Accept Gift or Not

[Thatched]

DH and I are buying our first property. A relative keeps telling us she is going to gift us a thousand pounds as a moving in present.

I emphasise, she keeps TELLING us.

This relative is pretty well off. She has also gifted money to other relatives at important times of their lives. I know this because she tells us, constantly. If that person gets mentioned, then so does her gift. No matter how long ago it was.

I don't want her money. Neither does DH. We have told her this, several times. She tells us we are mad, it is a thousand pounds after all. She insists, when the time comes, she WILL give it to us.

It would be very useful either spent on the new house or in the bank in case of an emergency, don't get me wrong. BUT it drives me mad that I know she will be telling everyone about it for years to come, just like she does to the others.

My friend says we should take it, and just ignore the fact that she will mention it constantly. But it grates so much!

I want to say to her thanks but no thanks - you will talk about it to anyone we know for years to come and that is reason enough to refuse. I won't though. I am a coward. It would cause a massive fall out, with ripple effects into other family members.

My friend thinks I would be unreasonable though to refuse it. Who refuses a grand?

AIBU?

No, I’d turn it down too.

I’ve had relatives who gift things and then you find out the conditions. I’ve stood my ground on some things but, in my experience, it’s not worth the aggro.

Decline politely and firmly - preferably in the presence of others so there’s no he/she said.

I agree with sleepyhead She is going to talk about you anyway, even if it's so say 'They are mad not to take it' in fact, I think not taking it will create more of a conversation than the eye roll that everyone will give when she announces how generous she is. Your call though

I am concerned about unagreed conditions - like expected at 'a whim' hospitality demands. The person she was talking about last night had not agreed to a request for a visit, and that had annoyed her.

There you go then, there are hidden T&Cs. Decline.

From what you've written, I think the regret of accepting it will last longer than the joy of spending it.

Tell her that you are very grateful for her kind gift but you will be donating it to a charity that is close to you and your dh heart.

Not worth it for £1000. Just say politely, thank you, but we realise we'd never hear the end of it. As you discuss other people's business with us, we can only assume you'd discuss ours and we prefer to have our privacy.