To complain / report behaviour issues to LEA?

[FusionChefGeoff]

My DS (7) appears to be one of many on / off targets for a girl in his class who seems to have some kind of behaviour / developmental issues.

I've never met her (currently taking quite a deliberate approach to avoid her and her mum where possible) and the teacher hasn't said a lot as I get the impression she can't. However, she's mentioned the word educational psychologist and a certain pathway that they are on to investigate the behaviour.

Basically this girl seems to have no control over her anger and lashes out at those around her if the smallest thing sets her off. Sort of like an 18 month / 2 year old toddler but she's a big 8 year old. She has rotating targets (according to the teacher) and the behaviour seems to go in cycles.
Every time I'm getting ready to bring out the big guns, it tails off and I think oh no need to make a fuss it's gone away.

We've been up to school a few times and they've explained the many many times she's been removed from class, missed break times, her parents have come in, serious telling off from Headteacher.

Previous incidents include but not limited to spitting on DS, kicking him, stamping on hands and feet (a particular favourite it seems) and once running across the hall to body check him during PE.

Today, she reacted in PE when DS took her cone (the objective of the game) and she hit him on his arm with a tennis racket and kicked him in the shins. She was then led away by the teacher but she pulled away and ran back to DS and stamped on his foot. She was immediately led away again and kept out of class all day and parents called.

Teacher was very apologetic and they seem to be consistently applying the behaviour policy / sanctions but none of them are making any difference.

What next?? AIBU to consider reporting / informing the LEA to try to get whatever 'behaviour investigations' are happening fast tracked??!?

You informing the LEA won’t get it fast tracked. You’re kidding yourself on that one, these things take time. She does however sound like she’s in the wrong school.

I don't see what telling the LEA is going to do, the responsibility lies with the school first and you need to exhaust that pathway before you move on. How far have your pursued things to date?

I would be asking for a meeting with, probably, head of behaviour or head of year, possibly head of school if it's a small school, and asking them what they are doing to safeguard your son. Go armed with a list every incident that has happened in the past and point out that their current tactics are insufficient. Do not back off if she just seems to be targetting other children for a while. If the violence continues in the class that is still harmful to your DS and is an indication that their safeguarding is not working. If they try and fob it off as a one off or as them being able to protect your son without them actually handling her behaviour better it may be worth talking with parents of other children she's harmed and going in as a group.

It's probably a really horrendous situation for the teacher, the girl and her parents too, so the more pressure you can put on them to channel more resources to the situation, the better off everyone in her class is likely to be.

Also, start looking at other schools in case you find they are just not willing to keep your child safe. There's only so long you can expect your DS to keep going into a classroom where he gets assaulted. It must be a bit miserable to be in that class if it's fairly constant.

It sounds like an awful situation for everyone involved - the child who is clearly in the wrong environment, the staff trying to meet her needs with no clear lead in exactly what those needs are, the children paying for her frustrations, and the parents of the girl and the other children who are having to watch it all play out.

Definitely push it with the head. Keep it specific to your DS as they can't discuss other children, they should not have even told you that ed psych are involved with the other child or that she is on any sort of pathway as that's private information. Ask what they're going to do to safeguard your DS.

Thanks for advice - I will ask for a more formal meeting with the Headteacher then. I wasn't sure what the next level of escalation should be.

I absolutely have huge sympathy for the teacher, the other pupils and to some extent for the girl and her family. It can't feel very nice to be that angry the whole time. The teacher said how lovely the rest of the day was (this kicked off in first lesson) and how calm the classroom was

I am trying to avoid chatting to other parents if I can as I don't want to whip everyone else up and I think there are a few parents of her other victims who might not be as measured as I am trying to be. I don't want to contribute to a load of gossip about an essentially troubled / non neuro typical little girl. She only started this year (which obviously makes me wonder if she was 'managed moved' from her previous school??) and her mum is not one to chat etc and I'd be worried about further isolating her if she feels everyone is bad mouthing her DD in the playground.

