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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Getting DS to behave in class/care more about his work

5 replies

Thelowquietsea · 19/01/2020 19:37

9 year old DS is being told off by teacher for getting distracted, calling out, not listening etc. He's very bright, and really enjoys some subjects, but basically is not engaging well in the classroom. Cares far more about what others are doing as well as making others laugh. We have to see his teacher.

I don't know what to do to encourage him to behave better. We are going to use a few ADHD techniques, even though I'm not sure if he has anything affecting him - he might be bored, the work is v easy, despite asking for him to get harder stuff. He's pretty fearless, and doesn't care about being naughty.

We are on his case abut all of this, but not much joy yet. He tries, then it goes back to how he was.

It makes me sad to see him rush his homework, untidy writing, no care or thought - when I've seen how wonderfully he can write and what he can say.

I've tried taking things away - screen, for example - but that doesn't seem to incentivise him. We've tried reward, but that doesn't have much impact either, although we'll go back to that, I think.

I hate the idea his potential being unfulfilled, which I know sounds dramatic but it's so frustrating! And disrespectful to the teachers and others.

Any suggestions? I know he's only 9, but he should be starting to know better.

OP posts:
Hoik · 19/01/2020 19:42

Has he always been this way or is a new thing?

If it's new then I'd look at what's changed to bring about this new behaviour - new friends, new teacher, change in expectations, etc.

If he has always been this way then it may be time to look at potential underlying causes, first step would be to ask the school SENCO if he/she could carry out an observation on him in class and see if they pick up on anything that may need further investigation.

Bessica1970 · 19/01/2020 19:45

You sound really supportive of the school and your son, which is great.
What does he really, really care about (football, video games, family games night) whatever he’s passionate about - make him earn it. He only earns screen time after school/ evening if he has had positive feedback from his teachers ( ask them to sign a feedback sheet for each day). No sheet or no positive comment leads to no reward! And follow through - it’s so easy to cave in if they start whining.

In the long run strong, supportive parents are the best asset a child has.
Good luck x

ScoutFinchMockingbird · 19/01/2020 19:53

I get my DS (8) to write out in rough first, or do maths in pencil. If it is wrong (e.g. untidy, bad spelling or punctuation, which I know he knows) or he has made a silly maths mistake by rushing and not reading question properly, I discuss with him what's wrong and then make him redo it. He is slowly learning that it's best to get it as right as possible the first time, as it will mean he gets to enjoy himself sooner (which is usually the reason he rushes and makes mistakes).

Namenic · 19/01/2020 19:54

Maybe he doesn’t realise that he is disrupting other kids in class. I wonder whether you should try to distract him when he is focusing hard on something (eg tv program or computer game) - so he can understand the impact on others?

Thelowquietsea · 19/01/2020 20:05

Some really good suggestions, thanks

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