then take a big step back.

Uh oh the selfish years are starting...
Let them have their fun tonight then tomorrow when everyone has gone home, sit them down and explain gently why what they did was inconsiderate.
Next time you clean the house together, make the cake together so they understand the effort.

@cheeseparcels where are you and what flavour cake? (sorry, v important questions here...)

Oh my, I remember those days well! Some of the most fun times of my life were sneaking off to the shop to buy junk and hanging out in a sunny park to have a picnic - of sorts! There's something special about starting to go to the supermarket without your parents to buy things like big bottles of Appletiser and giant tubs of ice cream and a multipack of spoons so everyone can dig in... It's the start of independence and it's lovely. Heartbreaking for you though coming to the realisation that they're growing up! Maybe chuck them a fiver and ask them to grab something for you too while they're there. It's a way you can be included whilst extending a bit of freedom, you will probably bond with them over it and be seen as a cool mum and I'm sure they will appreciate your sort-of blessing!

TitsInAbsentia Oi. You join the queue.

@TitinAbsentia. It is excellent cake
@MummyFriend. thanks for the empathy. Actually I was voted the coolest mum by my kid's friends last week! I cannot tell you how proud this made me feel. My kids were really proud too. No wonder I went the extra mile with the cake!
I'll havde a word with them tomorrow - but to be fair, one of them has already come downstairs of her own volition and apologised for eating before dinner. She won't do it again - her sister might though.
I am indeed sad at the thought of them growing up and away. I have so much enjoyed our tight family life (even though they are also funny and interesting at this age too). But hey ho.