Young adults.

[XingMing]

DH and I were old parents; our parents were WW2 babies and children, so we grew up with a make do and mend life: don't buy anything, fix what you've got. We also went to boarding schools fairly young, and have survived it. It seems to us, talking earlier today, that our DS and his GF are much much younger for their age (20), and less competent than we were at the same age. Is this a good or bad thing?

Everyone is much younger than they used to be culturally. Look around. You now see 50 60 year olds wearing jeans, wearing AirPods and sitting around in cafes working on computers or playing on phones. It’s mostly older people driving sports cars around as well. It’s no surprise the younger generations have become more infantilised as well

Young adults are treated like children even at age 18 and above .
They often don’t know how to do anything practically as they’ve never had to - parents either did it all for them or paid for someone else to do it.
They may go to uni and not know how to change a plug or cook a decent dinner .
It’s sad to see but it’s the new generation . At least they are good with technology though !

busybarbara, I get all that, and am similar. It's more about their fear of making decisions, in case they get it wrong. I seem to remember making decisions on the fly and living with the consequences, relatively relaxedly.

It's not about technology or fashion. At 22, we had real responsibilities, for running local/small businesses, with the freedom to hire (and fire) people. We were trusted to make sensible business decisons and by and large, we did okay. A friend of DS is stressing, big time, about going to university. WIth a string of A* A levels, and unconditional offers with scholarships at RG unis. Yet, the person is terrified of making any decision. I don't really understand why and I suppose that's why I'm asking these questions.

Agree 18 was an adult not so long ago but we seem to treat 18 yrs old as still a child. My colleague has a 20yr old girl who seems like a 12 yr old. Her mum makes her doctors/dentist appointments, chooses her holidays for her and will go as a third wheel. Applies for jobs for her, sorts bank/phone contract queries etc. At 20 I was living at home but saving for a house deposit desperately trying to be as independent as a could whilst living with my parents

I think in some ways children/young people are much more grown up (confident, able to be friendly with their parent's friends and to debate/argue etc) and in other ways they are infantilised. Less independent to eg travel, don't tend to have part time jobs growing up, have less practical skills, prevalence of helicopter parents, pick up the phone at the drop of a hat if there's a problem to ask parents advice, information on tap, less culture of waiting for things etc. Generalising massively!

Whether it's good or bad I think it's mostly on a case by case basis.

I reckon its a very bad thing. I see people my age (28) actually asking their mothers to make drs appointments for them and people asking other people to phone places for them etc.

Just look on here to see why. People claiming your not an adult until your mid 20s. Claiming 19 year olds are still mentally children etc. Its all bollocks. Infantalising adults every step of the way.

I dont know. I'm 40ish and I was very much a child at 18. I did have a mum that did a lot for me but like the example you gave, I was an academic all rounder, got As in everything and found it very very difficult to narrow my choice as I wasnt sure what I was best at or what interested me the most. I imagine it's a fair bit harder now as jobs are a lot harder to get and university is much more wxpenaive, so you really have to try and think forward as to what will most likely give you the best career at the end of it, and that's hard when you've been in education all your life

I came on to say I agree OP but I have to say I can actually really understand why they’d be petrified about making a university decision. Teenagers seem to have it drilled into them by sixth forms, parents, peers etc that their choice of uni and degree subject is the most important decision of their life. I can completely understand why that seems huge to young people of today. When I was young, it didn’t seem huge because I only knew about two people going to uni anyway so probably thought ‘well if I make the wrong decision or it doesn’t work out I’ll just leave and get a job.’ That’s not the mindset at all of young people today and I don’t think that’s entirely their doing

I was married at 22 with a mortgage, it was only 14 years ago but seems like a massive difference when I look at my friends 22 yr olds who are still at home, with part time or no jobs and being cared for as if they are 12 by their parents.

I don't think it's a good thing, I think it creates adults who are unable to function and deal with difficult decisions and real adult life.

I was quite young too though certainly had more get up and go than ds has, wrote handwritten letters to shops and found myself a Saturday job. But whether that was upbringing, the time, or just me, I am not sure.

I am a bit of a helicopter parent, more or less got ds his part-time job, but I also got my husband his job, and he's never left it, he's worked there 23 years. So maybe I am a helicopter wife (girlfriend at the time) too!

When you think about the past the term teenager didnt exist until the 1950s. You went from child to older child to young adult to adult. Each step gave you more responsibilities

Thanks to all who have commented. I appreciate your views but would like some more. My concern is that if this person doesn't take a place at university, the career prospects locally are bleak.

