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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dd17 is being unreasonable

27 replies

Locopops · 17/01/2020 18:27

Dd17 is the only one out of her group of friends not invited to a party tonight which is unusual for her. She has been very sulky since getting back from school so is clearly upset by it but despite her friends apparently offering to ask the host if she can come she has told them not to. I get that she may be embarrassed to ask but is it not unreasonable to sulk about not going if there is a solution that would allow you to go (very unlikely host would say no)?

OP posts:

Theonewiththecandles · 17/01/2020 18:32

Actually I would probably have felt like her at that age.
Probably feels intentionally excluded, so I imagine she would feel quite uncomfortable for her friends to ask the host if she can come as if the host wanted her there, she would have been invited.
I would let her grump a bit tonight and hopefully she forgets by the morning

CherryPavlova · 17/01/2020 18:36

No I would have told my children not to ask. I’d have given them some special family time if they were miserable- nothing huge but maybe cinema and supper out or a Film and takeaway.

Doggybiccys · 17/01/2020 18:36

She’s probably crushed by this - it’s one of the worst things that can happen to you at that age. Cut her some slack (and I say that a a mother whose teen daughter is the professor of whingeyness from sulksville university). Maybe suggest a girly night with her, movie, face packs etc if she’s up for it? My DD always wanted to regress to a child and watch barnyard with me when shit like this happened.

RandomMess · 17/01/2020 18:37

She's upset and hurting!!

CakeandCustard28 · 17/01/2020 18:37

She’s just being a moody 17 year old. I’m sure most of us were like that at that age. Just have a nice evening with her, watch a film and eat some crap and cheer her up.

pineing · 17/01/2020 18:44

She's not sulking, she's upset. Be kind to her.

NeutralJanet · 17/01/2020 18:48

I'd be upset by that and I'm 38. It's horrible feeling left out and no way would I ask to go to an event I hadn't been invited to, I'd spend the whole time feeling like I shouldn't be there.

saraclara · 17/01/2020 18:51

God, yes. I'd have been really upset. And mortified at the thought of the host being asked to invite me.

C'mon OP. Your daughter has some pride. Wouldn't you in that situation?

74NewStreet · 17/01/2020 18:53

Ah, she’s 17! It must feel really shit, give her a break.

73Sunglasslover · 17/01/2020 18:58

No-one wants a pity invite. It's worse than no invite, so it's not really a solution. She needs some TLC.

GertiMJN · 17/01/2020 18:59

She's upset because the host didn't invite her.

I think your DD is right to refuse that offer. No way would I want someone to beg a reluctant invitation on my behalf.

Be sympathetic and supportive, but not overly dramatic about it.

brushybrushy · 17/01/2020 19:00

Let her have a sulk tonight. She's 17.

Veterinari · 17/01/2020 19:01

There are plenty of threads in here from adult women feeling hurt at being excluded. Your poor 17 year old is probably struggling to navigate this bitchy behaviour. Give her a hug and be nice to her - she'll be hurt and mortified

kitk · 17/01/2020 19:02

I'd be upset too and if you read AIBU there are plenty of women upset for far lesser slights. Try and spoil her instead. One of my favourite nights with my mum at 17 after a boyfriend dumped me involved dinner at home then she took me out for desserts and an (illegal) cocktail. Made me feel way better, great bonding experience and it's still my fav mum memory

Napkintime · 17/01/2020 19:03

The poor girl! Take her out for a pub meal or offer get a takeaway and stick a film on. She must be so upset.

CalmdownJanet · 17/01/2020 19:04

Ah come on, surely you can understand she might feel a bit left out? And nobody wants to have theirs friends ask for an invite in their behalf at any age

user1471449295 · 17/01/2020 19:05

Give her a break

MeetmeinParis · 17/01/2020 19:09

I'd be upset too and I'm way older than 17, I wouldn't want to be invited because someone else had asked, like an after thought. I dont thibk she is BU at all. Be nice to her, poor thing, that's shit.

Original poster

Locopops · 17/01/2020 19:11

Yep you’re all right, I haven’t been sympathetic enough as was wound about something at work. Have taken a step back and can see she’s both hurt and having an intense wave of fomo. There’s a Chinese on the way to this household and I’m crossing my fingers that the party is spectacularly unmemorable (and just shit overall )

OP posts:

helpfulperson · 17/01/2020 19:12

Another one here who would be upset and not want a pity invite. Also a lot older than 17. I would just let her have a mope about it tonight and maybe chat tomorrow about what has happened.

AmelieTaylor · 17/01/2020 19:17

I’m glad you’ve seen the error of you ways & are redeeming yourself!!

Being accused of sulking when actually you’re just justifiably upset is horrible - Especially when it’s your own mother!

I would have felt the same at 17 & 30 years later still would if they were supposedly good friends.

saraclara · 17/01/2020 19:22

Enjoy your Chinese OP, and I hope your DD does too!

Fingers crossed that the party's crap.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 17/01/2020 19:27

And chocolate, OP. You forgot the chocolate.

wildcherries · 17/01/2020 19:30

Pity invites are worse than no invite. Just read your update. I second chocolate.

Original poster

Locopops · 17/01/2020 21:10

You’ll be glad to hear we have moved onto the remaining bits of the Xmas chocolate stash

OP posts:

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