Ainu to go no contact with fil

[meorthem]

I've had to name change because if my family use this they will put all of my posting together and know it's 100% me posting
I have a bad relationship with my husbands dad he is so unhelpful and so unkind to my husband and there is a protracted history with money that they have taken. If you know me from my writing style please don't connect things up. In the most recent disagreement over finances I have felt totally overwhelmed and I just feel I need no contact with his dad. I am huge into family. I get on fine with his mum as I can. Last night I clumped what I could remember in about 90 seconds and text my husband this about his dad, I am very close to my husband. I feel that in general people let their family do things they wouldn't let others do.
I am going to change a couple of names in here so it's not clear where I am. But see this and tell me if you feel this is treatment enough to not have him in my life. My husband has addressed these things with his dad as they have cropped up but I've never said them all at one and it seems like a lot but is not everything. My Husband really does not get on with his dad. They live very close to us.

Ear plugs going to go back in so you don’t wake me when you come up. Makes it a bit easier for you also.
Sorry I’ve left you this evening. I know you’re stressed. We cope with things in different ways and I have to sleep atm as a bit run down but it will pass.
I don’t want you alone mulling on your thoughts. It makes me really sad. It’s been too much anguish. Your dad is really a very unhealthy input in our lives.. something needs to change. Stress is literally a killer and I can feel myself becoming ill each time your family is unreasonable. Ask yourself what you want as a result? Your feelings are vital but if anyone else was making me feel the way they are which is how your dad makes me feel... he has the most horrible impact in the world out of everyone... I don’t think you would be dealing with things like you are.. my stomach literally hurts and ulcers came up this afternoon all over my mouth..
You would be putting an instant stop to it. For five years your dad has repeatedly wrecked many intimate and emotional and private moments in our lives. He’s rocked our marriage so hard I don’t know how we are standing. He’s robbed me of breast feeding. I had to drive around 8 days after a c section because I had no help. He’s made me fear losing our home at 10 weeks pregnant. Hes Made me think I should go back to work whilst Your sil does nothing. He’s questioned my drug routine to make me think I should be in pain. He’s shouted at me and ignored me. He’s made me think I need to sleep on a sofa bed in a dark and smoke infested flat to rent my house to Finance him. He’s let your mother ask us 4 times to give us our home. He’s asked us to share our Money with him when I am pregnant so he can allegedly survive. He cornered me with his foul breath in my study demanding money i one did not have and two did not owe for your car whilst you criedi in despair on the sofa with flu. He’s held paper under my nose so close it touched my eye lashes telling me I need to do your paper work for the toll road. He has taken my dad away from you when he’s not your dads friend first but your own dad. He has no friends and sees my parents as his friends not your second parents. He has over ruled all family events with his ridiculous over intellectual and embarrassing conversation with my parents as your mother, making me and you look like fools. He has broken and dirtied our home leaving me to clean it. He sits in dead silence making me so uncomfortable I wish to cry. He is ok watching me work so hard by myself be suffering with sickness in hospital with exploded veins in my hands and vomit stuck in my hair whilst our child is at nursery in order to do work from a bed in hospital to get money from our own business to line his pocket with fictional debts he has accused us off rounding up. He was happy for my parents to spend thousands on full Time childcare robbing me of my early years with Our child that can never be taken back whilst you worked like a slave with strangers faeces on your hands unblocking toilets 100 miles away but allows your sibling to flounce around as his wife is "sick"
He has been nothing but unhelpful, un loving and cruel to me and you must think of how you would resolve it with anyone else other then your father
You would not stand for it..

With a large complex family it's going to be very difficult to enforce the individual rules
Just tell them all to fuck off and save yourself the bother of the individual policing

It's not easy to let go family
and that's why they twist your arm so hard because they know they can get away with it
You have to be meaner than they are and tell them all to fuck off

Anyway he's doing illegal things with his business so you've got some dirt on him
you can threaten him with that 🙂
Use it for leverage and use it hard

They do need to fuck off you are right.

