Aibu to think actually no it's not hard

[Imfinallyhappy1]

Dh has been away a lot recently. We have dd autistic and ds Tourette's. I'm knackered. He comes home and he states he's tired but will help in an 'I'm a martyr' way.

I work full time and do everything for the kids. Aibu to think actually spending days alone in 5 star hotels having dinner and networking with adults isn't bloody hard!

I've said this weekend he's to do kids activities and I need me time. He's said "fine I'll take them away" wtf I don't want them taken away. I just need him to do stuff without me nagging fml

Just take him at his word and let him take them away!! Of course looking after two children with special needs is harder work than what he's been doing - I used to do that type of job (back in the good old days) and whilst it does have its own stresses, I know which I'd prefer to be doing.

You go away for a 5* pampering break yourself and leave him to do everything else.

Book yourself into a swish hotel and turn your phone off.

So you both work full-time and he travels a lot and when he does you do all childcare as well as working.

But he thinks he has had a harder time because he travelled? Seriously?

Dh and I both travelled a bit when the kids were small. It was generally accepted that the one at home managing everything had FAR the harder part of that deal.

I'd also let him take them away. See how he copes.

He knows I'm busy but calls non stop. Like swimming lessons with two kids is bad enough. Dd is having a full meltdown and my phone won't stop. Then he's all are you ok blah blah. Fuck off im busy. Sorry I'm a bit ranty

Let him take them.

Being away is much, much easier than solo parenting in my experience.

My dh works away half the month. I also work ft, but flexibly. When he's here I get all the lie ins at weekend, he does the running around taking dc to clubs etc, because when he's away for 2 weeks (including 1 sometimes 2 weekends) we know who will be doing it all. He will also does extra housework (deep cleans) and makes sure when he leaves the washing baskets empty 😃. I don't ask him to do this he just does it. That's only fair imo. Your dh needs to pull his weight and not make you feel like you're asking the world!

Absolutely let him take them away for the weekend. Sounds like a wonderful way for him to have a small bit of insight into what life is like for you most of the time.

He sounds very annoying. Outside of working hours the children are both your equal responsibility. Who cares if he's tired? We're all tired. That's what being a parent to young children is.

Haha.
We went out with dh boss and she said how dh said he's been tired as dd having a sleep regression.
I took great delight in telling her that yes the going to bed has been a mare for both of us but once he's asleep that's it until his alarm goes off. He hears nothing.. I'm up 10+ times a night at 39w pregnant.
She said she'll keep quiet and next time he says it she gonna clip him round the ear lol

Very kind of him to offer to help! No you are not being unreasonable, that would make me

He's just said he will taken the to the park and a walk and when I said can you do Sunday swimming he said yes. I know if I don't tell him he will just let them have iPads all day while he watch sports or game. To be honest we've been married 10 years and I'm tired. I've had countless chats about pulling weight and a few months ago I nearly asked him to leave. I love him but he's hopeless. He says he never remembers, doesn't think. It's getting fucking old

@mummyshark. I'm jealous. I wish mine did that. He tries but mostly does a half job or I have to redo it. He says I have high standards but basic common sense isn't high standards

You should go away if you can. I bet he's just going to go straight to a female relative for help. Go away and turn your phone off.

He does remember, he just doesn't want to do it, which is very sad.

If you want his behaviour to change, you must change yours too.
Otherwise, he'll continue to act like this for years to come.

@hollow. No female relative to help. His sister would tell him to bugger off and mil doesn't do kids. I know it's my fault for always forgiving his ways. Before I had had enough it was because I love him and accept his flaws. Now I'm older it's just fucking annoying and I can't be doing with it. I love him but he's not endearing anymore.

You should definitely go away BUT take their iPads with you for their own mini break. His turn to parent should not involve bunking off swimming etc and letting them turn into zombies for the weekend.

Agree. It drives me mental. Why after 20 years do I need to remind him to take them outside. Homework? Talk to them? Ds won't stop talking especially with Tourette's. I could do with a break but no bloody money. My parents have my nieces living with them so would be just as bad. I'm hiding in the bedroom and not doing anything. I've just messaged him asking the plan for the weekend. We have shit loads to do at home. But he said no idea I'll have a think. I could list 100 things that need doing

I've messaged again

You definitely need to go away for a break and leave him with the kids. My H is away for 2 weeks with work and I'm getting the martyr exhaustion thing as well. So frustrating.

He's online but not reading my messages. I am so tired. I love him but I'm not happy anymore