To think that in a long marriage you sometimes need a good row to trash a few things out !

[Lardlizard]

🤷🏻‍♀️

My parents thrive on rowing. They start the day rowing over what to have for breakfast and finish the day rowing over what to have for supper 😂
They've just celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary and, despite the rowing, absolutely adore each other.
Me and my husband rarely row, it takes too much time and energy that I could better use elsewhere.
That said, we've had some right humdingers in the distant past in the first couple of years of marriage.
Nowadays we just either have a bit of a bicker now and again, usually over something stupid due to tiredness or something.
Married almost 40 years.
God, I'd have got less for murdering him, which at times, I've been sorely tempted ( who hasn't ?? )
If you're reading this husband, which I highly doubt, don't worry, you're safe to go to sleep. 😂

It depends. What if you don’t have anything to row about? 🤷‍♀️

Agree. Don’t think there is anything wrong with shouting either if it isn’t all the time. Being human is what gets couples through long relationships. That and listening with compromise.

DP and I have "words" but we have never had an actual row about anything. We discuss, we talk, we disagree, we respect each others differing opinions, but we don't argue or shout.
I think as long as communication is open, it's all good.

We bicker on occasion but never a full-on row. It depends on your personality types, as others have said.

As long as you both feel you have been heard and as long as you can make up, those are the only real considerations.

I agree; there doesn’t have to be shouting and screaming but I find it helps not hold on to resentments

I agree. My Dh and I dont row. We may have heated discussions if somethings bothering us. I think as long as a couple can disagree constructively, voice concerns and reach an agreement and compromise its really healthy.

Big ol' screaming matches not so much.

Must be a bit boring though to agree with everything your partner says/does though, arguments are healthy otherwise you hold it all in till one day you explode. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yanbu - one of the most successful couples I know have massive rows. Full on swearing and mutual name calling. They say it really helps keep them together.

I think it depends entirely on the relationship and the personalities within that relationship. DH and I very rarely have a full on row, I think it's happened maybe three times in 13 years. We both find rowing viscerally upsetting and I would very gladly live without it. Not saying we never disagree, we do - quite a bit, but we prefer to get that out with open communication and calm discussion rather than having a hash out.

Do I think you need to be honest and be open to hearing things you might not like in order to make a relationship work? Absolutely! Do you need to row to do that? I don't think so. That's what's worked for us so far at least, I guess time will tell if it's a long term thing.

@CakeandCustard28 argument is healthy? Ahahahaha. You are trolling us, surely. In which planet is arguing healthy? That’s in the same category as hitting your child is good discipline?
Also, you confuse not arguing with agreeing on everything. You can agree on the big stuff (like housing, spending, your future) so you don’t argue. But you can both have a different coffee at the cafe To disagree on dinner choices. Not arguing it doesn’t mean you have no personality or your marriage is dead. It’s just means you agree on the big stuff that make a marriage work.
At least, in my extended family.

No, discuss things as they come up and resolve them rather than having a 'row'.

People are different. Couples are different. The ways people argue differ. The ways people don't argue differs. Some people argue in a healthy way, rarely and in a way that clears the air without leaving scars. Others argue in such a way that at least one of them is left hurt. Some people avoid arguing in a healthy way because they have other means of resolving difficulties and because they are not the people who would hold onto resentment anyway. Others avoid arguing but carry on resenting and letting things fester.

We have our best rows on skype.

I manage to express myself a lot better in written form, and it's easier to get my point across in a way that DH can more easily accept.

He's a damned good debater, and manager, and in person I find myself getting more and more wound up, and feeling more and more 'managed', and patronised - which goes nowhere good!

Dp and I have been together 22 years and we've never had a row. I would catagorise a row as raised voices, anger, harsh words etc, what do you mean by row? If there's no raised voices etc how is a row different to a discussion?

@squaky
We row. Had quite a big one over Christmas actually, but feeling loving again now.

We have definitely mellowed with age, but occasionally do still row and it can get loud. We're both quick tempered and still care passionately about what each other says/thinks/does. The opposite of love isn't hate, it is indifference.

But at least nothing ever festers in our relationship, and we are always quick to apologise and make up. The making up is the best part

Been together over 40 years. Have a good old fashioned raised voices row occasionally. We make up pretty quickly and never hold grudges. I’d hate it if we never allowed ourselves to disagree.

We don't row. It's not in either of our natures. We're both pretty laid-back and very similar so very rarely do anything that pisses each other off, but if we do have conflict we tend to talk about it quietly with the shared aim of getting back to our pleasant equilibrium! To be honest I think we're just both too soft and lazy to row, it's just not who we are.

On the other hand my best friend and her husband have absolute humdingers of impassioned, noisy rows and they have an incredibly strong, loving marriage.

I really think it depends on personality type.