How to approach this... surprise 40th birthday.

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

Hi all,

Need some advice. I've arranged a surprise party for my DP's 40th.

When I had my 40th party, I said to people that I wanted their presence, not their presents.

But still ended up getting a ton of kind gifts from at least half the people that came to the party.

About 80% of the gifts were bottles of spirits and bottles of fizz. Which I greatly appreciated and drank over the course of the months that followed.

So as we approach my DP's 40th, I'm wondering if similar will happen again. Thing is, my partner doesn't really drink. He suffers migraines and thinks dehydration is a trigger, he's also allergic to one of the ingredients in beer. He sometime has a G&T on a special occasion and he definitely enjoys a few cocktails on holiday. But that's it. He never drinks at home.

If I say the same as I did for my birthday, people are still likely to buy him drinks as gifts. But I feel like I can't ask people to not bring him alcohol as gifts, as it sounds like I expect them to bring gifts.

Amazing you can drink it all

@MrsBrentford Well there is always that! 😅 But it would feel so sad that people have been kind enough to spend money on him, on something he can't enjoy.

If anyone asks you, just remind them DH doesn’t really drink. If people don’t ask and bring gifts then of course they ought to be accepted gratefully. I’m not sure what else you would even think of doing.

@plunkplunkfizz Of course I'd be grateful and gracious. I just hoped for a way of letting the people who want to buy him a gift know.

Just had a thought, on the FB event I've created for the party. Maybe I could post a reminder type of thing that on the night, not to stack up the drinks at the bar for the birthday boy, as not everyone knows that's he's not much of a drinker.

Is there a cause that is close to his heart? For my 40th I said no presents, but if you feel you must do something please donate to ‘x’ charity that helps people with a disease my best friend had died from, and I set up a just giving page for the charity. Money was raised and I got remarkably few presents - a win-win, as far as I was concerned.

Maybe I could post a reminder type of thing that on the night, not to stack up the drinks at the bar for the birthday boy, as not everyone knows that's he's not much of a drinker.

That’s really smart. I’d do that and hope people take the hint.

@FarTooMuchWashing nothing springs to mind. But that's a great idea. Love it. Will have a think.

At my 40th, the one thing I did ask was that people brought a food bank donation with them, if they felt inclined to. I volunteer for my local food bank and it was an opportunity that I couldn't miss. I ended up with a full shopping trolley of donations. It was amazing.

Is there anywhere he'd like a gift card for?

Some people won't not buy presents, unfortunately. A lot of them are on here.

Ask for no presents and remind them that he doesn't drink.

He might touch lucky and end up with a lifetime supply of socks.

Go with the food bank thing again. Including animal supply donations.

It could be an opportunity to do something for local charities.

This is the way all special occasions should be going.

Presumably you already know that your DP isn't averse to "surprise" anything. My DH knows I'd absolutely hate that sort of stunt, so we don't have the problem!

I'd just be completely candid with the people you're inviting that your DP doesn't drink for health problems, but by all means bring a bottle for themselves if they want. You'll be providing a nice spread, plus soft drinks.

You can't expect people to mind read, and if you don't want to end up with 10 bottles of gin/vodka/wine that you'll have the problem with, people will appreciate your honesty, if they are close people you know well.

@GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery - your food bank idea is awesome!

Sorry - due to health reasons

Maybe I could post a reminder type of thing that on the night, not to stack up the drinks at the bar for the birthday boy, as not everyone knows that's he's not much of a drinker.

Agree you should mention health reasons.

@Ponoka7 one of the guests who came to my party actually asked if I was collecting for the food bank again. I hadn't even thought that far ahead, but I agreed we would.

@daisychain01 Yeah, if I had any inkling he'd not enjoy the surprise, I wouldn't do it. His family are 100% behind it too. :) It's not a huge party, but there'll be food, a well stocked bar for guests, a live band and a beautiful cake being made.

Food banks accept monetary donation too, I think - could you set up a just giving page for that?
What would DH think of that?