To ask about your saddest break-ups?

[Lovingcup]

I was listening to Last Request by Paulo Nutini earlier and it got me thinking back to being 15 and breaking up with my first boyfriend. I was at the age where I was just starting to go to bars and clubs with my friends (you could get away with it in those days!) and thought I wanted the freedom they had to kiss a different guy each week. Problem was, I was still very much in love with my boyfriend and he was the one who ended up consoling me as I was so upset! We were both in tears, he was such a lovely guy and we were together for 3 years. I still think of him often and wonder how he’s getting on; I hope he’s happy.

So I was wondering what your saddest break-up ever was, where you still loved the person but just couldn’t be together for whatever reason? Did you have one last kiss or a night together before parting ways or was it just a quick goodbye? I feel like having a good cry so the sadder the better

@bank100 ah that teenage boy smell - I remember it well. Used to spend hours sniffing hoodies that boys lent me or left at mine. That sounds slightly creepy now I’ve written it down haha!

@Shinynails sounds like your little boy has a lovely mum, so he’s not missed out

I got in a taxi the other night and the driver who was probably around 60 sprayed lynx Africa before I got in spent the whole journey telling him about my ex boyfriends from school. Much to my husbands annoyance!

I’ve had a few. My most recent was two weeks ago. He died suddenly

Baby think twice by celine drone was number one when I split with my first love promptly followed by east 17 stay another day. What a shot Christmas that was

There is a certain song that an ex told me was about mine and his relationship. At the time I only paid attention to the nice b I ts of the song because I thought he was amazing, I was daft for him at the time. Now when I here it I think Holy fuck, how stupid could you be to be drawn in by the shite he talked.
He's still living like a 18 year old, think he's about 37 now.
When I see him now, I just think, thank god I didn't stay with you. He was also shit in bed. Not sure what the attraction was to be honest 😂

My first love from 15 to 24. The ring was on my finger, the venue booked and we were both trying really hard to ignore the fact that we wanted different futures. He wanted to settle down with 2 kids and the white picket fence and I wanted to move around, experience new things and focus on my career.

It all came to a head when he gave me an ultimatum about kids. I remember sobbing for what felt like a month afterwards, it was raw grief for my best friend. I listened to so many sad songs but Pink's "I dont believe you" was always the one that got to me.

4 years on, I've lived in 4 different places all around the country, have a DP who shares my ambition and have a pretty good management job in an amazing city far away from home. He's engaged to someone else in our home city and is getting married this summer - it was the right move and we both got what we needed.

Doesnt make the break up any easier though, even now looking back!

He was my first love, and we were together for five years. He got heavily into religion which I tried to support, but he eventually broke up with me because he met a girl that he lusted after, and it made him realise that he didn't fancy me.

Part of his new found religion dictated 100% honesty, so when I asked him how he could have been with me for five years if he didn't fancy me, he said that he'd "tried to see past the way you look, and focus on your personality".

The worst thing was, he genuinely wasn't trying to be cruel. My self esteem was already pretty lousy due to my mother, and I ended up with an eating disorder for years, convinced that if I was slimmer, I'd be more attractive. More worthy.

I came out of it OK, and in the long term it's one of the best things that happened to me. I'd been putting my career on hold for him, I ended up doing my dream job. I met my husband, who loves me whatever my dress size, and we've got an ace little lad together. At the time though, it destroyed me!

Some of these are so sad but also very hopeful if that makes sense.

My ex fiance. Together 4 years, got engaged in Central park, very romantic and to everyone else we were so perfect. But he was a liar, and I knew deep down I didn't love him. I caught him out on his final lie (started a thread on here about it at the time) and I had no choice but to leave. I owed it to myself and I'd threatened it so many times I had to follow through.

I moved out and into my best friends spare room. What followed was the darkest days of my life. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, sometimes I'd just stare at the ceiling for hours on end. I would throw up almost every day for no reason. It felt like my blood had turned to ash, that's the best I can describe it.
If it wasn't for my friends and family I don't know how I would have got through it. I'd never experienced heart break before but suddenly all the songs, all the poems all made sense.

5 years later and I'm married to the love of my life, there is no doubt. The sky is blue. I love DH. Best thing I ever did was leaving my ex. There is always hope.

When I was 25 I went out with a guy for just over a year that was a bit younger than me. He was only 20 and I already had a five year old daughter. We were totally in love but as it became more serious I started to think I was tying him down and I wasn't being fair on him with all my responsibilities so I broke up with him as I thought I was doing the right thing for him

I still remember sitting in my car in the rain with both of us crying and him pleading me to reconsider. It broke my heart.

I ended up marrying 5 years later but I always thought of him. My exh was abusive and cheated on me and left me after 11 years together but after the initial shock I was so glad to see the back of him and was perfectly happy single, no desire to have a man in my life anymore (well maybe the odd date but not sharing my life with anyone).

About a 3 years after he left me the old boyfriend came back to our town and got in touch. We went for a drink and everything fell back into place, I hadn't laughed so much or felt that happy for nearly 2 decades. We got back together and were blissfully happy for 9 months, planning a future together. Then 5 months ago he died, very suddenly and far too young. I miss him everyday and wish I hadn't broken up with him all those years ago so that we could have had a life together.

