Toddler tantrums and dropped naps

[MummyOfASonBun]

So... my boy is 19 months old and he seems to have started the terrible 2s. His tantrums are full on atm; biting, hitting, throwing stuff, throwing himself on the floor, shouting, screaming, stamping, kicking out. Any tips to help?? I do my very best not to shout as that isn't how I want to parent, yes it is very difficult especially when it's continuous tantrums or I'm tired or I have other stuff on in my head, and I hear my voice raising or I get shorter (although I have been told to "be more firm with him, especially at that age" and "make sure he knows you're the boss", AIBU for thinking that's totally uncalled for if I choose not to parent that way??). Also, he seems to of dropped his naps, he's had a grand total of 2 in the past 2 weeks, I don't know if it's me not catching it right or doing it wrong or not enough stimulation, etc etc. Surely it's a bit early for him to be dropping his naps?? A little background that may be relevant, it's just me and my boy, our lives have changed quite a bit recently... a few months ago we fled Domestic Abuse (coercive control and emotional abuse) from his Dad, I still kind of have a long distance thing with his Dad, he has irregular video call contact with him (which I'm pretty sure exasperates the tantrums but I can't be totally sure), yes I have been advised by SS to cut contact and that he won't be having physical contact with him. Please no crappy comments on this matter, I am getting support and it is very difficult.

My DC is a similar age and still needs naps.

Bed at 7, wakes around 7 and 2hr ish nap in the day( around midday)

Is DS sleeping well at night?

As for tantrums- generally ignore, ignore, ignore. Don’t give them what they want if they are mid tantrum or just gives the message that throwing a wobbly gets you what you want. To avoid difficult situations give options. So we can go to the park or the duck pond once we’ve tidied up, which would you like to do?

If you want them to do something consistently, don’t give any ground on it. So if it’s important for him to hold your hand when walking by roads make him do it all the time, don’t let him tantrum and get away with it.

I know you say you don’t want comment on the OH situation, but you do need to be aware if you aren’t already that if they are concerned about contact, then continuing contact will make them concerned you won’t put your DS’s needs first, and that will likely be a fairly unpleasant situation to find yourself in.

I would put litlin in the car and drive him around until he sleeps and if you can’t transfer him, stay in the car until he wakes up. I would do this for each of his naps. Hopefully his mood will improve as he sounds like he may be acting out because of the lack of sleep. Hope it improves x

To be fair I stopped leaving the house and having high expectations for a bit. Every lunch was ruined. Every social interaction was a chance for someone to put the boot in. Have it 4 months and now she's ace. Thy all go through it x

Oh my gosh OP don’t get me started. I have an 18 month old and I actually had a breakdown this morning. This is so hard!

I’m not a strict parent either, she doesn’t respond well to it and it makes her worse. If I get annoyed and say no the situation seems to escalate. Of course I do say no but I just try to approach it in a positive way. The only thing I find that works/ calms her is distraction, staying calm as possible. Empathising with her, lots of cuddles.

And biscuits/ bribing of course. Calpol and Peppa pig on days she is particularly out of sorts with illness or teething. Cups of tea for me and time to relax. Sorry about the difficult situation you are in- glad to hear you are getting some support.

I have an 18 month old and every day seems to be getting worse. Today she had a meltdown because her banana broke in two. She screamed for ten minutes and there was nothing i could do. She is definitely worse without naps and she has needed a lot of sleep today.

sympathizing and verbalising what they're upset about works for us. being kind and soothing, cuddling if wanted until she calms down.

Thank you all for the advice, very helpful, glad, but not glad to hear I'm not alone with this, sorry you guys are battling this too...
He does sleep well through the night most nights, from 7 till 6/7.
How do you communicate the options at that age? I do the 2 visual choices with snacks, clothes etc.
Yes, totally agree with consistency, I do get a little lax with it at times and give in, so I shall keep at the consistency.
It's not that I didn't want comment, I'm all for advice with it as I get very lost with what's best at times, I just didn't want the crappy comments, but I totally agree, I wasn't sure whether I was overthinking it is all, I wanted to be sure that it's the right thing for DS and that it wasn't just me reading too much into it. I have taken a huge step back recently as I've noticed that it's one of the tantrum triggers.
I wish I could drive.
Yes! I keep trying the positive way, although sometimes I'm a bit too positive with it and he just laughs and carrys on anyway! I need to try bribing, as he's not always interested in distraction.
They do like to have a melt down over some rather trivial things, my DS had a tantrum because I tipped the last of my packet of crisps into my mouth, real tears and everything! Being over tired but refusing to nap seems to cause more tantrumming. So the not napping isn't doing him any good.
I get a bit worried with trying to cuddle because he hits out so much and bites atm, but I shall keep trying that too.

