To be fed up with MIL never listening

[KCpip]

Yep another MIL thread. Would love to know if anyone else has a MIL that doesn’t listen to a word you say. Not trying to fix it. Would just love to know I’m not alone!
She talks and talks and talks but even when she asks me a question she doesn’t listen to the answer. I do get told I’m quiet but when you know someone’s not going to listen to a word you say I just get fed up trying to share anything!

Didn’t know if to say YABU - it’s my mother that does this!

We could have the same mil. Yanbu, it’s really annoying.

I too have this issue. It's like a tick list of questions and no response to the answer you just gave, as you would usually expect from a conversation.
Drives me and DH bonkers!

MIL does this to DH all the time, then says we didn’t tell her really important stuff. She also answers her own questions, with the wrong answers and is generally harder and harder to try and have a conversation with.

my xmil was like this. Never let me FINISH a sentence once in 7 years.

my dm is like this, her latest trick is phone me talk endlessly for about 20 mins about herself, ask questions then talk over my answers and hang up when i have chance to ask her something.

I suspect this is not so much a MIL problems as a certain kind of person problem.

My exh had a cousin who did this all the time. You could never have a conversation with her because she just talked about herself, or things that affected her, in a constant monologue.

From time to time, when I was with her, I'd do the same to her. I don't think she ever noticed, but it amused me and helped a boring afternoon pass more quickly.

My mother was like this. Pointless interacting with her as every call was just a monologue about her. Me me me me me me me. Then 'you're very quiet are you okay?' I'd try to answer 'well I'm a bit tired because..' then I'd get 'well I find when I'm tired me me me me me me me me me...'. One of many reasons we're no longer in touch. Utter drain.

My mother does this. It's bad enough when she does it to me, but when she does it to the kids I really get the rage. She'll talk incessantly, ask them a question about their lives and then instantly answer it herself, incorrectly. My kids are IMO interesting people with interesting lives and thoughts of their own and her inability to listen to anything they say (or even give them a chance to speak) makes me want to scream.

My MIL does this. Asks me a question then answers it for me

Thanks. Good to know I’m not out here on my own with this one. I’m usually pretty good at trying to put myself in other people’s shoes and think ok this might be why she behaves like this but sometimes it’s hard to always be the one trying to think like that when you get no consideration in return. It does sometimes make me feel a bit disrespected. If a friend acted like that constantly you’d distance yourself but it’s impossible to do that with your MIL

Mil is like this. I can see her physically not listening when I speak. Tbf they are all like that- they just all talk over each other. Am used to it now and have worked out that if I have to say something important I just need to say it 15 times.

Mine is absolutely terrible.

Loves the sound of her own voice and repeats things over and over and over again. Will ask you a question then talk over the answer. She drains every ounce of energy from my body.

You could have written this about my MIL. My coping tactic is to not begin or cultivate ANY conversation about anything. If she asks me a question, I'll smile sweetly and politely answer, but then won't continue the conversation. And when she inevitably keeps harping on, I'll continue to smile sweetly and nod sympathetically, without uttering a word.

5 years on, I think she thinks I'm a bit dim, but it saves me from getting annoyed about her rudeness so much!

I say as little as possible too. It’s not worth the bloody effort.

Yes, mine monolgues for hours about really interesting subjects such as the new soap she is using and the time the phone needed fixing. She thinks I'm a real bookworm, because my nose is always in a book. But the truth is there is no telly and sitting in a room for 5 hours listening to her drives me insane

She is the only person in my life who thinks I am a quiet bookworm

I don’t know how to solve this. My mother does it to my dh then yes, complains he’s quiet! Fml! She asks a question, clearly couldn’t give a flying fuck about his answer and interrupts before he’s finished. He’s just given up, even when I told her to stop, she clearly just isn’t very interested in what he has to say.

A lady at the yard is similar, monologue about herself and her horse, totally lacking in consideration for anyone else or their horse. It’s weird, so unnatural to be so lacking in empathy/awareness.

Yes! My MIL. She doesn't bother asking questions though. 'Hi MIL, it's schoolrum, how are you?' 'Fine' no 'and you?' Never. Not even after I nearly died. I suppose that makes her not fake as she doesn't even pretend to care. Conversations should be two way but if you try to respond and add anything she just looks the other way. RUDE.

I could have written the OP - it drives me mad especially when I’m trying to impart important info about about DD’s care and she blah blah blahs over me then just does as she bloody well pleases

My DM is getting so bad with verbal diarrhoea that I’ve actually had to hang up the phone.

She never checks the time before ringing, and recently it’s been in the middle of very busy family stuff. I take the call (or she rings incessantly, and I start to worry about emergencies), but then don’t even get the chance to say ‘can’t chat right this minute, can I call you back in an hour’.

I’m stumped as to what to do about it. I don’t want to hang up on her, or leave the phone on the bench while I get on with life, but she doesn’t draw breath! And like a previous poster, she is damaging her relationship with the grandkids. They sigh and eye roll when I call them to the phone. She loves them to death, but can’t shut up and listen enough to get to know them. They barely get time to say ‘hi grandma’.

My own granny had drawn a big black letter S for Shut up on her phone (landline, with cord). She knew oldies were in danger of getting garrulous, and didn’t want to become one by accident. You knew she’d caught sight of it when she abruptly stopped talking in the middle of a sentence!

I’d love to draw one for my mum, but where do you put one on today’s phones?!

My DM is a whiz at answering the questions she asks, usually getting the answer wrong, then berating you for the answer you didn’t even give.

Example:
DM ‘When is the DGD’s music recital? It’ll be on the 8th of course, which is soooo inconvenient to me cos I’m doing x, x & x. And what time does it start? Usually 6pm, you really need to ask them to start it later, you’re wrong in being so passive with them, it’s a flaw in your personality my girl. Blah blah blah.’ and so on for 15 minutes minimum.

Me: ‘it’s at 7.30pm on the 6th mum.’

My MIL is the same! Talks and talks, asks questions but never listens for the answer... because she answers it herself.

She mainly does it to the children. “How is school? Are you enjoying school? Oh I bet you are...” and meanwhile said child is standing there, mouth hanging open, because they were about to reply but now the opportunity is lost

Worst of all, our youngest is autistic and speech delayed and really needs you to LISTEN to him carefully when he talks. Does my head in.

My husband's entire family are like this. They all just talk over the top of each other, getting louder and louder to make themselves heard. No one is listening to anyone else. Makes me want to scream. No advice to offer, but lots of sympathy!

My mil doesn't listen because if you dare to talk about yourself or your life she is desperately waiting for you to finish to say her bit. Every single time her input is irrelevant. She draws on something someone she once knew told her thirty years ago, or if the kids talk about school she ignores what they are actually saying and talks about when she was at school a million years ago! Never relevant or interesting. It ends the conversation as you don't want to know about her past when you're talking about something, or the DC are, that just happened.

Actually Jarline you’ve made a good point. Although my MIL is the worst offender (I really hate it when she monologues at her grandchildren and doesn’t listen to their attempts to reply) actually the entire family, when we get together, just shout over each other. It hurts my brain after a while