Would you be annoyed by phones in baby’s face

[Lavendersblue88]

Just wondering what other people think. We have relatives who we don’t see very often (maybe every couple of months). When they see DD they are very intense and intrusive of her personal space and aren’t satisfied just letting her play. They want to hold her, touch her, pick her up, follow her around etc. This is something we’ve raised with them and they have tried to back off a bit with that. She comes to people in her own time and normally when they feign disinterest.

The other thing they do is whenever she does something slightly ‘interesting’ they are all on their phones videoing or taking photos. So she’ll be crawling upstairs and there’s 3 of them scrambling after her trying to film. It was the same when she was newborn and I hated it, because I was maybe 4 days postnatal cuddling my baby and she’d open her eyes and they’d all swarm around with their phones.

Are we being PFB or would it annoy other people? Because we don’t see them that often I know we can just suck it up, but my husband is worried it will mean our DD doesn’t enjoy their company because she may eventually start feeling self-conscious.

Really surprised by the responses here! She’s your baby, you’re allowed to set whatever boundaries you and your DH are comfortable with. If that’s taking less photos then that’s fine. I don’t think it’ll do her any harm (but I don’t think you were implying it would) but it’s annoying and pointless. Just play with her and BE with her, rather than just snapping away. YANBU.

I would want to know that pics and videos were not going on social media without permission.

It's up to you if your baby's image is put in a public place.

I know what you mean OP, my parents and in laws both do this. They can't just live in the moment, everything always has to be documented by taken a million photos which are then put up on Facebook to show their "fans" that they have visited my children. Yanbu

I think YANBU. Apart from anything else, if you find it intrusive and uncomfortable for yourself they should respect that.

I don’t you are not being unreasonable. I don’t allow friends or family to take pics or videos of my children. Not grandparents,sibilings nobody. Mainly for the simple reason that they can’t keep the pics and videos off of social media. I no longer allow my in laws to have any pics of my children because they can’t keep it off SM. So in laws see the kids every 2 years for a weekend

I tbink you are being a bit PFB from this ‘ When they see DD they are very intense and intrusive of her personal space and aren’t satisfied just letting her play. They want to hold her, touch her, pick her up, follow her around etc. ’

When I visit my niece I would go in and if she’s playing on the floor pick her up and give her a cuddle, then sit down on the floor and play with her and then if she got up to go into the kitchen follow her in and play in there. I would call it playing with the child not being not satisfied seeing her play or being intrusive my DB obviously doesn’t have an issue with it as he invites me around lots and now my niece is a bit older she usually comes running out to meet me as she knows I will engage her and spend time with her.

I would also take pics or videos if she’s doing something cute. I mean she is my niece and I love her

It sounds a bit like you’re projecting your own relationship with these people onto how you perceive their relationship with your daughter. My DB has always been happy that myself and other family members take such an interest in his children.

I should say they have a social media ban so I would never put a photo or video I’ve taken online.

DH said he wants to bring up the phone use with them because he finds it too much and he is worried she will associate seeing them with phones frantically being thrust towards her. Not making happy memories

You're low contact so do you really think she'll associates them with videos? And as for just making happy memories !

Let you DH deal with it, let him look like the PFB parent?

OTT to my mind when you rarely see them. Maybe they take the videos to remember your child u Tom the next t rare time they see them?

You’re not being precious. I completely agree with you that it’s OTT on their part. And I agree with your husband.

Perhaps if you saw these relatives a little more often they wouldn't feel the need to record her progress each time they saw her. Your DD sounds as though she's not much more than a year old. Babies change a lot in that time so if they're only seeing her every couple of months, it is reasonable to see why they might want to record those changes.

You don't like them anyway, so does it matter if your DD grows up associating them with phones instead of vomit-inducing 'happy memories'?

Interesting reading everyone’s responses, thank you.

I am LC with DH’s family but he isn’t and still visits them and every couple of months they visit for the day. They live 200 miles away so it isn’t like we’d see them much more often than that anyway. I make myself absent when they visit. This may change in the future, but right now it’s the only way it works for our family. DH is the one who has observed this behaviour recently and who feels uncomfortable with it. He is the one who wants to ask them to tone it down and he is the one who would deal with it. I am simply posting to see what others think about it. I have been on the receiving end of their intensity with phones and found it very uncomfortable, so I am bias in that sense.

To be very clear - they receive lots of photos and videos via my DH. It isn’t that they are starved of photos of DD. We have no problem with people taking photos or videos of our DD and have no problem with people loving her and being enthusiastic. We don’t think she is at risk of harm from people’s phones

We have friends/other family who engage with DD and it’s a pleasure to see. But this intensity isn’t normal. Climbing stairs is just an example. She can be on swings, on a rocking horse, in her highchair - anything, and they frantically crowd around with their phones in her face. It’s as though she’s a toy, not a human with her own feelings.

I’ve just repeated a lot of what I said in my OP, but it seems as though some people have missed the point.

Just wanted to know if it would annoy other people I guess! And looks as though the majority would be ok with it, so thank you. Will persuade DH not to confront them on it next time they visit

It sounds totally annoying. Harmless. Loving. Well-intended. But it would annoy the sheer hell out of me too OP.

Definitely PFB

Totally PFB and OTT. I’d be delighted if people showed this much interest in my kids. It’s totally harmless and quite sweet that they want to capture every moment. Don’t cut your nose off to spite your face- if you alienate them now your daughter could really miss out as she gets older.

WAY over the top if you only see them once every couple of months. I am sure they see a huge difference in your daughter in that time and want to capture it. You get to see her every day. I'd imagine confronting them with it would be so hurtful. They sound like they love her very much.

I would never get my phone out for pictures without asking permission! It would be very rude indeed.

Parents have the say here, not relatives. I would introduce a box by the front door for phones and cameras to be deposited on arrival.

Why not take and post (privately) your own weekly photos for the family? That should sort it.

I hope they aren't putting their photos on SM without getting permission?

'I’m LC with them (not relevant to this), but after their last visit DH said he wants to bring up the phone use with them because he finds it too much and he is worried she will associate seeing them with phones frantically being thrust towards her. Not making happy memories'

Oh get over yourself 🙄

Why dont you just say at the outset that you want everyone to enjoy her and it's hard to do that when people are taking pictures so why dont one of you (person with best phone for example) take photos and videos and share them afterwards. That's what we do at family events otherwise people get sick of posing for 5 different people to have the same picture

Just occurred to me...I felt horribly uncomfortable when I was on the receiving end of their phones when DD was a few days old. I wasn’t being PFB about myself, it just felt unpleasantly intense and like I was a fish in a bowl. So is it really being PFB or is it just objecting to behaving like that towards anyone?

“I’m willing to accept if I’m being PFB” well clearly you’re not 🙄

Also a box at the door for phones and cameras fucking hahahahaha

A box at the door for phones is ridiculous.

I had the same experience. Unfortunately it resulted in my son crying whenever his grandparents on dad's side were in his view. After about 18 months they took my advice of letting him come to them, now he adores them.

So is it really being PFB or is it just objecting to behaving like that towards anyone?

No, it's just about not liking these people. You don't like them. We get it. Just own it and stop justifying it by trying to persuade everyone else to your point of view.