I try to distract and if that doesn't work I kneel down and say "I'm here for a hug when you're ready". Or I walk away and say the same if it looks like he'll be a while and I don't want to be kneeling on the floor!! I think strict is not helpful

I love that, he understands ready and we love our hugs so I shall give that a go. No I don't think strict is helpful either, wasn't for me, yes boundaries are needed and knowing the difference between right and wrong kinda thing, but I don't believe you need to be strict and shouty to do that.

Ours would be a nightmare without naps. I'd try more routine if you can to try to get him napping again, and announce the times in an over the top way like "lunch time, milk time, book time, nap time" etc - worked for a friend! Also naps in the buggy if all else fails.

Could he be hungry? Regular filling meals and snacks essential here too. Also distraction from random illogical tantrums like "oh what's that out of the window, I think I saw a digger / cat / nee naw. We've had no luck with being strict - completely ignores us...

With tantrums that my youngest was awful for I did ignore then cuddle. So once she stopped having her tantrum I would get down on her level and say shall we have a cuddle? Once we'd done that she was fine until the next time...
My daughter did drop her nap at 21 months. Sometimes if we went out to the park or soft play in the morning she would nap for an hour but generally not. I did end up moving bedtime forward a bit.

My twins are currently fighting naps and it’s leading to much crankier behaviour all round (and DD has just started getting her second molars and has always struggled with teething so poor sleep at night also 😩).

When they started fighting the nap (one usually from 12-2pm or 1-3pm at a push) I decided to still put them in their cots at this time, even if it wasn’t likely they would sleep, now my toddlers are still quite small for their age and can’t escape their cots just yet but it helps give me headspace if it’s needed and gives my twins some level of calm/downtime.

I’ve also rescheduled our days activities as I realised that DS gets hyper the more stimulated he is and DD would get away with barely moving if she could in the morning (so she doesn’t burn as much energy as she could).

Good luck OP and this too shall pass.

My oldest dropped naps at 6 months- they are all different !
Tantrums: ignore them or (my prefered version) pick them up and put them somewhere safe, ignore until they are ready to be comforted. but never, ever give in.

My two year old has dropped his nap for a while now. Sometimes will have one after nursery. We do some downtime in the afternoons instead now. Draw the curtains, everything quiet, some books and cars in his cot and I go and have a chill on the couch for half an hour. I find it helps his mood too.
Tantrums as everyone else has said gently ignoring probably works best for me. He had a horrendous one in the park yesterday I just put him back in his pram whilst happily humming to myself, probably looked bonkers but I'm so used to it now 🤣

Personally I'd say at 19 months he still needs to nap, and sleep deprivation could be contributing to tantrums. I'd be doing lunch a bit early, say 11:30, and trying for a nap after lunch. Push in the buggy or drive around if you have to. I think at this age 11hrs sleep at night and 1.5-2hrs sleep in the day is suggested. If he won't go off then try every other day. If he really won't then I'd suggest you start putting him to bed at least an hour earlier if not more, to make up the time. For ref my with my ds 2yr7m old, we are just stopping his nap this week because its interfering with his sleep at night, but he's been dropping it naturally by napping every other day, then every 3 days, then down to twice a week for the last 8m or so. Good luck op!

As for the tantrums, definitely ignore if you can! And pick your battles!! For example if he wants to wear his wellies instead of his shoes, does it really matter?! Try to give him some control if you can. Teach him to do things for himself.

My dd is 21 months this month lol and she has refused to take day nap either!

She's a total nightmare tbh. Hitting me, fighting, so whiner.

She will sleep at 6pm wake up 11pm won't go back down till 3am and up for day at 6am. It's all messed up.

I'm hoping it's a phase? Because I'm exhausted.

Most children don't drop their nap until about 3 so I'd work on getting him to nap, it will help his mood. A drive or long walk in the buggy straight after lunch every day.

When mine dropped their naps very young, I used to have a “quiet hour” which involved putting a quiet kids film on, I’d close the blinds so it wasn’t to bright, and give them a blanket so they’d rest for a hour even if they didn’t nap. It really helped with the tiredness. Might be worth a go op.

Thank you all for your replies and tips! He has started napping again, if he doesn't I do the down time with a film or just in bed for a short while as some have suggested. The tantrums have gotten better recently, they don't last as long. Although now they have become more frequent in groups 🤦🏻‍♀️