best friend hasn't contacted me all year!

[yeezy]

Pretty sure I am overreacting and being U here.

So, I've been close friends with this girl all my life. There is a tendency for my friends to come to me with their problems, because they know I'll help - no problem! I don't mind listening, and I don't do it for any reward - but, I guess I do expect some support too.

Last October, this friend decided she was going to leave her cheating boyfriend. This was traumatic for her because he had had an emotional affair, and she was doubting herself. She was really in a bad way. She rang me every day for about 3 weeks after work for about an hour at a time - just ranting and I was listening. I also stayed at her house whenever she asked because she was being sick/having panic attacks about dumping him.

When she eventually dumped him, she increased the phonecalls throughout the day and I tried to reply when possible.

I was also going through a bad time with a boyfriend (who was constantly giving me the silent treatment/calling me manipulative). I've posted about him before on here - there was a coffee shop incident which saw him break up with me over asking what time he would be back from doing his hobby to pick me up. Yeah that weird guy.

So whilst I was giving her this support, she was aware that I had had a shit time - my family friend passed away, my mum had a breakdown, I had to have CT scans because I kept blacking out. Just not good.

Before Christmas, my friend told me she was going to give boyfriend one more chance. I tried to be supportive. She got back with him.

She lives away from where I live, but came home for Christmas. She was back for 3 weeks. We were meant to meet up, but the day before she text me saying she had gone back home as her boyfriend had a surprise for her that day. Fair enough I thought - these things happen.

She said we would meet up the first w/end of Jan to catch up. She never got in touch.

Not a Happy New Year text, no asking about my situation ... nothing.

My situation as it happens is still shit - ex-boyfriend still won't return my things to me, speaks to me as if the relationship hasn't ended, all the time not taking accountability for being a dick.

AIBU to cut her out of my life? My other friend says I am being dramatic, but I am really hurt.

I'm glad to hear he is now properly your ex - I remember your thread(s) and he's a dick is the anything of any irreplaceable value that he has of yours? I would write it off, delete and block.
Your friend sounds le ine - very full on when she was having boyfriend trouble, on the surface of it very supportive to me but I got quite seriously ill 8 months ago and haven't heard a thing from her. Well, two Facebook replies to my posts, which the cynic in me says were clearly done to keep up appearances with mutual friends. I'm gobsmacked and hurt, but fine, I know where I stand now and I no longer consider her a friend. I'm not going to have any drama, (she has form...) we have lots of mutual friends, I'm just not going to buy a ticket the next time(s) she invites me onto her drama train.Can you do similar?

Sounds like she used you. It was okay when she needed you but now she is back with her boyfriend you aren't needed anymore.

Not really a friend is she?

I'd be quite worried actually that I had not heard anything from her since she went back to the boyfriend for the surprise. Have you seen proof she is OK in any other form e.g. On social media if not I would be very worried something bad had happened to her.

She’s not really a friend is she? She’s using you for when she needed you and dumped you the second she didn’t. Get rid, you’ll feel happier for it!

@SmileCheese

She's still on social media posting regularly

She's still on social media posting regularly

In which case she is not a friend she is just using you. I would just forget about her and focus on those friends you have who put as much effort into your friendship as you do.

She probably resents all the bad stuff she told you about her bf. She doesn't want to be reminded of it when you talk. She wants to pretend that the breakup didn't happen and not face reality.

Or

The bf is aware of the support you gave her and has stopped her from contacting you.

Give her time. She'll need you again.

Give her time. She'll need you again.

See, I needed her these last few weeks and she wasn't there. Maybe she will need me again, but I feel so let down that I just want to tell her to get on with it.

It's probably me being unreasonable. But my ex is/was the same - he dumped me, but I have to listen to him saying how sad / depressed he is.

I just feel like a doormat all the time, and no one actually wants to listen or care for me

I'm sorry, she is not a friend. She was just using you. I would build more friendships and busy yourself. If she does phone you again then just explain you're busy and will call back another time. Dont give her any more of your time.

She is just embarrassed, let things lie for the time being.

No, you're not being unreasonable, OP. This friend sounds like a user. There are a lot of people like that. I used to make friends like that, and I think you'd have been justified in saying I was co-dependent. One particular friend used to talk to me constantly about how shit her life was, and she was also bi-polar. But there was one occasion that should have shown me that she was a user, I tried to tell her about how I was feeling and she asked me to 'change the subject.'

I still didn't want to face that. Finally, she told me that she was in debt and her flat was going to be repossessed and asked if we would lend her money, it was a substantial sum. She claimed that she would be selling her other property so would be able to pay us back in a couple of months. Long story short, it turned out that her debts amounted to more than the value of her 2 property. (She was addicted to spending money on clothes.)

We did stay in touch for a short time afterwards; she was sectioned and was in hospital for 2 months. We didn't really see each other, but she sent Christmas cards with newsletters recounting where she had gone for holidays. It was galling and DH would always say, 'I wonder if there's going to be a cheque enclosed?' Obviously, it petered out and she's no loss.

I've learned my lesson now and don't have friends like her anymore. I'm obviously not saying that your friend is that bad but it looks like your friendship is following a similar pattern. There are so many of people like this, as is clear from the CF threads on here.

By "all year" do you mean the three-weeks-and-a-bit of 2020 we've had so far?

Bit dramatic.

@Lizzie030869

It is a pattern that has occurred before.

I moved to her city to complete a graduate programme for 12 months about 3 years ago now. She would constantly pester me when I was moving down etc. I was struggling back then with bad anxiety and the city was so vast I needed a reassuring friend!

She was sending texts every day about how we'd do all these things together, and that we should live together - she told me it would be the best to have her best friend in the city with her.

She said she would meet me at the train station on the day I moved down, which she did. She stayed with me an hour and then announced she was off to a dinner party with her boyfriend. She ignored my texts (think I only sent about 2 but still) for the next week as she was in bed in the evenings smoking weed with the boyfriend.

When she eventually met up with me, she said I was being "too clingy" expecting to hang out with her (it was my first week in a new city!) and that she was flaky don't expect too much from her...

this ended with HER crying and ME apologizing.

@RaveOnThisCrazyFeeling clearly a joke, but thanks for your helpful comment

My best friend is like this. She's the most self centred person I know. We can talk on the phone for hours and she won't ask about me once and if I try to mention anything she cuts me off and goes back to her car crash of a life.
She splits up with her fella every week, and calls me to cry and moan this is the last time, he means it this time, then Monday morning they are right as rain again.
Yawnnnnn it's predictable now so I leave her to her own drama. I haven't met up with her for nearly a year coz my days off work I could be doing something better than hearing the same drama. Some people thrive on it and just don't care about anyone else. Leave her to it and next time she wants support, you're busy!

but I have to listen to him saying how sad / depressed he is
WHAT?
WHY?
Block him.
He dumped YOU!
Tell him to fuck off with his sad depression.
He won't return your things. If they are of value then contact 101 and ask for their advice.
But please stop giving him any of your attention!
You are allowing this.
You are enabling his shitty behaviour.
Stop it!!!!
Take back control of YOUR life.
Stop listening to his bullshit!