To feel more hurt about one death

[Nursingnew]

My Grandad died suddenly in front of me as he was having a stroke and I had to phone the ambulance as they rushed him away and then I went to the hospital after and he was just paralysed and in a coma and died a few hours later. However my Nan died 2 months after my grandad but was in hospital for a month with me visiting regularly.
I feel bad that I am hurting a lot lot more for my grandad ( maybe more trauma related and that it being sudden) and crying more for him than my nan that I was equally close to.
It's been a year now tho and I am coming to peace with both the deaths so close together

I definitely think the trauma around a death makes it worse.

See it in a different way....for example, your grandad didn’t have to suffer for months or had to spend weeks in hospital. My Grandma had a stroke and died the next day. She was young only 70. Although it’s upsetting I know that it would’ve been harder if she stayed alive.

I totally have this too. I lost 3/4 grandparents within a year. The first was my Grandad, it was very sad but tbh I wasn’t that close, I was grieving more for the memories of how times were. But when I lost my other Grandad, my god it knocked me for 6. He went downhill very quickly. From ‘he’s got an infection’ to the night sitters are coming tonight’ just in case. It literally physically hurts still now, almost exactly two years on. I only saw him a couple of times a year but he always made me feel precious and wonderful. I still cry at least weekly over missing him. Then 4 months after Grandad we lost my granny, which I was there for (really didn’t want to be but my mum needed support). Again, it was sad but really I was re-grieving my grandad and tbh my childhood. Grief is a funny thing, I try not to feel guilty about the different grief. I had a different relationship with my grandad to my other grandparents, so it was always going to hurt more. Hope the cloud lifts a little for you soon xxx