AIBU to want to take ex to court ?

[Vviane80]

Hi all
I dated my ex for 5 years.
I’ve never been on the pills for medical reasons so our only contraception for 4 years was condoms. It was a permanent source of tensions since he wanted to get rid of it and I didn’t.

After 4 years we decided to get married within the next 2 years and started TTC right away. So we stopped using condoms.
After 6 month we consulted and it turned out I had fertility issues that needed to be addressed surgically. After I recovered, we went back to TTC.
It’s during that time that we had one fight. I was nervous, vulnerable and went off on him. I apologized right after and thought we were ok but apparently we were not.

Right after that fight, he reconnected with his ex, started seeing her behind my back. I had no idea whatsoever. He acted like everything was fine. I would temp and chart and tell him when we needed to do the did because I was ovulating or about to ovulate and he would go along.
He NEVER told me he had second thoughts about having a baby or about us.

I eventually got pregnant, after 1 year of TTC.
When I found out I was elated. I told him and without a second of hesitation he told me: “I don’t want it, get rid of it or do this alone and never ask me for anything”
No word can describe the pain and shock I felt.
I decided to keep the baby so he left and never looked back

I went through my pregnancy alone, hoping he would come around but he never did.
I sent him pictures of the baby, he never answered
My child is 2 now and I’m thinking about taking him to court. Most of my family and friends think I should do it because they think he is as responsible as I am for this child. That he pretended to want it, did everything to conceive knowingly and only bulked once I was pregnant. but 2 of them think I shouldn’t because for them, the minute he told me he didn’t want the baby, I should have listen to him and terminate the pregnancy no matter what the circumstances were or what he had told me before. So they say I decided to go ahead and have the baby without his consent so he shouldn’t have to be involved in any way.
I think he should be held accountable but I’m shook by what those 2 people said.
What do you think ?

You don't need a court. Contact the Child Maintenance Service for, well, child maintenance. But you can't force him to see or have a relationship with your dc.

Yup agree with pp, just go to the child maintenance service. As much as he might not like money taken from his wage, he made a conscious choice to continue with ttc.

What would you take him to court about?

You can’t force him to have a relationship with the child. All you can do is make him be financially accountable for the child, which you do through the Child Maintenance Service, not through the courts.

Where I live we have to go to court, ask for a DNA test before getting child maintenance. That’s what I meant by going to court. I know I can’t force him to see dc and he made it pretty clear that he’s never going to change his mind on that.
She’s 2 now anyway so it’s too late

Yanbu.
He consented to sex with you.

He doesn't get to 'consent' to your pregnancy. Your friends are wrong.

Contact CMS.

Those telling you that you should have terminated, that you had a child that he willingly created without his 'consent', are prize idiots. Incredibly stupid, insensitive and plain fucking wrong.

He had unprotected sex with his wife and people think he should be able to absolve himself of all responsibility for the life he created? Those people are idiots.

Where do you live?

Of course you must take him to court for child support - however if this is likely to make him suddenly feel interest/ownership over her (since he will start paying for her he might feel he has a right to something) and if you live in a country that would promote his rights over hers and yours then be careful. Sometimes with shitty fathers it's better to let sleeping dogs lie.

Youre well rid of him
Of course you need to contact CMS that money would benefit your child.
Think of it that way
You owe your EX no consideration so why allow him to bully you now?
You have not done anything wrong, he did x x

Contact CMS for child maintenance but sadly that is all he has to actually do for your child, contact cannot be enforced. I’m sorry this happened to you, he’s a real bastard.

If it’s the norm in your country for the judge to award maintenance in similar circumstances then go for it.

I think financially if you afford to do alone then keep doing it alone.
If you get it acknowledged he is the father like a PP said; what he if suddenly decides he wants rights; he wants time with the child.
You may have a hard time with this as he would be able to start exerting control which he may do just to be spiteful.
As it stands you currently make every decision yourself, I don't know that I would willingly give someone so manipulative rights just to get him to admit responsibility.
It could destroy what you and your DC have in so many ways.
I think you are better off without him in your life and think you have had a very lucky escape.

Go ahead and do what it takes to get maintenance. He knew what he was doing.