To want to start dating without the intention of a relationship?

[dating4fun]

Got divorced in 2017, and been single ever since. I have no interest in a relationship right now because I'm not where I want to be with my life and business. When I've reached my goals in a few years, that's when I want a relationship and hopefully get married man.

But right now, I'd love to go out for a nice meal and have some laughs, feel 'desired' again. I have no intention to have a second or third date though AIBU?

If you're looking for a hook up sure, as long as you tell them that first. Dont lure men onto dates if they think theres a chance of getting more dates and starting a relationship with you. Its so cunty i was sick of going on dates and then the weasels telling me when i got there they wanted a hook up and not a relationship. Utter waste of time.

Not if you’re upfront about it from the start, I have a lot of friends who go on dates and get excited by the potential only to find out the guy has no intention to go further than a date (or bunk up), which inevitably makes them feel shit.
As long as you’re honest about what you do and don’t want.
Oh and also there’s always the potential that you may meet someone you’d want to pursue something with - would that complicate things? if so then that’s worth thinking about.

I did this but only as sex dating as I didn't want to talk particularly or care about eating... it had its moments but unfortunately also some damaging ones. Sex dates are easy to get.

What about a more social site like meet-up?

Fine as long as you are honest

So basically you just want a shag? Nothing wrong with that. Just don’t string anyone along and it’s fine

People aren’t going to keep wanting to go for dinner if it’s not heading towards a relationship, if you want dinner/chat only you need a girl pal.

If a man was writing this, he'd be wanting an escort

Maybe a fwb would be easier?

I know a woman who wanted to do exactly what you want to do after the end of a long relationship. So much so that she joined an online dating site and only responded to men from a neighbouring country (she lives in mainland Europe so that doesn't involve as much faff as you might think), because she assumed none of them would want to uproot and come and live in her country so it would just be casual dates. Long story short, she met her perfect man on one of these dates, they both fell whole-heartedly in love, he did move to her city and they've now been married for about 6 years.

She genuinely wasn't looking for anything more than a few nice dinner dates/days out and maybe a shag too (I've never asked). I'm not suggesting that you will meet a husband, I'm just saying I don't think there's anything wrong with the original casual arrangement and there is a precedent for it. If you live in the UK, maybe restrict your search to people who live in a different region so they can't become a regular part of your life too easily?

If a man was writing this, he'd be wanting an escort

No he wouldn't. I've never used the services of an escort and never will.

I've also had casual sex and enjoyed transient situations with women who actively sought similar.

Is that ok, does that help redefine your world view a bit?

My only concern @dating4fun is that you're looking for an ego-boost, and to be wined and dined by someone who is looking for more, either immediate or medium term.

Are you looking for some enjoyable company, dinner out of an evening, and then not speak to them for a second date etc?

If so, it's fine, but perhaps a bit cynical if the other person has radically different expectations.

Also, why is fwb always considered more desireable on MN than casual relations with strangers - is it the safety thing, and the fact that it's a known quantity? Because people known to folk can also act horrible when sex or emotions become involved.

GD in a year of sex dating with effectively an FWB alongside, the brutal truth is only 1 of the men I met could listen carefully enough and pay enough attention to make me orgasm on the first date. Even my FWB, who is overall the best lover I've ever had, took 4 dates to work it out despite lot of coaching. It's often worth investing quite a few hours in someone from a female point of view. I don't think this is surprising given that there are relatively few movies or porn clips that really look like making a woman orgasm. Then there is the safety angle which is terrifying. And the unexpected number of men who conjugate the verb 'to go on a hookup site' like this: 'I go on a hookup site because I'm a chilled out guy looking for like minded people; you ho on a hookup site because you're a skanky whore until you prove otherwise'.