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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not feel comfortable with a male psychiatrist

22 replies

busyweeks78 · 23/01/2020 18:37

I’m currently an inpatient partly due to my eupd/depression but also because of my eating. The consultant here is Male and obviously he has asked questions about my health but today he’s asked me about my periods. Aibu to feel uncomfortable with a man asking this? If I was going to the gp about an issue concerning them I would request a female.

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TulipsTulipsTulips · 23/01/2020 18:39

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to feel this way. Sending you hugs during this difficult time 🤗

user3575796673 · 23/01/2020 18:41

You're allowed to feel that. Do you have a chaperone in these appointments?

windycuntryside · 23/01/2020 18:43

Eating too little for a while causes your periods to stop. It’s a medically relevant question.
I hope you get some support, in the nicest way, try not to let this prevent you getting the help you need. Are you unconsciously putting up barriers ??
Genuinely not trying to upset or offend you, just a different perspective. Best wishes

Heihei · 23/01/2020 18:59

I’ve been in that position and it’s hard! It’s also difficult because you question yourself for questioning it. I always think, is that a genuine problem or Is it my bipolar talking? To be fair it’s a valid medical question but the psych won’t bat an eyelid if you say “sorry I’d rather talk to a female member of staff about that.” Just be super kind to yourself and best of luck with your recovery.

busyweeks78 · 23/01/2020 19:15

Yes these always at least one other person in the room. I just would prefer not to talk about it with a man.

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MitziK · 23/01/2020 19:36

Trouble is, you're under section due to being too ill to be safe. So not engaging with the psychiatrist fully when he's asking a completely relevant question about things that happen to people with eating disorders and, in the case of hormonal swings, are very relevant for any woman with mental illness or personality disorder, isn't helping you.

One of the things that contributed towards you being placed under section is that you weren't engaging with your female doctors, either. To say now that there is a problem because the psych is male does seem to me likely to be an excuse/deflection away from addressing the symptoms and consequences of your recent situation.

If your periods have stopped, you're at increased risk of osteoporosis. If they are heavy, you are at increased risk of anaemia, which, combined with restrictive/no eating, increases the likelihood of heavier bleeding in a vicious circle. If they are irregular and accompanied by huge swings in mood, there could be a hormonal element to your difficulties which could potentially be treated differently. You could have other things going on unconnected to your MH. But they won't have a chance of finding and acting to alleviate them if you won't respond.

You need to stabilise and improve. But putting another barrier in the way, just as you did when you said you would have Ensure drinks, but not the food, when there weren't any Ensures available, does sound more like you're trying to deflect and distract. Just as you refused and avoided following the requests and recommendations of your female doctor, just as you were saying you didn't have an ED, so shouldn't be asked or expected to have tests, just as you were saying that you weren't happy you weren't being referred to an ED unit or treated the same as your friend, this is trying to avoid and evade things you find uncomfortable.

Mydogatemypurse · 23/01/2020 19:42

I think it is personal to you. If you dont feel comfortable thats fine and you have every right to ask for a female.
I had a psychologist years ago and wasnt expecting a male. In the end it was the best support I ever got as I found him very straightforward but that could just be the individual.
You do what feels right for you. Sending love. Xxx

busyweeks78 · 23/01/2020 20:14

MitziK I understand and agree with you to some extent but with regards to the ensures I wanted them as I hadn’t really been eating food and I find liquids easier.

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nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 23/01/2020 20:33

I think theres nothing wrong with being more comfortable with a female but if no female doctor is available then insisting might be counterproductive. Due to various trauma and trust issues, I'm much more at ease with men than women and I have struggled to find a male psychologist to the point of having to drive a 3 hour round trip to see him every week.

busyweeks78 · 24/01/2020 13:05

Thank for the replies these a female doctor on one of the other wars so I’m not sure it would be particularly difficult to get to talk to her.

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busyweeks78 · 24/01/2020 13:06

Wards*

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Durgasarrow · 24/01/2020 13:25

I think the doctor's question was appropriate, given the symptoms you report. If you went to any other doctor, he or she would need to ask the same question in the beginning. I think that it is possible to establish trust with either a male or a female doctor. But remember, the doctors are just practitioners who give you help to get better. The real work comes from you. So they are in a way like tools for you. Part of what works is letting them help you by giving you helpful advice, plans, possibly medication etc., based on an accurate diagnosis. To give you an accurate diagnosis, they need to know what is going on with both your mind and your body. Because right now, the pain in your mind is causing you to harm your body. And both of you know that is unfair to you, and want that to stop.

Spidey66 · 24/01/2020 13:28

He's doing his job-to him, it's like asking if you've got diabetes or something. He's assessing your overall health....and yes given you have an ED is very relevant.

If you're not having any problems with your periods, I think it's fine. If you are, and you'd feel more comfortable speaking to a woman, ask for one, or say you'll tell one of the nurses about it.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 24/01/2020 13:33

I kind of concur with the person above who suggested that it sounded like you weren't engaging with your doctor before (presumably female?) and might be using this as a way of not addressing your issues. Of course you can request another psych, but if you don't engage with her either and come up with more excuses to not talk, I think that will be noticed.

Ultimately though, it's up to you. Please try and ask yourself though whether this could be your mind playing tricks on you.

(I've been in your situation so please don't think I'm not sympathetic because I really really am)

AdoraBell · 24/01/2020 13:44

I agree with Spidey66, ask to speak to a female nurse re your periods.

When I was under the care of a psychiatrist I was so ready to tell someone everything so it made no difference to me that the consultant was male. I do understand that it would be an issue for some people though.

I hope you get the help and support that you need.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 24/01/2020 13:48

It is really important that he understands about your periods as this could be a contributing factor to your mental health. He is trying to check if there is correlation to your menstrual cycle and hormones can affect mental illness. He’s a highly trained doctor answer his questions and try not to be embarrassed. He has probably asked the questions hundreds of times.

busyweeks78 · 24/01/2020 15:44

I know he’s medically trained but I still don’t feel comfortable.

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MitziK · 24/01/2020 16:57

That's the point, though - you're so unwell that you aren't going to be comfortable whoever is asking you the questions, whatever sex they are.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/01/2020 17:02

See if it’s possible to see the female psychiatrist but MitziK writes a fair and reasonable post which is worth considering.

I hope you’re being well cared for. The staff all want you to get better and are hopefully trying to get a full picture and help you.

Stompythedinosaur · 24/01/2020 17:17

Just tell someone how you feel. You can tell one of the nurses if you don't feel comfortable tell the psychiatrist. I imagine there'll be a female nurse who is happy to talk about those things with you instead, you don't need a change of psychiatrist.

Elle7rose · 24/01/2020 17:23

I don't think it's relevant whether or not you've resisted treatment in the past really.

I think if you'd prefer to talk to a female doctor about periods then part of treating you, as a patient, with dignity, would be to allow you to speak to a female doctor.

busyweeks78 · 25/01/2020 16:41

Thank you everyone your replies have been very helpful.

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