I know I am being - give me a shake

[lastqueenofscotland]

It’s my birthday today. And my DP asked for my Christmas and birthday present what I wanted. Which was an item for the house, it’s not a frying pan but for the sake of argument let’s say it is. So I sent him a couple of links of examples to frying pans I would like. Around the £20-50 mark. I asked specifically for this item as it is useful, I wanted it and I have a small house that is already bursting at the seams and I don’t need anymore “stuff” that I have nowhere to store.

It’s my birthday today and he’s got me a sweater which is some merch for a band I like but I already own this exact sweater, absolutely like for like. And another bit of band merch; a t-shirt which has a really obvious swearword on it so I can’t really wear it anywhere.
Also this stuff is hugely expensive for what it is so I suspect he’s spent about £60. Which is more than the item I had asked for by some way.

I obviously said thank you etc but he seemed disappointed I wasn’t jumping for joy over it and kept asking if I actually liked it. I said I did and he pressed more saying I didn’t seem that pleased so I said (kindly) that I appreciated the presents but I am unlikely to get much use out of them; I’m far too old for band merch I just have this one sweater I like wearing for very casual/slobbing out. And I will get literally no use of the one that has a swearword on it.
If he had not wanted to buy the frying pan I wish he’d said so I could have got it myself.

I know I sound really ungrateful
So please give me a shake

Have you asked him why he didn't buy what you wanted? That's very weird of him not to.

I can understand why you’re disappointed

I don't think you are being unreasonable, at all. Can he return them?

I don't get why he asked you in the first place if he just bought what he thought. I gave up asking for things because I realized I like (thoughtful) surprises. My family know what I like though so never really get shite.

Have you asked him why he didn’t get what you asked for?

I have no idea he really likes the idea of surprises but occasionally gets off the mark he was going to get me a quite expensive joke present last year but one of my friends said “please don’t do that she’ll hate it” and he did listen.
I just wish he’d said he wasn’t going to get the item I’d asked for.
I’ll have to ask him about returning them.

My DH used to have this thing where he would have to give me a “surprise” something off book. And a few times he bought me some expensive unwanted crap. And I did have to say, this is a waste. I’m going to return.

So now I send him a long list and he chooses from there. I never get everything on my list! So there is still an element of surprise.

You anbu. For Christmas, I got a cocktail glass with 21 on (I'm 36). A bottle opener (I don't drink bottles) and a passport renewal form.
I got him a weekend away in a very expensive hotel suite and a meal in a restaurant he's wanted to visit for years....
Men are so bloody ignorant!

It's chucking money away.

Can you return them & get the "frying pan" ?

Happy birthday.

How annoying and also disappointing for you. It’s one thing to not ask, say to someone you like getting surprises and then get it wrong but another to ask and then not get the present.

I imagine that he thought you would prefer this (or knew he would prefer it and projected onto you) but I don’t think you are BU or need a shake. If you can return for the frying pan-like gift then do. If not, buy it for yourself anyway and maybe have a chat before Christmas about expectations in future.

I can see why you're disappointed. Why didn't he just get you the "frying pan"?

I share a birthday with my daughter and I struggle with money for her presents and party, and every year my partner buys me an expensive present, when what I'd really like is a contribution to my daughter's gifts. She's not his daughter though and says he likes to treat me, but it still gives me an irrational inner rage.

Just sell them then and buy the whatever it was you wanted

🌺🌻🌷🌸🌼🌹🍰🍸🎁🎂🎈Happy Birthday!😀
Can you return the goods and get the item you wanted?
A friends do asked them where they wanted to go on holiday,anywhere in the world!he was going to arrange everything.She was delighted as had always wanted to go to South of France.
He booked Eastbourne.
Happy Days!

Dp not do.sorry.

No shake from me, he’s been a tool. Why bother to ask if he doesn’t care?

Side note, I love Eastbourne

My husband does this every year, asks what I want and buy something completely different. 🙈🙈. X

Happy Birthday by the way. 🎂

He tried to get you a surprise present he thought you’d really like and thought you deserved more of a treat than receiving a frying pan for your birthday. So he’s not great at presents but his heart is in the right place. Be clearer next time that you don’t like surprise gifts and if he wants to surprise you suggest a surprise meal or evening out.