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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Difference in financial decisions? Is it a big deal?

7 replies

Anyonewannawoo · 18/01/2020 19:07

I’ve been with my partner for two years and I’d say we’re serious.

As we’re in a partnership we help each other out if need be. If one of us is skint we’re both skint. Neither of us will let the other go hungry but we don’t share accounts etc.

Something my mum said the other day is that love/liking the other isn’t always enough in a partnership but general outlook is. We’re both career driven and while we don’t have kids we’ve got similar opinions on how we plan to raise them etc. Same about marriage.

However, my partner has completely different outlook on money. He likes designer clothes, nice cars and generally keeping up with the Jones’s. I’m very much the opposite. If something does the job well I have no interest of upgrading I.e. mobile, car, home etc. Same with what’s the point in first class when economy gets me to the same location at the same time.

My other half lost his job unexpectedly 6 months ago and has struggled since surviving on temp/0 hour contracts but finally got himself a similar role than before. In this time he lost his car, had to borrow money from myself/others (hated having to swallow his pride), and all of his (low wages) and his savings was spent having to pay loans. Once he’s paid back all money owed he’s going to get himself a very fancy lease car. It’s none of my business but it makes me feel sick. Maybe because I grew up during the recession my outlook is very different. If he was a millionaire, sure, get a fancy car as money can’t be taken into the next world.

This isn’t an AIBU for being in his business but more of is it important to have a shared outlook on how to spend money when in a relationship?

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 18/01/2020 19:09

It's very very important. I'm sure I've read before that disagreements about money is one of the leading reasons for relationship breakdown.

user1493413286 · 18/01/2020 19:15

Me and my DH are like you and your DP. It has caused arguments but in general we actually balance each other up; I make him a bit more sensible and only buy things he really wants and he also makes me see that money is there to be enjoyed. As a couple the result is that we have savings for a rainy day but we also have some nice things and treats.

BlueSuffragette · 18/01/2020 19:16

I agree you need a similar outlook or you will resent him. Something you need to sort out before you commit to a mortgage or marriage. Good luck Flowers

AnathemaPulsifer · 18/01/2020 19:26

It would be a dealbreaker for me, but some people wouldn’t be bothered at all. If you’re really upset at the thought of the expensive lease car your ideas about money may be too different for the relationship to work.

1066vegan · 18/01/2020 19:27

Having different outlooks about money is really tricky. I'm like you and would find it difficult to be with someone who's into material things.

I suggest keeping your separate accounts but also open a joint account. Work out a budget so you know how much you usually spend on bills, food etc. Agree what else you think should be paid for jointly. Then both pay some of your wages into this account. Agree in advance whether you pay in equal amounts or whether the ratio paid in reflects any difference in your wages.

That way any money left in your individual accounts is for each of you to spend on whatever you want and shouldn't cause any tension or disapproval.

Angeldust747 · 18/01/2020 19:28

Your DH doesn't seem irresponsible with his money (is paying back anything he has lent now is able etc) so I don't think you're too far apart. Like PP said if he values your input and vice versa you should be able to make things work. Will he agree to saving X amount monthly and then using the rest as he pleases?

Booberella9 · 18/01/2020 19:32

lost his car, had to borrow money from myself/others,... and all of his (low wages) and his savings was spent having to pay loans

So he is already in a load of debt?

Sounds like a great father! Definitely move in together and have kids!

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