To get pissed off that in laws are always so late when visiting (newborn)

[Napqueen1234]

Hello

Just need to rant. In laws (large family is MIL but also GPIL and various aunts cousins etc) have been visiting in the last week our new DC who’s 7 days old. Always ask in advance (all live around 40 mins away) and never turn up but they’re always SO late. This is fine sometimes but when they agree to come at 3pm but don’t turn up til half 4 it disrupts our dinner, chill out, bath and bed routine for our 2 year old DD which we are keen to keep as normal as possible while she’s going through this huge change. As such visitors leave at 6pm leaving a tantrumming toddler and two tired parents coping with that and a newborn.

I have asked DH to speak to them and also sugggested a ‘come whenever but out by Xpm maybe 4:30?) to give us some family time in the evening. AIBU? My MIL works 9-5 and I understand she doesn’t want to take time off work but turning up in the evening and then later than planned by 45mins+ is driving this hormonal mess mad.

Don't worry about all the people telling you how they don't see why you can't 'just get on with it' etc - if it's a pain in the arse for your family's routine right now, then stick to your guns & declare when visiting hours are! You've JUST had a baby- you're completely entitled to do whatever you like!! Good luck. X

I don't think it's fair for posters to automatically label the in-laws as rude and disrespectful people. Time and punctuality are quite subjective across different families and cultures. It may not be 'common sense' to them to stick to a rigid, Greenwich mean time approach when doing things with family. But if you explain kindly that it's important to you then they should respect that.

Of course it's rude and disrespectful to turn up 90 minutes late with no warning. It's hardly being "rigid" to object to that. OP isn't quibbling over 5 or 10 minutes.

Tell them no, sounds simple but is hard to actually enforce unless you’re quite brutal about it. Dh should be running interference. Mil can come at weekends, no need for her to come during the week on a constant.

I think regardless of new baby/disrupting routine etc, it's rude to say that you will visit someone at a particular time, and then turn up 90 minutes late. YANBU.

I’d actually just rope them into to doing the bedtime routine with you and that way they’ll learn what needs done for your dcs meaning they could potentially come over and put them to bed for you in future. It could be a regular slot on whatever day suited and be a lovely way for the dcs to have a close relationship with dgp

Thanks for all the responses- to those saying I’m being precious I think that’s the thing that’s stopped me saying anything as generally we are quite laid back and I didn’t want to turn into ‘that’ mum that’s setting down all these rules but I think as the impact is on the kids I might impose a ‘it’ll be lovely for your to visit do you mind getting out by 5 so we can have some family time in the evening’ approach as lots have suggested.
As some of you say it’s the lack of appreciation that we may have other things to do or things organised so our time although mostly spent at home is still important!

I have had to put my foot down and tell DH that FIL cannot visit after 6pm on a school night, it just disrupts our whole evening routine. Obviously this made me the bad DIL for preventing FIL seeing his son and GC but I really don’t care, it’s not worth having the massive disruption and upset.

At 7 days PP it’s almost impossible you could be being unreasonable! If you can’t expect other people to do what works best for you at that stage, when can you?

I’m really not a precious routine parent either, but my eldest even now (7) really struggles to unwind and go to sleep if other people are around or have not long left, and so he’s just crabby and tired. It’s ok to do what’s right for you and your very small children, and I would hope family would understand that.

Congratulations on your new baby.

Week end visiting slots only.
2-4pm and show them where your kettle is...

The day I got home from hospital with my 3 day old first born, my ‘D’H invited friends round, they all got shitfaced and they didn’t leave til 10pm, despite me repeatedly telling him to get rid of them. And I was sick with an infection. (Things didn’t improve on the ‘supportive’ front and he is now my ex). But I sympathise! It’s hard when you’re hormonal and exhausted to stand up for yourself and be assertive. He really needs to deal with this for you, I think.