To feel so desperate about schools

[Tryingtothinktoday]

We have chosen our primary school choices and in all honesty I am not completely happy with any of them, but they are the choices we could access from our catchment. I feel distraught. Like none of them are right and I am worrying so much about my child's future. They are all reasonable schools, none terrible, but I feel so distraught at the thought of sending my DC to any of them, 5 days a week. DC is currently in nursery but not full time, and the nursery are amazing, so this feels like such a big compromise. AIBU to feel like this?

I am not going to vote because when we worry about our DV all reasonableness fits out the window anyway.

of course you are going to worry. and then 7 years later you will feel the same about senior schools too. of course you want to find the right school for your DC and grappling with the reality that all schools will end up being a compromise on something is a hard realisation.

what you need to focus on is that the school attended is a lot less significant than you think. on the whole, having engaged enthusiastic parents who believe in the value of education, and having lots of books at home and reading being part of daily life far far outweighs the significance of the variables of which school is attended.

I felt a little like you before completing the application. I went with the option where the children seemed overwhelmingly happy. All of the schools had pros and cons but I thought happiness mattered more. It’s too early to worry about academic achievements in my view. I am sure the ones you have chosen will be just fine.

You no to switch off to this type of stress..iv had to pick preschool for ds and im not overly happy with choices i had to make but when i thought about it and i dont think theres a preschool on this earth that would accommodate my "ideal visual" of what i would like for my little angel im also in process of deciding on which 6th form school to send dd daughter too..i was getting stressed about that for totally ridiculous reaaons...so..do what i did to maintain your sanity..accept we have to compromise and you will never be estatic about any school and main thing is if your child is happy, which you wont no until they give it a go..so worrying now is pointless

Thanks everyone for these responses. It's not that I am massively precious and we have been really happy with nursery (but it is amazing and we are very lucky). It's just that each of the schools is good, but each come with big compromises too. I think I am struggling with that really. But thank you all for you advice and kind words, they are comforting to hear.

If the feeling persists be aware the option of home education exists and there are many many opportunities for children who do this. It’s not for everyone and there is lots to consider but so many people don’t realise it’s an option.

I felt like this too, with my first DC! School just seemed so big and impersonal compared with nursery. And our local school, which we chose, seemed nice enough but not perfect.

Both DC are there now and very happy. Once they start, it will be fine!! (at least it's very likely to be fine - and if there was a major issue you could always move them, but that's unlikely).

What are the compromises?

I live in Ireland so school choices are awful. We had no choice but to send our child to the local school because of catchments etc. I worried about it for months because the school is old and run down with tiny rooms. He is two years there now and loves it. I have reluctantly grown to love the school as well.

You worry and worry and agonise and change your mind several times and then the second they start school you never even think about it again unless it’s absolutely dreadful, in which case you move them to a different school.

You might just be pleasantly surprised.
My DD is in reception. We got our third choice school for her, which on paper was the worst school we applied to (although not a bad school by any means, I was still gutted).

However, she absolutely loves it, she's settled in brilliantly and has a teacher who brings out the best in her. When she started, she could just about write her name and now she's writing whole sentences, is doing so well with reading and her maths skills are already where they need to be by the end of the year according to what we were told on parents evening.
She's made friends and looks forward to going to school every day.

OP, what sort of compromises do you mean? I guess you need to focus on whats the most important things to you - much like buying a new house, you will never find something that ticks every single box. Otherwise, your options are moving to a new area or looking for a private school - but I suspect you will feel this way about ANY school. Have you considered home schooling?

If you feel that strongly could you home educate/ look at the private sector. (But I don,t feal that is necessarily any better.)

Come on OP, what are the "big compromises"? If you tell us what you think the issues are with each option, perhaps people can provide perspective that helps you feel better about them?

we cannot help you if we don't know what are the compromises or the worries, op.

You need to shift your thinking away from there being a perfect school because there probably isn't going to be one. Also what might be to you perfect now may not always be, that small, nurturing school may seem just right for your four year old, but by eleven they could well feel stifled and frustrated by the lack of facilities.

If they're loved and supported at home most children cope fine in a decent school even I it doesn't tick every single box their parents would like it to tick.

I have 4 kids. 2 are in college now. And I know its stressful deciding schools. Secondary and colleges too. My DC is applying for unis now. And this stress never ends.

I understand you’re stress having just gone gone through the same process myself and now sitting waiting for the outcome.

We had three schools. We could have had any of them but ended up putting the worst (on paper) as our first choice even though it requires improvement and the other 2 schools are good. If you are anything like us, you made your decisions based on gut instinct and what you liked about them (or didn’t like about the others). I was extremely worried and stressed over the situation but now ive there is no point and just went with what’s best, we will have to see what happens and deal with it. (Maybe I’ve stressed too much and have no more stress left in me?)

Whatever happens, stop stressing. It does no one any good. What’s done is done, you will just have to wait for the outcome. No school is prefect there is no one size fits all. If we could combine the best of all our 3 choices into one we would have a perfect school, but we can’t, we had to compromise.

When we find out later in the year, if you really don’t like it you can start stressing. There are lots of things you cannot can do suck as apply for other school, home ed ect. However, likelyhood is, you’re DC will start and will love it there and you will wonder what you ever worried about.

I meant to say lots you can do such as...

Maybe you have spent too much time on mumsnet.
All schools have compromises. Most turn out fine.
In my real life experience, what makes an actual impact
Is my child's teacher good?
Does my child like their teacher?
Does my child have friends?
Does my child have some one to play with?

The answer to these questions change at least once a year for the teacher and far more frequently for the rest.