Aibu or are people getting really ungrateful when receiving gifts

[Chopbob]

Twice in as many weeks I've had group messages from relatives/friends specifying what we cannot buy them for their birthday. Something along the lines of..
"Hi everyone! Just in anticipation if my upcoming birthday, please don't buy me x,y and z, if you really must buy something how about a donation to charity or just the pleasure of your company 😊, I really don't need any more gifts in my house lol"
One of the messages then goes on to say how previous gifts have been thoughtless given their current lifestyle/health.

Now...all good...except x,y and z are specific items that I, or another friend/relative have purchased for the recipient for previous birthday/xmas. Not controversial items by any means!

I really do put a lot of money, thought and consideration into buying gifts- although I realise sometimes I may miss the mark!

It just really cheeses me off that
A- they assume they were ever getting a gift
B- they're dressing up what is essentially a really shitty message as some sort of help/favour

Aibu or are they just CFs?

What items were they?

It's depends if they're being gifted useless stuff I guess.

I mean it's cheeky to assume, and it's pretty tactless, but I kind of get it.

Sounds like they just don't want their house filled with crap to me. People are turning against gift giving in general due to the wastage so messages like this will become more and more common

I’d rather not receive gifts of ‘things’

I don’t have the space and have quite specific tastes along with living minimally as much as possible

But I wouldn’t dare make someone feel bad about a gift they made the effort to give

I would generally donate it

I know it's tactless - but I feel upset that people are spending their money on stuff that I'll never use, when a birthday card would be fine. And people's definitions of 'stuff' varies enormously!

Yabu. Gifts are not about the giver, are they? So I think it's best if a receiver is clear about what would be moot/ not well received. Unless they were sending links to their amazon wishlist, then I think there's nothing wrong with some limitations. I don't feel like these people are necessarily assuming gifts, BTW. Especially as they did state that your company is enough so if you're considering buying gifts then it's not necessary. I'm all about communication and hate second guessing and pussyfooting so I don't see the problem.

I think it’s nice they’re requesting you don’t waste money on shit they don’t want or need to be honest. I hate getting gifts I would never use, I just think it’s so wasteful and really feel for the gift-giver.

I think it's fair enough to say 'please no chocolate as I'm trying to lose weight'

Or for example, I didn't really want gin for Xmas because i have 4 unopened bottles from my birthday. And I'm not a big drinker.

My mum loves candles but has a cupboard full from previous gifts so probably doesn't want any more of those.

Or some people have sensitive skin so most smelly gufts are useless to them.

All lovely gifts just not needed at the moment.

My friend was telling me that she got bottles of wine (doesn't drink), chocolates (sets off her migraines a treat so she never eats it) and sets of smellies (again, migraines so she's not one for anything scented). It's not that she's ungrateful, but all this just goes straight in a box to donate to charity.

I’ve tried to talk to my family about this. We are all comfortably off. We can afford to buy any perfume/clothing/jewellery/books/tickets to things within reason that we may want/need at any time. We all spend pretty much the same amount on one another.
So why oh why must we (Christmas is the worst) go around in circles every year with the same old:
A: “oh want do You want for Christmas?”
B: err...dunno
A: perfume, jewellery?
B: well I’ve got loads of perfume and I never wear most of my jewellery
A: a book? Slippers?
b: i don’t really read much lately and Barbara bought me new slippers for my birthday last month. il have a think...
2 weeks later
A: did you decide what you want?
B: why don’t you surprise me?
Aaaarggh!!!

I HATE the tying yourself in knots, racking your brain thinking what some one would like knowing they probably won’t even use it/want it as I feel the same about pretty much all the presents I receive myself!
Even when I did get some perfume I wanted for Christmas off my mum it was after basically saying “oh I like such and such” and her saying “oh, I like such and such” and then buying one another perfume of the same value when we could’ve just gone out and bought it for ourselves!
I’ve told them I’m not doing it next year and I’m just buying for my kids. It’s just silly.
I do love receiving gifts off my dh as he always buys me something extravagant that I wouldn’t buy for myself. But gifts off everyone else I’d do away with in return for not having to buy for them!

If it's chocolate and they're on a diet it's fair enough I think

I will be given a gift from sil for my birthday who really doesn't like me. She begrudges buying me a gift so last birthday got me two jumpers, both not my taste colour or style wise (both you can live with) but in a size 20. I am a size 10 up top. I will be expected to be gushing grateful. I am not! I have said many times that we are only doing birthday presents for kids but will no doubt still will get a shitty present I am expected to be thankful for. It is daft and draining.

I don't think there is anything wrong asking for a charity donation instead.

It’s not cheeky to assume that people who’ve always bought you gifts are planning to do so again.

I also don’t think it’s cheeky to specify that things that might have been good in the past are no longer wanted due to lifestyle changes etc, or to say that you don’t want more stuff in your house.

The whole culture of giving people gifts just so you can tick them off your list, then everybody donating unwanted gifts to the school Tombola is insane and wasteful.

Yes it pisses me off no end! Expect nothing and be grateful for anything! I don’t know how other people were raised.

Ive never had anyone say anything like that but i agree op people should be more grateful. A gift is a gift and if you dont want it or can't eat/ drink it for whatever reason - regift it

We are so much more affluent than in the past- so we are fussier about what we have.

A gift is a gift and if you dont want it or can't eat/ drink it for whatever reason - regift it

AKA pass the shit on.
Make 2 people receive poor thoughtless gifts instead of 1.

Their message was tactless, but I understand the sentiment. A lot of the gifts I receive for Christmas and birthdays are things I'd never use. I appreciate the thought, but it feels like such a waste. I'd much rather people just gave me a nice card and we spent some together.

The thing is we no longer live in a society of scarcity. While that is still the reality for some people, for most of us, it is not. If we want something, at the sort of level we'd consider giving as a present to someone else, we can get it for ourselves. Most of us don't really need anything new at all.

I think we probably all need to get used to the idea of giving and receiving far fewer presents all round as a way of reducing consumption. So much of what gets given these days is wasted, whether the recipient is super-polite or not. So I think it's sensible of people to try to prevent a lot of that unnecessary consumption in the first place and a bit ridiculous to get all offended about it.

Everyone in the history of gift giving believes that they buy thoughtful gifts!
Sometimes, as you say we miss the mark
So what
It is tough. If you don't like it, you are no worse off than you were 2 seconds before you got it.
If you have a 100 of them, doesn't matter.
Cram it in the cupboard or give it away.
It is not important except to people who believe that they are the centre of the universe and that everyone should either buy them precisely what they want or not bother at all (preferably the first of course)
And they dress that up with pseudo virtuous crap about the planet and 'tat'
Yanbu. Buy them exactly what you bought last year but more of it!

I have a family who demand what they want, for themselves or their children ... Either money or money towards specific items, or specific items. However they refuse to do the same for me and mine. I only suggest money as if none of us have a lot of cash it's great to get money so you can buy stuff you need rather than them waste their money on something that doesn't fit or will get shoved in the back of a cupboard. (Which is exactly what happened) Seems a real waste. Suprise gifts are great but not so great if someone skint and would prefer cash to buy clothes/shoes. I'm not keen on the don't buy me x, y, or z, but I did say that this year but due to allergies. Again, don't want people to waste money on soaps/creams /bubbles etc if can't use them.