To think she's not a friend?

[LittleMermaidRose]

Sitting chatting with my friend/coworker of 5 years on Friday on our lunch break, she was taking about her sister's new diet. Then out of the blue comes the comment

"I don't know why she's so obsessed with dieting, she looks fine. She's nowhere near as big as you"

I was so shocked and taken aback that I just sort of nodded along as she continued to speak.
I couldn't believe she had said that, I felt so embarrassed, hurt, humiliated, self conscious, upset...
I'm a size 16, I know I need to lose some weight but I didn't think I was that bad.

Now I feel like this person isn't really my friend?
I suppose because I would never say anything to someone I cared about that might hurt their feelings. It's all I've been able to think about over the weekend, I'm now dreading seeing her at work today, I'm still so embarrassed. I'm not sure if I should tell her how she made me feel.

Is she usually so insensitive?
She should be worried about facing you not the other way
Are you sure she wasn't trying to say "she's not even as big as you (and you're not big)" iyswim

What a cow. Is she one of these types that “says it as it is”? Aka gobshites?

Please don’t let her get to you. Easier said than done I know.

Definitely not a friend, that's a horrible thing to say!!

What a cow. I'd be polite but cool and step back

What a cow. Step back from her.

i think this may just have been one of those things someone says and doesn't mean it the way it came across. I said something recently very similar meaning that the first person didnt need to loose weight as they were smaller than the person who i was talking to, who in my opinion was just perfect, except i didn't say the second bit, i did luckily realise what i'd said when i heard it and was able to explain, our conversation was more about how its great that the first person is so good at going to the gym and it puts us to shame, that it was a good thing for them to do it certainly wasnt at all a reflection on the person i was talkling to

What a nasty, vicious remark to say to someone.

And NO, she is not your friend.

Step way back and tell her if she asks and anyone else that asks.

Extremely rude.
💐

It sounds to me as though she is the insecure weight obsessed one shes clearly very concerned about how much everyone weighs. You should tell your mutual friend the comments she made about you both. You can lick you wounds together and form an alliance

I doubt it was “ nasty & vicious”..... it was definitely a “ foot in mouth” comment but if you know this person and you know her to be nice then why think the worse of her?. It was a gaff and in my friendships I would make a sarcastic / arch comment about it at some point. ( and I’m saying this as a size 16/18 so I know what it feels like from that point of view)

What a bitch! I'm sure she is also someone that's says 'no offence but'. Tell her she's a complete and utter cunt.

Oh gosh, I'd be embarrassed if a friend said that too.

Surely she must have meant it like this though -
Are you sure she wasn't trying to say "she's not even as big as you (and you're not big)" iyswim
And not just randomly insulting you.

I'm a person who commonly puts my foot in mouth, so I can imagine something like this happening to me and cringing over it forever.

Well she's one 'friend' you can cut out of your life.

She’s the one that should be embarrassed. You have nothing to feel bad about. Hold your head high.

She isn’t a friend nor is she a nice person, ditch her.

I would assume she said that not thinking that it might be a sensitive topic for you. If someone said that to me I would just think, yes, that person probably doesn’t need to loose weight, as would a lot of people. It’s quite possible that it might not have clicked that it was an issue for you until it was already out if he’d mouth.

It sounds like foot in mouth. I doubt she meant it like that. I expect she intended it to imply “...and you don’t need to go on a diet” but didn’t actually say it.

I’d raise it with her. Say ‘it really hurt my feelings when you said that. What did you mean by it?’

I wouldn’t cut her out without giving her the opportunity to grovellingly apologise if it was just clumsy phrasing.

Hopefully she has had time to reflect over the weekend, she should apologise regardless.. I would tell her how hurt you are

I Understand why you are hurt however I would tell her how she made you feel and give her a chance to apologise.

Wow - how quick people to cut someone loose. It was a rude and tactless comment but you say she has been a friend for five years. Can you not cut her a bit of slack and say 'that comment you made the other day, about not being nearly as big as me hurt my feelings' at least give her the chance to explain and apologise.

I am bigger than you, overly sensitive about my size and even I don't think it what she said was so bad. If you are prepared to walk away from a friendship over ONE comment (which may actually be true, plenty of people size 12 and 14 dieting to get back to a.size 8 or 10) then maybe you should be asking yourself if you are really her friend. Talk to her about it.

What kind of a friend would say that to another friend.

What sort of woman would say that to another woman, regardless of friendship?

Whether she meant it so coldly or not, this woman is awful. OP, you deserve better friends. Unless this woman profusely apologises after realising her mistake and makes it up to you, step back.

Thanks everyone. I'm really not sure what to make of her comment - the way in which she said it made it feel like it was supposed to be an insult.
I don't know why she would want to hurt me though.

And yes, she isn't one to hold back her opinion.

I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive or not, it's just that it was so upsetting. I'd never want a friend to feel like that.

Had you been talking about dieting with her? Discussing anyone’s weight is never a good idea..but if you have mentioned the need to loose weight to her recently she may of simply been comparing your journey v her sister...if ye friends for 5 years might be a bit harsh to step back from her,,maybe say to her that you found the comment insensitive...and see what she says tell her you are comfortable discussing your weight and she can listen but not advise or comment as it’s a sensitive subject...

Are you sure you heard her correctly? Could she have said "she's not as big as Hugh"... do you know anyone called Hugh clutches at straws

So sorry if she did indeed say it and was being mean. It's awful when you feel knocked down by a 'friend'.

Just talk to her about it, tell her how it made you feel and you'll know then whether she's really your friend.

If she's sorry she upset you, she is a friend and if she isn't sorry she upset you, you can just say "at least I can lose weight, you were obviously born a cunt and will die a cunt too".

Thanks all, we hadn't been talking about weight/diet at all until she started telling me about her sister.

I never said anything to her about it today, she never brought it up either. I'm still feeling crap and embarrassed about it though so was very quiet, not sure if she noticed or not