Sil abusive bf

[HeidiHoNeighbour]

My sil (dh sis) has a history of abusive relationships.
She has children and we thought she’d now realised that she had to put her kids and herself first before she ends up dead.
The father of her youngest has just been released from prison for holding a knife to her throat whilst she was breast feeding.
My DH has distanced himself from her because she keeps taking him back and she’s done it again.

I help with the kids (older kids don’t see their dad due to abuse) but when I got there yesterday he is there. Smiling, saying “hi”.
SIL is all smiles.

I’m going to distance too.

There is nothing we can say or do to help her.

I don’t want to bury her.

Surely isolating her makes her even more vulnerable

What else can be done?
She’s done freedom counselling, SS are involved with all kids due to both fathers.

She called the police that resulted in imprisonment this time, so honestly thought she’d seen through him.

I went through an abusive relationship myself so I do understand to some extent what she is dealing with.

She is a very confident, loud, funny albeit argumentative person.

I was alone in supporting her through the court case and she was genuinely relieved when he got sentenced but for him to be back in her home three hours after release and her to be so happy...

I just feel like saying “I’ll be here when he does it again” and then walking away

I'd be telling social services and probation service she's is back with him.

Social services will definitely be interested and he may be breaching licence terms by being there and probation can deal with that.

She is just as bad as him. Her kids need to be taken away. Her pathetic desperation for a man is more important to her than her kids. report her and distance yourself.

I understand, she sounds like a lost cause. I suppose I would just worry that you are a stable influence for her kids if you see them often and as you withdraw they lose that. But it isn't your responsibility. I do agree you should let social services know.

@BobbyBlueCat I’ll look into that, thank you

@Brazi103. How I’m starting to feel too.

I’d follow your DH’s lead-it’s his sister.

Stop helping with the kids and withdraw.

Sorry, I don't understand how you distancing yourself will help? If she ends up dead you will have to burry her whether you are talking to her or not.
If you have been happy enough to be there for the kids so far, why abandon them now.
It can be extremely difficult to leave abusive relationships, it can be very difficult to get abusive people like that out of your life, and even harder if you have a child with them and no support.

Yep. You are all right. I’m going to stop helping her but I thinking about arranging one day week where I scoop the kids from school/nursery keep them overnight and drop to school next day.

I don’t go to house and DH is missing them (this actually was his idea).
Then the kids know we are there for them.

I think that sounds like a good idea OP. You don't have to be there for her, but the kids will appricitae a bit of stability and a happy environment every now and then.