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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To try and remove my DM from hospital

43 replies

Clappingforjoy · 18/01/2020 14:23

My elderly DM has been losing her cognitive skills, and mobility has been deteriorating for a while with several falls she has also been experiencing hallucinations.
We has a family where not sure if she was developing dementia and was hoping a MRI scan would confirm what it is..fast forward she has had the scan which has shown a slight bleed and a small tumour, her own gp recieved the letter detailing the findings and told us to take her to A and E which is what we did.
She has now been admitted to hospital but this hospital isnt specialised in neurology and so they are liaising with a hospital that is who said that they want her to have another scan then she will see them as a outpatient.
We have read up on the type of tumour she has and it can apparently cause dementia type symptoms so we are no closer to knowing what is exactly causing her decline as one doctor shrugged his shoulders when we asked abt this and it isnt clear on exactly what the plan of care is for her. In the meantime whilst in a unfamiliar environment she is going downhill mentally and in her mobility and I feel we may lose her altogether or she will deteriorate so much that there is no point of return.
They have discovered a urine infection and are treating this and wish to see if this makes a difference but we know as a family that she was showing symptoms when that was clear.
We know the hospital are concerned that she lives on her own despite the fact we are always going in but at least in her own home she knows the surroundings and was still functioning to a extent and loved attending to her pets which gave her joy in life.
We are prepared to accept a care package for when she goes home but in the meantime I want her out of there.
What would you do.

OP posts:
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 18/01/2020 16:12

I would push for her to be discharged to a nursing home, I would also be pushing for Continuing Healthcare Funding to cover the cost, as she has a primary medical need. Adult Social Care should be involved.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 18/01/2020 16:25

If she’s medically for for discharge and the lack of a care package from social,set it’s is all that’s keeping her in, then I would really round as a family to ensure you can provide all of the care that she needs (may need 2 of you for mobility and transfers) and get her out of there.
You may be able to find a private care agency who can assist until statutory services can provide what she needs.
Please don’t underestimate how her needs have changed.
If she’s not medically fit then I think she really ought to stay in but with lots of stimulation, physio for her mobility and a plan in place for her to be discharged as soon as she is well enough.
Hope you get everything sorted and your mum home soon.

Skysblue · 18/01/2020 16:27

I’d get her out of there. But then my elderly relative went into hospital with a minor bone injury and died a couple of weeks later from a superbug he caught on the ward.

diddl · 18/01/2020 18:31

"Myimaginary"

What is the primary health need?

NerrSnerr · 18/01/2020 18:44

Myimaginary
I can't see anywhere in the OP that describes a primary health need. A diagnosis but you can't get CHC on a diagnosis, it's on what needs arise from that. For example, you wouldn't get CHC just because you have a dementia diagnosis but if due to your dementia you need 2-3 carers to do personal care due to aggression putting yourself and others at risk and/ or feeding a meal takes over an hour and needs a trained care due to choking risk you may be eligible.

I agree that adult social care should be involved and depending on needs it may be appropriate to do a CHC checklist but funding is not a given.

Ilovelala · 18/01/2020 19:57

I would not do this

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 18/01/2020 20:11

I thought the OP spoke about a tumour causing dementia-like symptoms? At any rate it's worth going through the checklist to see if the OP's mother meets the criteria.

NerrSnerr · 18/01/2020 20:43

Yes, definitely worth a checklist.

UndertheCedartree · 18/01/2020 20:47

I would get a care package agreed and discharge asap. Elderly people do often go downhill in hospital for a variety of reasons. However I'm sure the hospital will be on your side and want her discharged asap too.

Schuyler · 18/01/2020 21:15

I’d be concerned to remove her with an active UTI which may be treatable at home but equally, may be better monitored in hospital, given her other issues.
It’s the weekend and I doubt much will happen. Why don’t you wait until Monday and then request to speak to her doctor to ascertain the plan. You can find out what you’re waiting for, it may be she’s not medically fit for discharge, it may be that she is but she’s awaiting social care assessment.

Schuyler · 18/01/2020 21:16

It’s worth requesting a CHC checklist. That is what will establish a primary health need, not the diagnosis.

CandyflossKing · 18/01/2020 21:42

I wish we had taken my dad out before it was too late....

NoooorthonerMum · 18/01/2020 22:07

Have you spoken about her going home to her doctors at the hospital? Can you wait until the UTI is clear? Sorry OP it sounds really hard for you all.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 19/01/2020 01:29

FWIW, I would strongly advise getting home carers booked in before seeking discharge. I've very recently struggled to get sufficient carers for a relative, despite being self funding; there's a national shortage of staff. We requested 4 x day, but they could only provide 1x day.

Wingedharpy · 19/01/2020 02:07

IMHO, if your DM is already taking oral antibiotics to treat the UTI, the most likely reason for the hold up is the 2nd scan you mentioned.
She will get this quicker as an in patient rather than an outpatient.
As pp said, little will happen over w'end.

cabbageking · 19/01/2020 02:21

A urinary infection can make a person seem confused and hallucinate too.

I would ask for a social services assessment to get support in place.

SlB09 · 19/01/2020 02:45

Ask to meet with your mums consultant & the sister of the ward and just explain that you don't feel very informed. Get clear information on what the plans are, who is involved e.g social worker, discharge team and the rationale behind the decisions before being hasty. Visiting times do not reflect the actuality of your mums condition and it is very very difficult to care for someone at home who requires alot of care even with carers. The last thing she needs is to bounce back in.

I totally agree that hospital isn't the best place for older people but sometimes it's a necessity and I think that the better informed you and your family are the clearer any decisions will be for you to make.

Bluerussian · 19/01/2020 02:51

If you can afford it and all the family agree, a proper care package at home will be better than hospitalisation at your mother's age. Of course she has to have CT, MRI and any necessary treatment but try and speed that up and get her home.

Not everyone can do that, that is understood because it costs but if it is possible, home care is better than hospital.

Take it from someone who knows! I'm not going to give my story here and now, this is your thread, and I'm fine atm.

I hope your mother receives the correct treatment, care and is at the very least comfortable for a while longer.

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