To find DH's habit irritating??

[Scratchyback]

My DH and I work together and yesterday friends of ours (that due to distance we see rarely, but are very fond of) were passing through, dropped in to say hello and borrow a couple of things. Thing is, DH didn't tell me and I was at my workspace and didn't know who he was talking to (I could hear voices in the corridor and assumed it was someone for him). They stayed about 15/20 mins and left. If it was a one-off and he 'forgot' to give me a shout so I could say hello, that would be understandable. But he has a habit of doing this kind of thing. Quite often. Likes to be in charge of stuff. Keeping things that involve me from me for seemingly no reason. Any thoughts? Its very annoying and I'm a bit upset tbh, I'd have liked to chat to them. DH knows I certainly would have had time to. I would share with him all the bits of my day and would never have left him out.

If it’s a regular occurrence it makes him a bit of a dick to be honest.

What an asshole, agree with @LeekMunchingSheepShagger if it was a once off thing I'd be annoyed but get over it, the fact he does this kind of thing alot is really dickish and seems a bit controlling. I wonder if the friends asked if you were around? That seems like an obvious question

I find it more odd that your friends didn’t ask where you were if they live so far away and don’t get to see you regularly

If he regularly does this, it sounds as though he likes to control your social interactions.

Was it a bloke? Was it DH's friend first?

I'm erring on the side of HIBU but just checking.

They wouldn't have known I was there as we have an underground car park and they wouldn't have seen my car. I agree - it is weird as they would certainly have asked after me!! I'm going to ask him if they did.

I'd be annoyed if my DH did this. Something really inconsiderate about it

If you hear him talking to someone again, go straight down. See his reaction to that. Tbh you should confront him about it

That’s shit! He’s being a controlling dick.

Yes I don't think its sinister at all, just inconsiderate and its like he needs to know more than me, if that makes sense. I know that sounds a bit odd as its a small enough problem, I think.

Is this typical of him? I know someone who would do this and enjoy telling his partner all about their visit afterwards.

I would probably be a bit petty, and message them to say that you are sorry to have missed them, and DH didn't tell you until after they left.

Sorry op but this is really controlling

Yep, controlling.

He is your gatekeeper.

It is a bit shit. As a one off I wouldn’t think anything of it but as it’s a regular occurrence, it seems deliberate.

On the other hand dh sometimes as the opposite problem and that annoys me too. So if his parents phone, no matter where I am (even if I’m in the loo) he’ll come in and shove the phone in my face to say hi! Or when his friends pop in (the live locally, they’re here all the time) he will call me down to say hi, even if I’m cooking or busy with the kids upstairs! Its bloody annoying 😂

Did you ask him why he didn’t call you over or let you know?

If not, do ask him. His answer might give you some clues.

Does he think of them as his friends? Did they ask after you? What did he say? Did he think they were just popping in for a couple of minutes so didn’t think to call you over?

He thought I was busy he says, and realises now that he should have called me. They have called in the past and one of us has been out as we are in and out of the office so apparently they didn't ask whether I was there, probably assumed I wasn't. I'm not sure what to think really.

I work with a woman who acts like this. If you need information from her and there are six points involved, she'll give you four. The other two, you don't know that you don't know about them, iyswim, and she'll pretend that they don't exist until you find out later and then she'll deny all knowledge. I think it's just control freakery and a desire to have more power than others, somehow 🤷🏼‍♀️

Send the text that hadalifeonce suggested. And add to it that if they are still in the area or coming back the same way, to let you know as you would love to see them.

And your husband sounds like a dick actually. If he does this sort of thing often then he is controlling who you see/speak to. That's not a minor issue.

This maybe a man thing. My husband will have a very interesting conversation with someone we know and not mention it to me for days and then he forgets most of the details, even the highlights. Sometimes someone we know have told him earth shattering news and he won't mention it for days, if ever.

Example; So many times in our long, very fucking long marriage, he's insisted to me, "I already told you about that" And I reply something like, 'No you didn't. I wouldn't forget that John had been in a life changing accident - how could I forget you told me something like that''?

It drives me up the wall.

Maybe it's not a man thing because our son (30's) tells me about interesting conversations right away and remembers all the deets - even impersonates the persons voice - bless him.

So if his parents phone, no matter where I am (even if I’m in the loo) he’ll come in and shove the phone in my face to say hi!

My husband got short shrift when he tried that shit when we first got together. I’d be in my pyjamas and his brother would FaceTime and he’d angle the phone to me to speak. Off you fuck!! Hate it.