I am trying to avoid chatting to other parents if I can as I don't want to whip everyone else up

A frenzy is definitely unhelpful. But if the school won't safeguard the other children in the class after you've tried to escalate on your own, power in numbers ay be all you have left. Much better to try and go with more reasonable parents than ones who will kick off, though, if you know them well enough to make that call.

I've never met her (currently taking quite a deliberate approach to avoid her and her mum where possible)

How would you feel about taking a completely different approach and befriending her mum in the hope that your children become friends? (Less likely to hurt her friends? Less likely to lash out if she has friends?)

Getting together a group of other parents will only make the situation more tense and will likely lead to the very frenzy you want to avoid.

Speak to the head and follow it up in writing. If nothing changes then make a written complaint to the governors.

My son would never trust me again if my response to this was to try to make him be friends with her I'm afraid!! We've told him that we've absolutely got his back on this and it would look like a horrible backtrack to then start encouraging friendship when we've spent the last 3 months telling him to stay away from her .

Right, email to headteacher now!

Why not befriend the mum? What that girl needs is support from the school. If she’s prone to violence she needs a 1:1 talking from personal experience. Please bring this up with the head when you talk to them.
Feel sorry for her, it’s not her fault she’s not getting the support she clearly needs.

Honestly the only thing you can do is move schools.

If you were being bullied like that at work you’d move jobs....

School are doing everything they can for this girl. It’s very unlikely to be resolved soon. She might get a 1:1 but as today’s incident shows that won’t stop her.

She’s only going to get bigger and stronger.

Of course she might move. But it’s a big gamble waiting for that to happen.

Feel sorry for her, it’s not her fault she’s not getting the support she clearly needs.
This. Teaching your son about differences and compassion is surely a better message than ‘never backtrack’?

Follow the policy.

Many school are now outside the LEA responsibilities and often they have no power to overturn school decisions.

If they do have power and you have not followed the procedure they must refer it back to school and allow them solve it.

They can not usurp the complaints policy procedures.

He was violently attacked today with an object!

We have explained to him that she sees the world differently and how horrible it must be to be that angry the whole time. But at the end of the day, I'm not going to ignore the sustained physical assault and preach on the wonder of difference. Even bleeding heart liberals have a limit and today she made me reach mine I'm afraid.

My son needs to know we will protect him - that I will do everything I can to keep him safe.

So I will keep pushing forward with the school to find a solution.

We've already moved DS school once due to a house move so I'd really like to avoid that if we can.

Ask for a meeting with the head. Tell them about your concerns but be calm and rational and let them know that you understand that it’s a really difficult situation. The head will appreciate the fact that you’re seeing the whole picture, and not going in all guns blazing. You are 100% right not to engage with other parents. It’s awful when parents all start to whip each other up and it can easily turn into a witch hunt. I hope things improve for your DS.

Teaching your son about differences and compassion is surely a better message than ‘never backtrack’? 'we will never backtrack on supporting you'.

FTFY. You seemed to have misunderstood what OP said.

Of course OP should not force her son to spend time with his bully. You can teach compassion without teaching victimhood. Bonkers to blame OP for not putting the bully first when her son has been assaulted.

Forget about the other child for a moment. It’s sad and very tricky but not your responsibility. The responsibility you do have is to, at a minimum, protect your child from physical harm. If he’s regularly getting hit at school then you need to find him a new school. If you live in some remote outpost where there is only one school then make a fuss with the head all the time until the violent kid is no longer around your son.

Teaching your son about differences and compassion is surely a better message than ‘never backtrack’?

You think you can teach empathy and compassion by betraying your child’s need for protection from people who assault them?

You do whatever you need to protect your little boy, you don't send him off to school to be assaulted. Speak to the HM about your concerns first, they are obviously aware of the situation. That little girl is in the wrong school and needs help and support too but your little boy is your priority and her needs shouldn't come before your son and others. They are both equally important and all need protecting. It's so upsetting and sad for everyone and especially frightening for the children, it can shape the way a child views school and cause problems for them later on.