I agree with @pleasenomorechocolates - the university decision is talked up so much that I can see why teenagers are paralysed with indecision. I went to university in 2004 & it seemed completely different then.

I’m 29, and I moved out of my parents’ house at 21 having never done a load of laundry. Genuinely didn’t know how to work the washing machine and had to be shown by my flatmate.

I also remember asking a random older man in Morrisons to help me buy the correct light bulbs I once phoned my granny to ask how long I had to boil potatoes for! I had no idea how much I didn’t know until I moved out.

I’m obviously not proud of that and now I’m very, very self-sufficient. If I have kids I won’t be babying them the way my parents did me.

I totally agree, the young ones seem to be quite sheltered and looked after until they are around 30, but I'm not sure if it's a good or bad idea.

We had a family business, small steel works, when I was about 23 the family bought the business next door, partly to expand into, they all buggered off to work in the new business (haulage Company) as it was cleaner, totally left me to run the steel bit. Stressful yes, but I did it.

A lot of the 22/23 year olds I work with seem like children to me. Had two kids and a mortgage at that age!

But I moved out at 17, and had a baby at 19. Most of the people in their early 20s I work with still live with their parents. My boss was Bly moved out of her parents house last year and she is the same age as me (34).

I think people are living at home longer and are perhaps treated like children still, rather than having to grow up and deal with life.

Neah, I'm not sharing the "wring hands at younger gen" fest. Enjoy it if you insist. I think it's a good thing I didn't marry when I was 17 to a guy who turned out to be a cheater (but that was the only way to have sex & save your reputation in 1921). I'm glad not to be a mother of 2 by my 21st birthday (which my mother & grandmothers all did). I'm glad not have my leg half blown off in an armoured car when I was 20yo (like uncle did). Some of that growing up fast was awful.

DS has been financially independent since he was 17. Is now 20yo & saving to buy a house. He didn't go to Uni & has a pretty good career plan.

I know people who bought first homes at age 22 in last 10-12 yrs (who didn't go to Uni). That's growing up fast enough.

I love the younger generations compassion for each other and the planet. There seemed to be a lot more intolerance when I was young. You only need to look at the TV shows to see this.
As a generation we had it easy. We bought a 4 bed detached house for £60k which was about twice our yearly income. Cant imagine many young adults getting deals like that.

There does seem to be a lot of pressure on young people to make decisions which now have much bigger consequences than when I was at the same age.

At 16 going on to study A levels, there is a lot of pressure to choose the 'right' courses so that the student goes to the 'right' university. Get it wrong and students are left with no doubt that they will be left with a mountain of debt.

Dont want to do A levels? Then the student has to choose a vocational course on the basis of minimal information about future careers/jobs. Get it wrong and they are left with a useless qualification and a sense of having missed the boat.

I agree that the cost of university forces caution and that life choices and expectations are better now than they have ever been -- for most of us. It was an observation that adolescence is now a very long stage of life, and that some young people are wracked with terror at the idea of decision-making. No judgement was seriously intended, not least because I am seeing the process at first-hand. DH was thinking aloud.

I think there's more freedom in the 'order' you do things now, which I think is a good thing - I'm 32, got married at 26, had DS at 28 (so far so 'grown up') but then I went back to uni at 29 and we still haven't bought anywhere because we weren't sure where we wanted to 'settle'.

My parents were WW2 children/babies too :) My kids are pretty young though, only 3 and 6 and I'm in my thirties so I suspect I have a different view on it to you.

Yes, young adults are different today, but that's because times are different. Different things are important, different things are prioritised. People have more time now to be protective (to a fault) and children have more time now to be children for good and for bad. I don't think it's a singularly negative thing personally. Guaranteed our grandparents had the same discussions about us ;)

In a lot of cases if young adults aren’t competent in basic things (money management, cooking, household chores) it’s not completely their fault but their parents. I’m 26 and I agree that some of my generation are fairly useless but it’s partly because times are harder and partly because their parents babied them.

If you never bother teaching your kids how to be a competent adult how to do you actually expect them to be? And re things like having a part time job - I had one but I was lucky. Lots of my friends looked desperately when we were teens but it’s not as easy as it once was. Houses are more expensive, travel is more expensive, all while wages are stagnating and good jobs are getting more competitive.

It bloody annoys me when my generation are called useless snowflakes. Why not point the finger at those who raised us

I think it's a harder world these days with social media.