AIBU to back out of hiring a cleaner who smokes?

[Aria999]

I have just over a week to find a housekeeper before DD2 arrives.

It's a big house (we moved into it in November) and I'm struggling to keep it cleaned even now so it's probably not going to happen when I have a newborn.

I interviewed someone today through care.com. She seemed nice, competent and affordable. I have details to get references for her and we provisionally agreed for her to start tomorrow.

But.... she smelled of smoke. It said on her profile she is a non smoker. (We are non smokers). I wouldn't expect her to smoke in the house but I dislike the smell and not sure whether I should be worried about 3rd hand smoke at this level (once a week, no direct contact) for the new baby.

AIBU to tell her I changed my mind about hiring her and why? Also would it be stupid to? There are not that many people available round here so I may end up with no help.

Ludicrous!

@EmeraldShamrock i wasn't thinking fast enough and couldn't work out if it was a problem. Also I am massively non confrontational and desperate to find someone 😳

Cleaner here. Also on Care.Com and def not a smoker.
Your house won't be clean will it?
I can come round when she is done op!

I went into my gran's the other day while her cleaner was in. As soon as I opened the front door I could smell cigarettes (I'm an ex smoker but still smoke occasionally) and it turns out the cleaner smokes out the back while she's working. My gran allows this but the smell was terrible.

Ex smoker here. It's only since I became a non smoker that I became much more aware of the smell. If it bothers you, tell her nicely, as a previous poster said. I may be a non smoker now but I do have a problem with some people's attitudes towards them. As no doubt will the cleaner.

I guess you can back out for any reason though a smoker wouldn't bother me.

A perfume or fabric conditioner or scented deodorant wearer would but not a smoker.

I wouldn’t have anyone that smoked in my house and I’ve no young children.
I’d wonder about the integrity of someone who lied about smoking.

Or she’s not a smoker but works for people who are? Or got stuck next to an ignorant smoker if she had to catch public transport to you? Or she has a partner who smokes? Seems rather OTT based on one meeting and not knowing for sure where the smell originated from (as in, you have no proof she is or isn’t a smoker) if you don’t want to hire her don’t, but this is a little precious IMO.

Perhaps you should check she’s no STD’s as well, as I would worry about her ‘integrity’ too 🙄👀🤦🏼‍♀️

Thanks for the replies everyone. Good to know that others might feel this way (and also that some people think I'm a fruitloop for even asking the question lol).

As a few pp suggested I texted to ask nicely if she does smoke and got a helpful reply (she only smokes occasionally and would be happy to make sure she shows up with non smoky clothes). Seems reasonable to me so we're going for it.

Fallsballs I wouldn’t want a cleaner that behaved in a way that made them likely to have STDs either.

Maybe she doesn't smoke, she may have a partner who smokes.

Good way of sorting it OP and I fully understand you not wanting a smoker - I do, I have never been in the position to hire a cleaner (if only ) but I’d have pause in your position, I’m glad you managed to sort it in a reasonable way and of course if she doesn’t keep up her end of the agreement at least you know you’ve given her a chance.

I say this because I’ve been questioned about smoking when applying for work some years ago, the only way I could get to some of the interviews was my FIL who is a heavy smoker and smokes in his car - I was embarrassed how much I stank of cigarette smoke after getting out of his car so it has put me in mind to always give people the benefit of the doubt

Your update sounds reasonable. Hope it works out for both of you

I wouldn't hire a smoker to work in my house. I hate the stink. I would just say you have changed your mind and leave it at that.

That sounds ok then. She will ensure that she is smoke smelling free when she arrives and she won't be smoking on duty of course. Some people do only smoke when they're really stressed or when they go out. She could be one of those and the smell was left on her jacket from a night out?

I think having the agreement that she will not smoke immediately prior to arriving and rid herself of any smell and not smoke on duty will work all round.

I get your concern OP. You'll have a newborn in the house and of course if you are both there while she cleans, she may ask for a hold of the baby or be close to the baby so you just want to ensure her smoking/the smell won't be an issue. No one wants their baby smelling of smoke

If she only smokes occasionally, she really can't be considered a non-smoker. Maybe she didn't think it an outright lie, but she is certainly bending the truth. That alone would be a red flag for me.

@CherryPavlova Anyone can have an STD you clown!!!!!!

New respectable boyfriend, 2 years down the line you start trying for a baby and suddenly discover he has an STD he never knew about. Comes from his previous respectable partner who caught it from her previous respectable partner etc etc. Some STD's have zero symptoms.

It's not just sluts who have diseases you know! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

She's not a housekeeper if she only comes once a week... a housekeeper lives in the house, and keeps it

@LemonPrism transatlantic vocabulary difference maybe - we're in America, everyone I know here calls it a housekeeper

Probably not worth the debate but no, Cantwaitforsummer2020 not ‘anyone’ can get an STI. There are behaviours that increase the risks, there are people that are unfaithful and lie but there are also people who are not sexually active and those who are in an enduring faithful and monogamous relationship. Definitely not me that lacks understanding here! To say ‘everyone can catch an STI’ when there are definitely behaviours that dramatically increase the risks normalises promiscuous behaviours and casual sex. Those are not behaviours I would want in people coming to my house. Old fashioned but true. Would I put it on an application form? No. Would I do a social media search? Absolutely. I recruit personal staff from a known pool of local people whose reputations precede them.

My cleaner is a smoker, she doesn’t smoke in our house, she’s fantastic and doesn’t leave a smell behind at all, I don’t think you need to worry at all, up to you though

My cleaner smokes but she does an amazing job.