I was with my boyfriend of Uni for 5 years. We were so chemically attracted, no keeping away, both besotted. But somehow we both knew we had more life to live. We had so many adventures and lots of ups and downs, but so much care and passion. One weekend we had a frank conversation about the depth of our love, and how we knew it would have to end. But we couldn't end it for another year after that. I was heartbroken when we finally did.
But we met at 18, and I didn't want to be the wife he cheated on. We're both married with kids now. I know he cheated on her in the early days, and my dh is a better man. And I love my children to bits. But I felt like no one really understood when my ex and I broke up. I grieved for a long time.

@Tswiftscat your post made me cry. I'm so sorry.

I've only had one what I would consider a sad break-up as I've only really been in love twice and I'm still married to the second one.

The One That Got Away was from another country that I was temporarily studying in. I was 20, he was almost 20 when we met. I honestly think we were both equally into each other and everything was fine as long as we didn't think about the future. But he was a lot "younger" than me in terms of experience (it was his first year of uni, his first year away from his family, to my 3rd) and he was always very worried about what his family would think about him going out with a foreigner and a "Protestant" (I'm not actually any religion at all, but that would have made me a Protestant by default to his devout Catholic relatives). We realised it wasn't going to work in the long term and agreed to carry on seeing each other until I had to leave, but then it would be over. I cried a lot when it first became obvious we couldn't make a go of it. Then on the day I left he cried at the station, which really surprised me. I think at some level I had thought he just didn't love me as much as he said he did. That day, I came to believe that he did love me and couldn't see any way out of this awful situation - but I'd already come to terms with it, and I'm sorry to say I just boarded the train and went back to my old life with only a few regrets, wistful rather than heartbroken.

@Tswiftscat I'm so sorry

Neither of us wanted the relationship to end, we were engaged, but something happened in my life that meant if we stayed together he would have to give up his career just as it was getting going. I couldn’t cope with the guilt of allowing that to happen. It was really hard ending the relationship, he’s still my best friend and always will be. I sometimes have to listen to songs about us on the radio, I’m okay with that now, but when it was fresh it was really awful hearing them.

When I broke up with my uni boyfriend. Still makes me cry if I think about it now. We'd been together for five years but we just wanted different things and to live in different places. We went to a friends wedding and as we were sat in the church he said to me "this will be us next" and he was so happy, and it just made me feel sick because I realised I couldn't marry him. He was my best friend but I just didn't want to spend my whole life with him, I really felt like I would be missing something.

We went for a day trip to a city neither of us know very well and ended up having a heartbreaking conversation sat in a cafe both crying. Goodness knows what everyone around us thought! He drove me to the train station and I struggled getting out of the car wondering if I was making a massive mistake.

Over the next few months he kept trying to get back together, but I knew it was the right choice. It was such a hard time, felt like I had broken both of our hearts.

One year later I met someone and within our first conversation I looked at him and thought "so this is what was missing" and I knew he was the one. We are now married with kids and I am so happy.

I wish I could have stayed in touch with my ex but he found it too hard to be friends. I was quite upset the day he got married.... Couldn't really explain why. DH took me out for lunch to cheer me up and let me be pathetic about it he's a keeper.

Muse reminds me of a firey summer romance I had when I was 19.

When I was 19 I went out clubbing with my university friends. I ended up sharing the most intense kiss with a post-grad who I had seen in my academic department. There were literal sparks. It marked the beginning of the most passionate, intense relationships I've ever had.

Over the course of that Summer, we shared new ideas, philosophies, concepts and theories - I've never felt more beautiful or intelligent than during that period.

But the flame burnt hot and quick. It was only a summer romance.

I had to break up with him. I was inexperienced. He was a PhD student, and I was only an undergrad, and I thought that the age gap was just too much.

I think I broke his heart.

I was 16 almost 17 when we met. It was almost love at first sight. I remember we kissed and I gave him my number. I remember how happy I was when I got home that evening.
But I got dumped two and a half years later over the phone and he told me he was glad I wasn’t pregnant ( had a pregnancy scare), that he wouldn’t of wanted it and I should leave him alone or he would get a restraining order.
The guy treated me like absolute shit, I was broken and felt worthless. He was abusive to me emotionally mainly, one time I went to his house and he wouldn’t speak to me just laid in his bed.
Anyway the story does have a happy ending as one of his mates really fancied me, he sent me 20 roses on my 20th birthday.
We have a house, a 2 year old dd, expecting our 2nd child and still going strong 15 years on!

So strange that I’ve found this thread tonight because the past couple of days I’ve been sorting through some old stuff on my laptop and found stuff relating to my ex. We were 19/20 and at different Uni’s so it just didn’t work out, but he was my one great love. The intensity, passion, overwhelming feeling of not being able to think about anything but him, losing my virginity to him, being so desperately in love with him, and then him breaking my heart - I thought I might die
His best friend was a lovely chap, who confessed to me years later that he had always had feelings for me but didn’t do anything about it because of his best friend. So that’s another avenue unexplored.
But the older I get, the more philosophical I become. I’m not sure I believe in soulmates or “meant to be” exactly, but if all those things hadn’t happened the way they did, I wouldn’t have met my lovely DH at the end of Uni, who I love with all my heart, who loves me to bits, and who I have our beautiful DC with. Life is full of sliding doors moments. It feels very poignant to look back, and I try not to do it too often.