Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that women are still treated as second class by a lot of men

21 replies

Sugarcainx · 18/01/2020 22:10

I have seen threads, and also conversations with friends about guys they are seeing, they want to ask the guy if it's official between them or going to be without looking 'psycho' or 'needy'.

Friends have told me that it's better to wait a while before sleeping with a man as 'he will think more of you'.

There are so many stories about men suddenly losing interest after sex, or 'why has he suddenly become distant ?' and the advice is to let him go into his man cave for a while. Things always seem to be in the man's favour or him calling all the shots.

At the school I work in, I have been shouted at and squared upto by 15/16 year old boys I gave sanctions to. I honestly believe they would not behave in that manner to a male teacher.

Walking down the street, I have seen some men staring/leering at me even though they are with their wife or girlfriend. I find it disgusting and disrespectful, I could not imagine most women doing that to men.

I feel like there is still a lot of sexism and double standards, and it's sad. I don't want it to always be this way, but I don't see how things will evolve.

I know obviously this doesn't apply to all men.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sugarcainx · 18/01/2020 22:13

I refuse to let any man intimidate me anymore or exert double standards. I want to teach this to the students at school too.

OP posts:
Getitwright · 18/01/2020 22:17

Crikey me, you don’t exhibit much respect for the male sex. Respect is earned you know, you do have to give it to receive it.

You are relying to much on hearsay, social media, uninformed friends and coming across as way too judgemental. In fact, exhibiting all the things you claim to be sad about.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 18/01/2020 22:21

That would be apart from the stuff that has actually been done to her, right?

Original poster
Sugarcainx · 18/01/2020 22:21

Sadly I don't have much respect for many men, but I have had years of abuse and I struggle to trust now. I know there are a lot of great men out there, but i'm talking about how this seems to be the general attitude.
It's all in the man's favour, we are all told what we have to do as 'men like a challenge' 'make them wait' and other sexist rubbish.
It's often the man who decides when the relationship is official, if he will commit, and so on.
I apologise if I caused offence.

OP posts:
MyuMe · 18/01/2020 22:24

It's often the man who decides when the relationship is official, if he will commit, and so on.

Whilst I agree, women have in a way enabled this.

Why do we let them do that and still have access to living with us and sex with us?

Why can't we say if you can't commit then this isn't what I want and end it, instead of waiting around for him to decide.

thenightsky · 18/01/2020 22:24

YANBU.

Original poster
Sugarcainx · 18/01/2020 22:27

I agree we have enabled it in some way. There's the buzzword 'needy' that if you ask for a relationship then you are 'forcing things' 'full-on' 'desperate' and anything else. I've been called all of those before by men. Luckily, there are still some great ones who will be upfront and clear.
I wish that more people were vocal about what they wanted, ive made that mistake too many times in the past.

OP posts:
DeeZastris · 18/01/2020 22:31

It truly is amazing how many men seem to have a psycho ex.

Getitwright · 18/01/2020 22:32

@Sugarcainx, apologies if my reply was blunt. I had responded before you added your second post regarding being abused. That does of course explain why you might find it hard to trust. I sincerely hope you find happiness, and someone who you can truly share your life with, on equal terms. There are some very nice men out there, hope you find one.

Chocolateandchats · 18/01/2020 22:32

I agree actually and I say that as someone who has a brilliant relationship with all the men close to me. They do seem to have such a massive amount of control over relationships. I can only try to bring up my son to see people for what they are.

Rosehip345 · 18/01/2020 22:42

I think we as women have totally enabled it.

My brothers and my husbands family are hideously sexist. My mum treats my brothers like little lords and it’s hardly surprising how they then think it’s true. Likewise my mother in law is your typical 1950s housewife.

ButterAlwaysMelts · 18/01/2020 22:58

YANBU

Only because I believe your experiences, however they are not the same as mine.

I've never felt disrespected by a man. Ever.

Original poster
Sugarcainx · 18/01/2020 23:06

I'm not just talking about my own experiences, but those of my friends and others I know.
I'm really glad to read that there are others who have never felt disrespected in this manner.
If I have a relationship in the future, I hope things will be different and that it won't be the man who has most of the control. I'd like my friends to change this too but I can't force that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sugarcainx · 18/01/2020 23:08

I will keep challenging attitudes, and I will speak up for what I want. I hope I'll be able to regain my trust and respect for men.

OP posts:
Justneedatemporaryname · 18/01/2020 23:18

I agree, from what I have seen of my friends. I have a zero tolerance attitude towards it and so am not treated like this.

I expect to be equal and so have only had relationships where it is at least 50/50. Usually the man does more housework or childcare because I earn more. I will not hesitate to dump someone if they behave poorly.

Original poster
Sugarcainx · 18/01/2020 23:22

That's great, I wish more were like you.
I've had 2 friends who have recently made big sacrifices (not keeping their maiden name, not having a pet) because their respective husbands didn't want them.
I suppose the pet story is different, but I wish my friend had kept her maiden name if she really wanted to, and not let her husband have all the power in that.
I really hesitate to live with someone again as well, unless it's someone who doesn't expect me to perform certain roles.

OP posts:
eminencegrise · 18/01/2020 23:29

Why can't we say if you can't commit then this isn't what I want and end it, instead of waiting around for him to decide.

That got old once I was 30.

Justneedatemporaryname · 18/01/2020 23:51

At least the maiden name thing is easily fixed. I must admit I changed mine. It's difficult when kids are in the mix. I dislike double barreled names. What do you do?

MyuMe · 19/01/2020 07:57

I've had 2 friends who have recently made big sacrifices (not keeping their maiden name, not having a pet) because their respective husbands didn't want them.

See I don't see those as big sacrifices.

I would never want a pet because I just don't want to deal with all the mess that comes with it and also I work such long hours I'd worry about its quality of life.

That's a decision that you have be on the same page about.

The maiden name she could flatly refuse: what's he going to do about it? Again to me it wouldn't be a huge sacrifice because I'd still be me no matter what name was on my passport.

For me a big sacrifice would be lifestyle changing completely because a man won't pull his weight ( something you see alot of on here) moving away because of his work, giving up something that was life changing because of him.

Not having a pet is neither here nor there and like having a baby you both have to want it and it's not a decision just one of you can make.

Yeahnah2020 · 19/01/2020 08:32

@Myume we can. We don’t need to put up with bullshit behaviour from men. Though funnily enough I distinctly remember a time when my then boyfriend was being an arsehole. I gave him a dressing down and basically told him to shape up or I was gone. I was at a pub and one of his friends (in retaliation) called me a “dusty slut”. I laughed in his face and he was so furious he took a swing at me and was kicked out of the pub. This was 15 years ago but I was deeply affected by how entitled this guy was.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 19/01/2020 08:49

YANBU OP and I'm finding it refreshing that many posters who haven't experienced this are still acknowledging that it absolutely happens. This is rare on MN outside of FWR.

If anyone is in any doubt of how real everyday misogyny is for many, many women here is an eye opening thread. Unfortunately many of the scenarios described are very hard to address with the men concerned and are not at all enabled by the women involved Sad

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3796057-catcalled-and-groped-every-time-I-go-out

New posts on this thread. Refresh page