Alternative ways of life

[Boredbumhead]

Just asking for ideas and advice really. I am a single mum. I work full time in a full time job which is difficult and somewhat high pressure. I have two DC's aged 4 and 8. But I'm rapidly burning out. Something needs to change. I spend all day in office and feel me and the kids are disconnected from nature and exhausted. I keep watching Ben Fogels escape to the wild, and needing an escape. I can't keep doing the rat race and living for contentment around the corner. Just asking for advice. Help something. Perhaps I need to change career to something with more meaning and purpose. I don't have many friends and I don't have a support network, so I'm pretty isolated.

Look for a Green or Blue Gym? They are community outdoor activities in parks or beaches and are basically an outdoor work out doing litter picking or planting or digging etc
And Forest school for your DC, loads of them around and could give you some free time.

Like you OP, some years ago I was having a bit of a bum time and hated the life I was living. Being stuck in 1 place in a big congested city where I couldn't afford to buy my own house I felt claustrophobic really quite depressed. I loved the idea of changing my environment so we both made our jobs so we can work from anywhere and we now live on a narrowboat cruising up and down the country. The great thing is we can go into the heart of major cities like London, Liverpool, Birmingham, Sheffield and a week later we can moor up in the quiet countryside with nothing around for miles.

Can any of your work be done from home and can you request remote working? If you don't ask, you don't get. I requested to WFH afar taking a sabbatical and travel in monthly for meetings, best thing I ever did

following with massive interest and will think things over and look forward to sitting and reading this. Are you on the property ladder, OP? i'm burnt out and trying to escape. it's tricky. not done it yet.

Do you have a garden? Fresh air every day really does help. Growing fruit and veg can be very nourishing for the soul.
Also, building your support network. Do you have a local running club? I really recommend cold water swimming for making you feel alive and happy!

@FruityWidow that is amazing, I'm very jealous! Was it expensive to buy and do you have a lot of running costs? Daft question but do you have wifi on there??

Small steps but going on a bike ride to a local forest park this weekend.
Watched and loved minimalists on Netflix last night.
Will need to build up the courage to ask for remote working, I'm worried they would refuse.

We have a parklives scheme so will look into that too.

Thanks, lots of good ideas on here.

I recommend get some easy house plants like spider plants, cacti they help clean the air
Grow some easy indoor herbs
If you have a garden grow easy veg like tomatoes, radish & sunflowers, lavender
You will attract bees, butterflies & other friendly insects. You can do this in a very small space

OP

I'm in London and definitely know how you feel

however, the first thing I'll say is if you have no support network and nothing outside work to help your brain, you need to start there. I know it's really bloody hard to do a class or whatever after the office has sucked the life out of you, but it's worth the effort.

Could you try drama or singing or something physical, to offset the horrible "sitting at a desk"?

what's your situation re childcare, could you do a 5 mile walk at the weekend?

A few things as I've been in the same boat:

1. Make sure your holidays are plenty of outdoorsy alternative things. A week on Isle of Skye etc. Even doing two small rural UK breaks a year, even with budget cottage with fireplace etc., makes the world of difference, it's like pressing a re-set button.
2. Make it a goal to get out for a weekend ramble every weekend. Some national trust properties have family walks, some forest schools offer weekend family events, sometimes monthly.
3. Get out 2x a month without your dc. Even for a coffee or a grown up walking even with rambler's association. Makes the world of difference to have 2 hours off.
4. long term look at whether you could live more rurally. Don't rush into anything. Commutes are very bad for mental health. But look at what it would take.

Thank you so much for these. I am making a note of all. The family went out for a forest bike ride. It was energising. It's a small step. But getting there.

@MoreMoneyPlease the boat itself was just under £30k and our running costs aren't as cheap as you might think. When you factor in fuel, gas, coal, licensing, insurances, maintainance and servicing its about 10k per year for us. And yes we have WiFi my work is entirely Internet based.

@FruityWidow - what do you do for friendship if you are always on the move? It sounds idyllic but I suspect in reality I'd want to put down roots somewhere and make a life with friends locally.

Are these of interest?
www.diggersanddreamers.org.uk/noticeboards/members-needed

@milliefiori I have more friendships now than I ever did in a house. I didn't know anyone in my local area. But being on the water you instantly have something in common with other boaters and when you travel past each other at only 4 mph it's easy to start the conversation. All of my non boater friends and family are all over the country so we've always travelled to visit anyway, and social media helps stay connected.

@FruityWidow - that sounds so lovely. So you bump into the same people on the waterways do you? Have you ever come across the poet Jo Bell? She lives on a houseboat. I love her work and if you ever see her live, she radiates more human happiness than any person I've ever met. She writes about how lovely the life is.

@ravensoaponarope I love that website, what amazing places! I'm tempted but people annoy me too much to live with a whole load of them...

@MoreMoneyPlease yeah and some of the work looks a bit hard.
But if they were the right people, it would be lovely.

Yeah I'm a raving introvert half the time, so I'm not sure I could go fully communal!

There are some in-between co housing places, that aren't fully communal- there is one in Norwich and bedzed in London has a similar vibe, and lots of others I'm sure. A friend of mine who is a LP bought a big house with another LP- they each have their own part of the house but always have company and babysitting etc.

Definitely as much nature as possible. Can you compress your week, esp if you do a couple of days from home? Has made a huge difference to us, we both do it and the extra day cuts us some slack. Also not feeling the pressure to sign kids up to loads of stuff- keep your schedule clear, have time for messing about, being creative.

(Also I don't think Lucy on the Ben Fogle programme does do affiliate marketing, I think the income is from writing- she's done a couple of books on natural beauty stuff- and selling online courses on parenting etc).

hmm.. 'watch my channel' 'buy my book on amazon' - ok, my mistake as there are no direct affiliate marketing links.

and she was making a nuisance of herself in London with Extinction Rebellion last summer. She lives in NZ. Long walk...

Inspired by this thread, I started watching the Ben Fogle programmes last night, haven't got to Lucy yet but have just googled her website (don't worry, I won't buy anything) I really want to leave the rat race now though!

An article about being more connected to nature (and, yes, he does have a book to sell!!): www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-filter/how-to-escape-to-the-wild-and-forget-about-modern-life-completel/

I love Ben Fogle's programme! They are all so inspiring and to me, they seemed so courageous to challenge mainstream ways of living. I can't change my current living circumstance and on the whole it's ok, but I try and get outside as much as possible as this maintains my (slightly wobbly) sanity.

sign the kids up to beavers/scubs/brownies. They are too young now but often waiting lists are years long anyway.
It wont be a family thing (although you could help out) but the kids learn lots of new skills, get outside, go on camps etc. its really beneficial and gives them lots of skills they dont learn anywhere else (making shelters, making fires, orienteering etc) and gets them close to nature and gives them a nice natural confidence.