To wonder how he can love me and go a whole week without seeing me?

[Sara2021]

Ex and I split a few years ago, but we got back together in January 2019. He still lives in the rented flat 10 mins away, I only see him when he comes to pick the kids up at the weekends and that’s it. If we do spend any time together, it’s because I ask him to come round. He never comes round on his own, it’s been like this for a year and I’m just tired of it. I’ve spoken to him about this for months and months, he promises to change and will come round a few times a week and make the effort, but slowly goes back to his old ways which is once a week when he comes to pick the kids up.

I just miss having a partner, someone to spend time with and share my life with. He says he loves me but how is that possible if he goes a whole week without seeing me whilst living 10 mins away? He also doesn’t initiate contact unless I call/text him first.

AIBU to just let this marriage go? In the beginning I missed him a lot, but as time went on I don’t miss him as much and just got used to being on my own with the kids. I still have feelings for him though, which is why I kept trying.

We split up because he was lazy, never helped with the kids and left me to do everything and never listened to me, just empty promises. I guess a leopard never changes its spots.

He’s had a whole year to change, I can’t do this anymore.

Cut your losses OP. You gave him time to change and he didn't. You're better off on your own than with this arse hole.

AIBU to just let this marriage go?

I think it’s over. He doesn’t sound like he’s adding anything of value to your life and it doesn’t sound like it’s much of a relationship. Do your children think you’re back together? Why did he never move back in with you all? It must be confusing for everyone.

You sound fed up and I can see why.

Civil/friendly co parenting is the best resolution, I’d leave the love stuff aside and focus on that. If you want another relationship in the future you need to free yourself properly so you can find someone who loves spending time with and makes you happy.

We split up because he was lazy, never helped with the kids and left me to do everything and never listened to me, just empty promises

So right now he is getting weekly sex (presuming the relationship is physical?), none of the responsibility or burden of family life, none of the taking care of the house or bills, and none if the commitment involved in an actual relationship. Basically he has a marriage but with none of the boring bits.

He's a dickhead, OP and you deserve better than someone who is using you for convenience.

Why would he, when you're doing all the donkey work with the kids. He's living the life of a single man. Perhaps in his eyes that's what he is.
I think you need to call it a day. You gave him many chances, but he's happy with things how they are. You're not. Time to cut him loose, he's dead weight and you can get on with your life and move on.

To be honest for partners who don't live together then seeing each other once a week isn't highly unusual if you are both busy and working etc so I don't think it's a question that you can't love someone if you don't see them more than once a week. Take long distance relationships for example or partners who work away, therefore your thread title is a little silly and offensive. However it seems like there is more going on here and if you are pushing for more time and he is resisting them maybe it's just not working.

He has the best of both world's on a plate.

@AnneLovesGilbert We wanted to take it slow, and see if we could still make it work before moving in together. And I was an idiot to think we would be seeing each other everyday now that he lived 10 mins from me, DS3 literally walks to his and back sometimes, that's how close he lives to me.

@Hoik yes we had sex on Sunday when he dropped the kids off, because I asked him to stay so we could spend some time together once the kids were in bed. He left after 2 hours, and got a text on Wednesday asking how's the kids? And that's that.

Are you friends with benefits still, he gets a single life and home comforts. Why would he change?

He dropped the kids off at 8pm, fed them dinner and everything so they were ready for bed and he left at 10pm I feel like an idiot

Yep, talk is cheap.
Go by his actions. You're his fallback.
Move on, OP, otherwise he'll just keep you hanging on.

Well, he’s not changed then has he?

If we do spend any time together, it’s because I ask him to come round. He never comes round on his own,

So never have you ever gone round to his place? Maybe he’s tired of always being the one going to your place?

Doesn’t matter, it sounds like your relationship is dead as a dodo anyway.

He's having his cake and eating it. Tell him to sling his hook.

Does he still talk about wanting to be together?

It sounds like this is so one sided. Does he even consider himself in a relationship?