To do nothing about this social worker

[MummaEss]

Reading several threads recently about social services, this has again been playing on my mind. Several years ago my family went through an incredibly traumatic time. A vile crime was committed which instantly put my household under the spotlight. Obviously and rightly, concern for my children was paramount and as things were highlighted that were admittedly questionable, social services were contacted to carry out assessments.

For context we are a typical, normal, law abiding family. No previous contact with social services. Children healthy, mature and academically successful, fantastic school record/attendance. Also, old enough to clearly articulate and express themselves clearly.

The "first response" social worker involved in the initial assessment was actually every stereotype of a dreadful social worker from days of old. She had obviously made an initial snap judgement before meeting any of us. She made outrageous, ridiculous accusations with ABSOLUTELY NO evidence, she lied on both reports and to my family about me, she repeatedly grossly misquoted my eldest daughter (17), totally reversing things she had said, and when questioned by her about it blamed dyslexia, she basically tried her hardest to create the worst possible scenario for my family.

Fortunately for me I actually do not have any issues around addiction or mental health. My life has never been a chaotic one. My family and extended family are all close and know me well. The outcome for me once we went to court and changed to a regular social worker was all positive.

Here's where I regularly feel terribly guilty. For me it is all a bad memory now, but if I had have been a vulnerable person, with say mental health issues, or a spurious past, or no family support, less able to articulate my position, the actions and words of this social worker could so so easily have resulted in the loss of my children.

Throughout the whole process for me the only wise option was to keep my mouth shut, not protest and just let the facts and evidence speak for itself. However, now it is all in the past for me I cant help but worry for the carnage this lady will undoubtedly be causing for other families, less able to defend themselves.

I am not anti social workers at all. All others I've dealt with have been lovely and professional. It's a hard job and they have to do awful things. This one though was truly something else. Should I do something about it? Put in a complaint? Or just forget it and get on with my life?

I think that putting in a complaint is fair.

Do you have any evidence of the above or is this just your opinion? if nothing to prove she has acted unprofessionally then I would drop it. You have said above they were right to investigate. I would just move on and not retraumatise yourself

We had a similar issue and took legal advice with the complaint. They helped us to put it into writing. The social workers involved were proved to be at fault and dismissed or disciplined.

Several years ago - honestly I would just try to move on. Xx

I would do it. You have nothing to lose. Even if you dont have evidence if there is anything else which has happened or other complaints, it will help to build a picture.

Put in a complaint. A family might be at risk from this person.

This is the thing. I have only the testimony of others, including people who would have no natural bias to myself. As soon as we all began taking a chaperone to the meetings she no longer was interested. It's just hard that I know what she was doing.

I would drop it. Remember- social workers can’t remove children- only a judge can and they have to have very strong evidence.

I am certain that there must be other complaints. She was not even subtle. Do you think I can complain anonymously? Would that undermine my complaint?

This is the thing though... evidence in court can be a social workers report. It's not just hard evidence. I was honestly so worried even though I knew the was nothing wrong.

Well you can- but people complain about social workers all the time. Without evidence it may not be taken that seriously- especially if a complex case where it would be expected that the social worker would take a hard line- for all you know she may say that the other social worker has been negligent and she still has concerns??

It really is hard to say without know the full context.
If it is causing you real anxiety maybe look into counselling for yourself and work it through from there. How would you feel if the complaint was not withheld?

Yes it's hard. I guess I just want the local authority to know so they can be mindful of her decisions. I don't expect her to be sacked really, just held to account more. It doesn't work like that though does it. Thanks all, I appreciate your opinions

She should be having professional supervision and reflective practice sessions with her managers, so if she did act unfairly in your case hopefully it will have been picked up.

OP I could have written this myself. What that social worker put us through has traumatised me and I am in fact having counselling to try and deal with it. I feel it has ruined every aspect of my life. Not a day goes by that I don’t relive what we went through and the things she said to me and my family. And like you it wasn’t until someone else took over that anyone saw the truth. She was absolutely horrendous and treated us appallingly, the things she twisted... I feel nothing but despair for the next family who has the misfortune of having her on their doorstep.

It's just what social workers are like. Nothing you can do about it. Nobody believes it unless it happens to them, and nobody believes people it happens to.

We had a dodgy social who lied and tried to keep us away from our parents when we were kids (lies were easily exposed). She also repeated what a rape victim said to her rapist (different case with a different person).
We got to level three or whatever of the complaints process then was put back to two. They tried to fob us off with £100 gift vouchers for Argos each. It was awful. We really felt like no matter what happened everyone would side with the social worker. In the end we dropped the case because it went on for years. I'd complain about your social worker but I'd say don't expect anything to happen from it

I have had such awful experiences too. One social worker in particular made my life hellish. It’s been so traumatic that even the title of your post caused me to have the stomach turning feeling. I find it’s very difficult to have any complaints upheld because they protect each other and do not admit any wrongdoing. I know that there are some good social workers. But there are some horrendous ones too.

Mummaees I had almost the exact same experience. At a time when I was most vulnerable due to the massive shock, disruption and upheaval I needed support.
She would tut if there was a cup in the sink and tell me I wasnt coping if i couldn't keep the house clean then when it was spotless she'd tell me i was neglecting my dc by cleaning too much. Almost a year i had her breathing down my neck due to what someone else did.
After i did the school run in the morning ide go home and cry feeling for sure that she was going to take them from school due to her lies. The relief when I saw them walking out with the teacher was huge.
I too rode it out kept my mouth shut and let the evidence speak for itself.
The day she signed me off was the first time in a year I slept all night and felt safe.
I made a major complaint but tbh she had gone. I was free. I didnt want any more to do with them.
I just wanted to move on with my life.
I do feel guilty for whoever got her next though.
I saw her not to long ago. I felt a rage bubble up inside me like ide never known before, she wouldn't even look at me. Guilt conscience I think.

A friend was having problems with a lying social worker. I suggest anyone who has found themselves with a social worker, to record and if possible film your meetings with the person. That way you have evidence of what has been said.

I do wonder if we all had this same woman.. Maybe I'm just hoping there's only 1 of them. Its certainly more traumatizing in many ways than the initial crime. I still doubt myself all the time even though I know nothing was true. Thanks for sharing, it helps.

I would send a report in stating the situation. Say that you don't expect any action to be taken due to the delay and/or lack of hard evidence but that, should there be any investigations taking place, now or in the future, you would be more than willing to provide your evidence.

Social worker here - a legacy complaint is always taken very seriously so I would encourage you to make one if you feel it necessary.

I would say to ensure to include in the complaint what outcome you would like from this (it’s helpful for us) so spend some time thinking about that before submitting the complaint.

I am incredibly sorry this happened to your family, it is true that there some people in the profession that shouldn’t be. PP have suggested ‘all social workers are the same’ we aren’t I promise, it’s a emotionally and mentally draining job with lots of obstacles in our way but the majority of us just want to aid our families in the best way we can.

Also please don’t record us (or anyone) without permission first.

I would leave it. Despite mn being very pro social workers I’ve come across some very horrid ones in my time, one who lied about seeing me on days she didn’t , another one who told me that my violent ex who has been sectioned a couple of times should be having contact with my children because it’s “in their best interest” I even explained to her he DIDNT want to see them and she told me I should message him and ask him why, and that it wasn’t about me it was about the children

I had a lying social worker in a different W European country. My freedom of information request to access the file was simply ignored. I would have had to go to court to get any result in a complaint against her, and if her (seemingly reasonable) colleagues had backed her up then I could have found myself in trouble for making a wrongful complaint. So I left it. Your description of impotent rage boiling up is one I can identify with.