To think this could be a criticism?

[beautifulwhiskers]

I've been good friends with this lady for ten years. Generally she is very careful and respectful of my feelings but sometimes she says things and I can't tell if she's being genuine or sarcastic.

I am a big animal lover and a few weeks ago I was very upset about something I had seen on the internet. I mentioned it to her and started getting upset again and she said 'You're such a lover, aren't you'? It wasn't said in any particular way or tone, just said. I don't know why I would think it was possibly a criticism, really.

What do you think?

TRIGGERS!! PLEASE CAN I ASK YOU not mention anything upsetting about animals as it doesn't take much to trigger me where they are concerned. Many thanks.

...I thought the minimum age limit was 16 to use MN

I think your level of sensitivity is excessive and you should seek some help for it

This happened weeks ago and you’re still stewing about it?

It doesn’t sound critical to me at all. I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

I cannot bear people that watch all this animal abuse crap online and then get "devastated" about it. She's probably winding you up.

She wasn't being critical, she paid you a compliment. However you do come across as very sensitive so this maybe clouding your judgement.

@Tombliwho why can’t you bear it?
Do you mean you think it is disingenuous and attention seeking? Do you think they all secretly go to dog fights, only but caged hen eggs and use L’Oréal cosmetics?

sorry a bit off topic

OP I think you need to move on. She could have meant anything but do you really care?

Generally she pussyfoots around you and you still find something to be offended about? You sound like hard work.

Are you generally a very sensitive person? Your first paragraph would suggest so but thought I'd check.

I don't think she was criticising.

Omg! Are you my sister? She gets personally offended by anything she perceived as animal abuse and gets offended if anyone looks at her sideways. It's exhausting!

It sounds like she is nice and careful of your sensitivity so don’t look to find fault with her. Maybe she didn’t want you describe it to her - who can bear cruelty to animals?? - so cut you off. That’s fair enough. Care of feelings runs both ways.

I was with you until you said this.

TRIGGERS!! PLEASE CAN I ASK YOU not mention anything upsetting about animals as it doesn't take much to trigger me where they are concerned

I'm an animal lover but this is way too sensitive for a normal person. How about you put your energy into doing something about animal abuse rather than being offended by it

Tombliwho I NEVER EVER go looking for this sort thing, I cannot bear it, as stated. It was a video that cropped up in the ads while I was waiting for the main one to start. Once I see an image or hear something it stays with me and haunts me forever so I cannot risk it.

WombatStew I do. I help out every weekend at a cat rescue centre.

Blimey. You are ridiculously sensitive. You need to learn to manage that better. At worst, your friend might be saying it in a slightly loving yet exasperated way but it worries me that after 10 years of friendship you can't tell tone and are stewing over such a insignificant thing.

Also, if you talk about animal abuse and how much it upsets you often, it's possible she's bored and tired of the conversation.

Also, if you talk about animal abuse and how much it upsets you often, it's possible she's bored and tired of the conversation

I really don't.

I'm not sue about your friend, but I'm inclined to think she was trying to tell you to toughen up a bit.

I think you need to consciously avoid the kind of videos and stories that upset you. As I do, because I find animal cruelty similarly devastating.

Instead perhaps look at the kind of pet rescue YouTube stories were all ends well. Heart For Paws and the like.

And continue what you can with your cat rescue and donate to animal charities.

Why do you look at stuff to upset yourself?

I avoid news I don't want to read or be unsettled by.

Looking at it, getting upset, then talking about, then complaining people are not sympathetic to the fact you purposefully upset yourself... that is behavior people will tire of.

Try looking at the fun rescue stories. Big Cat Rescue have loads of fun stuff on YouTube.

why do you look at things that upset you

I don't! NEVER. But if you're on the internet, these things pop up randomly everywhere.

I think you need to consciously avoid the kind of videos and stories that upset you. As I do, because I find animal cruelty similarly devastating

I do.

Even on the TV, certain channels suddenly start playing ads about animals, usually charities. I cannot help being sensitive. I wish I wasn't. I look at lots of fun stuff to do with animals.

But in looking at 'happy' animal related items online, the algorithms or whatever they are then look for further animal related items and they are not not always happy.

I do agree some things randomly pop up on Facebook etc it's hard to avoid , however bringing it up and getting upset over it again...after the first time is you doing it to yourself. You are manufacturing an instance to either be distraught for some unknown reason , attention seeking (fine but own it for what it is ) or virtue signal. None of which paints you in a great light.

I'd be grateful shes still your friend frankly.

None of which paints you in a great light

I don't need to be painted in a great light. Nor am I virtue signalling. I do realise I am over-sensitive. If someone can genuinely tell me how to change this and 'toughen up' I would be interested to know. It would make my life a lot easier.

You need to tell us why you're so sensitive about things and if you're sensitive about everything or just certain things before we can give you any useful advice.

Alternatively you should speak to a therapist who's actually qualified to do so.

You realise you just took offence to a line in a post that really wasn't harsh? By coming back with a defensive "I dont need to be painted in a great light " when you have posted for opinions on a public forum...you see the disenguinity there right?

I am a bit sympathetic, in my early twenties I was over sensitive, it didn't help my life and to be honest I was a pain to be around. You wont like this given previous response but in all honesty what changed me was realising that quite simply the world didn't revolve around me. People weren't saying things to upset me , they were more concerned about themselves. I realised me being upset didn't change the things I was upset about , it just made things harder for me. Wailing and gnashing my teeth achieved nothing but people considering me a bit naive and silly.

If I dont like something I either try to change it or I consider what else practical I can do. The histrionics are just wasted pointless effort. You asked how to change it and that's how I did, by looking at what I was achieving other than attention. Might not work for you but you asked.