To be so pissed off at how disrespected I am in this house?

[Heyjude20]

I have borderline personality disorder. I take medication and doing well apart from when it’s the totm.

I have 3 Dc. Dd 12,ds 10 & dd 3and I’m happily married. My oldest two treat me like shit, especially my oldest. She is rude and nasty and she knows it. My husband never tells her off and she respects him 100%, they have an amazing bond but she knows exactly how to play us off. She will really upset me and Dh just tells me I’m over reacting.

Tonight they have all been arguing from the min they got home. Like a constant noise of them all shouting. Dh moans “when are we going to get a break”.

I shout them downstairs and we have a conversation about how noisy they are being and to stop bloody arguing.

Dd rolls her eyes and asks me if I’v taken my tablets today.

I’m fuming. And upset. I told her how upset I am and how dare she speak to me like this and she has no respect for me. She then says I have no respect for her!

She’s lost her phone.

Dh says nothing. I tell him to say something and he’s like “what do you want me to say”.

Iv taken myself to bed.

I’m so upset.

I had this for a few years. DH was the favourite and could do no wrong. I was disrespected. I made a point of reminding them of the reasons I should be respected. Eventually my husband began to tell them off when they disrespected me and they have mostly grown out of it now.

I am sorry, I hit the wrong button. I meant to say you are not being U at all.
What a rotten evening you are having, it does seem very unfair and your daughter's comments were hurtful.
"What do you want me to say?" is a total utter cop out and that is something that needs to be addressed - completely throwing it all back on you and its not parenting or supporting you in any way. But it means he can't argue when you come up with some suggestions of what you want him to say in that situation.

It's difficult getting your point of view across when everyone is shouting and your DH is just letting it all go, not helping or sorting them out. I would retire to bed at this point and let them all get on with it, particularly him.
I think you need to step back from the shouting and refuse to engage. You can't out shout them and it keeps the emotions running high.

When things are calmer, have a talk with DH. (sitting at a table so he has to make eye contact). Try to make a positive list of how you would like things to be done differently. Number one being that your daughter should not be speaking to you like that. Don't just say tell her not to.. ask him what he thinks of her comments, make him discuss it and really think about it.
I think he wants to be Mr Nice Guy and wants you to do the hard work and be less popular, that is why he's not sorting them out and even putting them to bed.
I thought pps suggestion of taking your daughter out on her own and talking to her was a great idea.
Is there anyone you could talk to in real life who would give you a bit of kind support and proper advice? I think you need a bit of back up from somewhere. Maybe some help with assertiveness techniques. Could you discuss this with your medical advisors?
I hope you get a good rest tonight as that will help too x