I am a longtime lurker coming out to post my first thread. Since Christmas, I am feeling terribly disappointed in my mother and sister. Sorry, I am afraid this is going to be a long post.
My sister and I always had a great relationship, to be honest, for a long time I considered her my best friend. We are very different in character. She takes after my mother, short-tempered and a bit of a drama queen. Things must be always the way they want to. As a result she was a bit spoiled growing up, but she was six years older than me and I looked up to her. But to be honest, in adulthood we have drifted appart a bit. We lead very different lives.
I am of similar character as my father, a very sweet man but that sometime lacked in character. He adored my mother and deferred to her wishes in almost everything. We hate conflict, and usually end up giving in to keep the pace.
As a result of having his own business my father was lucky enough to acquire a significant real estate portfolio. Sadly, he had to give up working at 53 due to illness (he had two restaurants and it is a demanding and physical job) and he retired to live on the profits of that portfolio.
He always considered his estate to be family money. Everything was shared 50/50 with my mother and we were raised with the idea that someday this estate will be ours. He tried to raise us to be independent self-sufficent women.
After my father retired they found out that my sister had failed at uni, was not going to get a degree and was refusing to get a job. After threatening her with making her move out, she finally began working at 26. Since then she is working at a low paid job.
While this happened my father had several bouts of illness (a kidney transplant and lymphoma) and I continued to study and got my degree and was lucky enough to began a career related to it. During this period I tried to be the peacemaker, diffuse the situation and arrange a solution for my mother and sister to get on. As I result I think I was too serious during my teens/early twenties. Too responsible. She was the rebel and I was the dutiful daughter.
The situation between my mother and sister finally was beyond repair and she end up moving out accrimoniously (my parents paid her rent the first year). They did not speak for two of three years but when my father had to undergo life-threatening heart surgery. He almost did not make it and from that moment the relationship with my mother began to thaw. That made me extremely happy, as I was very close to my sister still. And when she had her first baby and considering that it was obvious that my father was not going to make to a long age, they decided to cease the hostilities. But they had not memded their issues and I have became a sort of mediator, listening to the complaints of one side and viceversa.
As my father's health declined, he began to involve me more in the managing of their rental properties. He also tried to involve my sister, but she declined. So the responsibility lies enterely in me. Sadly, he passed away two years ago and since then I had to do everything, including taking care emotionally of my mother ( she took my father's death very badly) . I became a mix of driver/business manager/ therapist /nanny) That besides mananging my own business in a very competitive field.
This Christmas, my mother decided to give us some family jewerelly. And that is when the problem began. She does't have much jewerrely, but two pieces stand out, a watch and a ring. My sister always coveted the watch, and because of that it was always said that the ring would be mine some day. But my father also had a nice watch, so he said that I should have it when he was gone, so we would have a nice watch each.
But because of that, my mother decided to raffle the ring instead of mantaining the original arrangement, and my sister was lucky enough to get it. I was given some other jewerelly to compensate. I was dissapointed, and at first was going to suck it up and keep quiet. I had my father's watch and given the close relationship we had, it was all that mattered. To be honest, I was exhausted from the drama. The last two years have been extremely hard, from watching the decline of my father, business problems, dealing with my mother, arranging the inheritance... I feel overwhelmed, like everything depends on me and I have no help at all from anybody.
But afterwards my mother called all contrite, saying that she had made a mistake because the way things were I had not the chance to pick up something I liked. And the she tried to 'buy me off' offering a similar ring and said that if it would be up to her, she would have given it to me. She offered to ask my sister to give it back, but she didn't really mean it, you could obviously tell. That made extremely angry, because I felt that one more, I had to suck it up my feelings to keep the pace. But nobody does the same for me. Ever.
Since then, I have mantained LC with my mother, only for business matters and not at all with my sister. She refuses to admit that there is a problem. She has texted me for silly reasons trying to evoke a response, but has not asked what's the matter, for example.
Rationally, I know than I am being AIBU. I mean, it is just a ring. But it is a symbol of many things that I have overlooked during the last twenty years. And now that my father is gone I feel like I have no reasons to keep the pace anymore.