I feel a lot less worried having shared my feelings, thank you everyone
It's isolating because families are embarrassing I don't wantthe world to know how scummy they are

Cut them off, in your mind tell yourself they are no longer welcome as part of your chosen family.
Stop treating them as if they are family members, they don't treat you as if you're family after all!

Walk away from the family business. We have done the same. Just gave up our share without a backward glance. Forget about the money, it’s not worth having to be involved with these people. Make your own business work or get a job or whatever. You’re going to spend your life trying to please people who will never be happy.

it sounds as if the business is quite dodgy, the people running it are batshit..... It's going to end up in a big old expensive angry mess 😲😳😲
you're better off out of it

You may have founded the business with your DH, but do you actually OWN / are a director of any of it? If you are misusing funds from the company account that is also your fault. You DO have a DH issue if this is still hanging over your head. Would you stay with your DH if he refuses to cut FIL out?

I'm confused, how did he rob you of breastfeeding & how was it his fault you were driving around 8 weeks postpartum with no help? Where was your husband/parents etc at that point? Super confusing post.

@HouseOfCrayCray

He has been so stressful and such a liar I got so upset with my husband crying all day that I could not make any milk. It literally dried up.
He is a spiteful man and a liar and if you go through stress when you are about a week after giving birth it will affect milk supply.

It was 8 days after my c section not 8 weeks. My husband was working to pay bills, if we didn't give them tens of thousands of pounds we didn't owe them then we would have had the chance to take a break from work for a month or so to get me on my feet.
If we didn't give him money that we didn't owe him we wouldn't have been so tight to carry on working so it is his fault for lying.

We only pay ourselves what we can afford via the business and it is salary or dividends at the end of the year if there is profit. It's not right to take dividends every month as that would be considered a salary by HMRC.

@ConstanceSalinger I own 60% of the business with my husband and he owns 40% this is a business we started years ago alone, with nobody else.
My FIL gave my husband multiple sob stories about having no money and my husband gave him money as apparently he owed my FIL money, when he didn't. Our company account is not missing funds. My husband has been taking money from his personal account and giving it to his dad, which he never needed to do.

MY FIL has another business which he owns approx 1/3 of. It is this business that him and my BIL have been taking money out of that my husband also owns 1/3 of. My BIL And FIL have been calling the draw downs "dividends" on the bank statement. It's been taken almost every month. On top of this they take PAYE which they think they deserve. That is another story.
If they have the same class of dividend as my husband and they give dividends out then by law my husband should receive the same amount. They have the same dividends. My husband has received nothing.

I spoke to solicitors in the summer regarding the business my husband, his dad and his brother effectively own. Does that make sense?

My business is operating legally. It is the other business that my husband is actually owed money from. He started that company 15 years ago and a lot of blood sweat and tears went into it.

I am not asking about finances and if that's why I should cut him out. I am asking if I should cut him out due to the treatment he has had of me. My text was scrambled. I was upset and frantic when I sent it last night to my husband. He agrees with me his dad has been bad. When some of the incidents get clustered together in one place it becomes more obvious, just how badly his dad has treated me.
His dad has treated him even worse.

His dad pretends to be an honest, clever, charming and genuine man to everyone else.
I have told my mother about everything. She is very sad.

I thought I was marrying into a family who were very close. It's an enormous dissapointment and heart ache.

@HouseOfCrayCray my parents live in another country. I moved here for university. Met my husband, fell in love and stayed here with him as he doesn't have a degree so couldn't move to the country I used to live in.

My mum has come after both babies were born for a week to help. After one week she had to go back to work in her home country.
She is younger then my husbands parents and at the peak of her career.

Because my husband had to work I had to look after the children.

If that's the case it sounds like he's created a totally toxic situation & yanbu at all to go nc

You say it is your fil's fault for demanding money, but it is your husband who gave it to him.
I think you need to reassess the victim mentality, your husband gave him the money, that is why you couldn't take leave.While your fil sounds like an absolute bellend, your husband is the one in the wrong. If your husband owns 1/3 of a business that is legally doing things wrong and he gets no benefit from he should sign his piece over to your fil.

If your DH refuses to step away from his family what are you going to do? This nothing to do with your FIL and everything to do with how your DH steps up now.