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Original poster

How to get over work crush?

22 replies

AsTheIvyGrows · 23/01/2020 13:06

I have obviously name changed for this thread as I don't want this thread linked with my usual username. This might be long sorry!

I'm looking for some advice as I don't really have anyone I can openly talk to in RL. I'm in my late twetnies and have been married to my DH for 2 years (together for 7) with one DS.

Let me start by saying my DH is a kind person and a good husband. He adores DS and I and would do anything for me. However, whilst he's a good man, I find his lack of initiative and listening really frustrating which leads to bickering that gets us both down. The mental load is on me no matter how much we try to share it.

I work part-time as part of a small-ish team. I've had a new supervisor for a few months and I think I've developed a crush on him. He's handsome, kind and we get along really well.

Over the past few weeks he's made it more and more evident that he fancies me. I won't lie, I enjoy his attention. We message outside of work, just chit chat but it's starting to turn flirty.

Since being with DH, I've put on weight and lost a lost of self-confidence so part of me thinks that I'm just flattered that someone else could possibly like me. But I find myself excited to go to work and get messages when he messages me.

How do I get over this stupid crush before someone gets hurt? What's worse is that I don't want to stop talking to my supervisor. He's a nice guy and makes work more enjoyable.

I feel awful and expect the flaming but if you've ever been in this situation, what did you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
AsTheIvyGrows · 23/01/2020 13:16

Bump

OP posts:
Tabbykitty · 23/01/2020 13:20

So your supervisor, in a position of power over you at work and presumably knowing you're married with a child is looking for no strings fun. He's not a nice guy, you're mad to risk your marriage (and job) over him.

You're already having an emotional affair. How would you feel if you discovered your DH was sending flirty messages to a work colleague.

sillyoldelfbacktohimself · 23/01/2020 13:23

I'd say leave.... either your job or husband, your choice.

Or exercise a little self control and stop any contact not business related, chances are your new 'crush' will move on to his next victim once he realises you're not going to stray.

Showmethefood · 23/01/2020 13:24

I’m not going to say mean things to you but what you are doing is wrong and if I’m honest I’d count it as an emotional affair. You know this will all end in tears and you should stop it now before it goes any further. You have a family and this would tear it all apart.

Original poster
AsTheIvyGrows · 23/01/2020 13:38

I know, you're all right. It's bordering an emotional affair. Maybe it is one, I dont know. But I just don't know how to stop feeling like this!

OP posts:
Original poster
AsTheIvyGrows · 23/01/2020 14:32

My husband just called to check in on me and see how my day was Sad I really need to sort myself out!

OP posts:
VideographybyLouBloom · 23/01/2020 14:37

Leave your job. It's the only way. I also agree that your supervisor is not a nice bloke.

milliefiori · 23/01/2020 14:38

Having a work crush is like having a crush on a therapist. You don;t know anything about the whole person. You see a best side to them. They are scrubbed up and professional. I suspect some of the work place charmers are the ones who drop the mask most heavily when they get home. Imagine him farting in bed after a curry night or shouting at the football. Imagine being married to him and knowing he is flirting with a woman at work.

And bear in mind that a lot of people flirt outrageously at work to pass the time. It doesn't mean they fancy someone. They just want an ego boost to know if they have the power to provoke a reaction.

Imagine telling your DS that you are ruining his family life because your desire to scratch a lusty itch is more important to you than his security and happiness. Say it out loud in front of a mirror, using his name. That should put a dampener on your crush.

Original poster
AsTheIvyGrows · 23/01/2020 15:00

@milliefiori You're absolutely right. I'm nothing special and I suspect the flirting is happening only because I'm one of very few women on our shifts.

Do I just go cold shoulder or do I say anything to him? Neither of us have ever admitted anything or even acknowledged our flirting.

OP posts:
Bluewater1 · 23/01/2020 15:04

It's developing into an emotional affair OP. If you want to keep your marriage then you need to either change jobs or if that's not possible then maintain a strictly professional relationship. No texts, no conversation over lunch etc

milliefiori · 23/01/2020 15:11

Just don't react to the flirting. And stick a photo of your DS on your desk to remind you of your priorities. And think things like, 'Yeah, right. I;d much rather snog you than create a safe and happy home for DS. You are way higher in my priority list than little DS' etc until you realise how ugly this sort of casual flirting is when you have kids.

Mummyshark2019 · 23/01/2020 15:11

New job.

Mummyshark2019 · 23/01/2020 15:13

He sounds very unprofessional. He is your supervisor and is flirting with you when he knows you are a married woman with a child. Whatever this is, it is not worth breaking up your family for. Start job hunting, get new job and change your number.

Scatterlit · 23/01/2020 15:15

So your supervisor, in a position of power over you at work and presumably knowing you're married with a child is looking for no strings fun. He's not a nice guy, you're mad to risk your marriage (and job) over him.

Agreed -- this suggests he's a bit of a creep, and that he may have form for doing this in the past with previous female employees.

Everyone in longterm relationships has an occasional crush on a random person, and in general I say just sit tight, don't act on it, and your feelings will inevitably fade -- but you sound as if your head has been thoroughly turned and as if you're on the brink of an affair. Stop the messaging, turn any workday conversations back to the professional immediately, and look for another job.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/01/2020 15:22

Is there any scope for a team move so you don't see him so much?

Original poster
AsTheIvyGrows · 23/01/2020 16:10

There is no option to move and I can't just leave. We desperately need the money.

OP posts:
sundi · 23/01/2020 17:00

Is he single OP?

Mummyshark2019 · 23/01/2020 17:12

Why can't you find a new job?

Lambikinis · 23/01/2020 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scatterlit · 23/01/2020 17:35

Well, look for a new job and leave as soon as you've found one. In the meantime, keep interaction strictly to work matters within work hours. Don't be alone with him.

Lippy1234 · 23/01/2020 17:46

Stop responding to his flirting, only talk to him about work matters, don’t exchange personal emails, messages or texts.
Please don’t let this develop into an emotional affair. The pain you could cause your DH is unbearable.
Work on your marriage, go on a date, get dressed up and let your DH compliment you.

MsDogLady · 23/01/2020 21:26

You are making a fool of your husband. You are not single, so cut out the messaging and flirting. Either work on your marriage or end it.

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