To be utterly terrified of a colonoscopy

[RobynsMama]

I have one in a few weeks time and I’m just utterly
terrified that I won’t be able to cope. I’ve got the option of having sedation but I’m a survivor of a pretty awful sexual assault and I really am not liking the idea of not not being in control. (I’m a nurse, in a completely different field but I’ve seen patients under the influence of sedation and some have reacted quite awfully to it)

It’s not even just that it’s the thought of anyone doing things to me that are in any way invasive, (I also really struggle with going for a smear test.) just makes me sick with fear and anxiety.

Conversely, when I had my DD, I had a lovely, calm home birth and my best friend was there along with a midwife I’d had throughout my entire pregnancy, and trusted implicitly. I know that if I’d needed any kind of hospital intervention, it would have been a real struggle and it played on my mind throughout my whole pregnancy.

I need this done as I’m getting horrible symptoms that need to be checked out. I don’t know what to do for the best. I was thinking of letting them know about my past but realistically what can they do about it to make it easier. Other than asking for a GA (which comes with its own risks and is usually unnecessary for this procedure). I just keep pushing it out of my mind because thinking about it Is terrifying but I can’t ignore it forever

I have had two, both with sedation which I recommend, honestly you don’t remember much. Tell the team your concerns

I have had two gastroscopes without sedation and they are pretty awful really as I just couldn't control the gag reflex. I just didn't want to be sedated

Then I had a colonoscopy and decided to be sedated. It was much much less distressing than the gastroscopies. I don't remember anyhing much about it really.

I’ve had two. The sedation didn’t do much for me in terms of my awareness, although I didn’t feel any pain so maybe it did what it was meant to do. I was given the option of watching on the screen as they did it, which I found quite fascinating. I also listened to a Harry Potter audiobook.

By far the worst part of the whole process IMO is the foul moviprep stuff you have to have beforehand... that and being blown up like a puffer fish!

I see many PPs are recommending sedation.
May I just repeat - in your case, OP, this would need to be very deep, verging on anaesthesia.
I’m a retired anaesthetist, and one of my subspecialty interests was dental phobia. I ran a regular sedation dentistry session, but we had to stop and convert to general anaesthetic for patients with previously undisclosed oral sexual abuse. The sedation, combined with inserting instruments in the mouth, often led to horrific flashbacks to their abuse.
I cannot guarantee that that wouldn’t happen in your case, and it would make the procedure very much more distressing.