To think that if you were that wealthy you would secure your children's future?

[PhoenixY1]

SIL is 48, me and DH are in our early 30s. DH and SIL don’t have the same father, MIL remarried when SIL was a teenager, her father (MILs ex DH) was apparently very wealthy, they lived in a mansion and went on loads of holidays, her father owned a few businesses. I’ve never met her father though, SIL works in a bagel shop and lives in a council house. She acts like she’s rich and is always talking about how she’s going on holiday next month, brags that her father still pays her bills and she’s in a lot of debt which she says her father helps her pay. One time she came round MIL and I made lamb curry, she went home and told MIL the next day that she’s been sick and she thinks it’s my lamb curry because it was ‘cheap meat’ .

She’s always talking about how cheap this and that is, she’s not going to eat in that restaurant etc and how she’s used to ‘nice things’. Always looking down on others.

I feel sorry for her because she’s pushing 50, never bought her own house, works in a bagel shop and lives in a council and lives beyond her means. But she talks and behaves as if she was a billionaire.

Her father is now 73 and ill and probably won’t be around much longer, I’ve always been a bit dubious about how wealthy her father is.

AIBU to think if you were that rich your children would have gone to private school and you would secure their future by helping them get on the property ladder and let them take on all these ‘businesses ‘ you have?

Maybe she knows you look down on her for being such an abject failure (imagine only living in a council house and working in a bagel shop) so feels the need to big herself up?

there are far more important things in life to worry about. move on form this. she sounds like a PITA anyway

If she hasn't got children or a pension, the best place to live is in council property. She has a home for life, even if she gets rehomed, as such.

Have you become a smug married?

I'm in my 50's and happily single. Us older single women don't need your pity and we aren't all ambitious.

Is she fat as well? Are you about to drip feed?

I've known people with money who've done nothing for their children but they've inherited well.

It might have been that he was ploughing the profits back into the business when she was growing up.

There's nothing wrong with the way she lives but if she's clearly bragging about her wealth when she doesn't have it then I would point that out.

If she turns her nose up at something like the meat again ask her if she's going to be buying the premium one next time.

She sounds like a pain in the arse, you sound judgy and clearly look down on her. To answer your question no I don't think parents should ensure their grown up children are comfortable.

YABVU. Plenty of rich people choose not to educate their children privately for a whole host of very good reasons.

And just throwing money and opportunities at kids spoils them as they don't learn the value of money or the need to work hard. As you've seen, this woman hasn't done well, and apparently her DF has given her loads of money - thereby rather proving your point wrong, I think.

Private school isn't some magic button you can press to get a successful adult. Anyone who thinks it is, is a fool.

In principal I agree - if you have means, you have a responsibility to educate and provide for your children to the best of your ability.

HOWEVER you do not know the full story, or if you do, you haven't told us here.

She may well have been offered all of this and more, and showed herself to be incapable of maintaining it. She doesn't sound like the sharpest knife in the drawer from how you describe her attitude to money, living above her means, bragging and bitching about your hospitality. It could well be that she has been offered and then pissed away her opportunities.

Of course it could also well be that her father has always refused to give her anything - or he has been a Disney dad, giving her small, seemingly extravagant amounts (a fancy meal out) but refusing her anything meaningful - private education, a start on the property ladder, an introduction to his business world.

She does sound like she is concealing a lot though.

She is in a lot of debt that her father "helps" her pay - he hasn't paid it off though, which he would if he was swimming in money as she suggests.

If he pays her bills, she wouldn't be in debt in the first place, so obv. he doesn't.

She won't eat in such-and-such a restaurant because she only eats in "nice places" but do you actually see her in said "nice places"? Sounds more like she is making an excuse not to pay for a meal in a "normal" restaurant, because she can't.

A lot of might well be fantasy.

I know a man who didn't work, lived in a bedsit off benefits waiting for his rich Aunt to die as he would inherit her wealth. Maybe it is the same for your SIL?

Sounds like she's obsessed with money probably to compensate for something else lacking in her life. I'd try to ignore her.

She is in a lot of debt that her father "helps" her pay - he hasn't paid it off though, which he would if he was swimming in money as she suggests Maybe he’s not prepared to pay it off in one go as she can’t be trusted not to do it again! Maybe he helps her keep on top of the monthly repayments/ wouldn’t let the bailiffs arrive but won’t do a lump sum. Maybe his trying to make her take some responsibility

If he pays her bills, she wouldn't be in debt in the first place, so obv. he doesn't Well daddy probably pays bills (I.e rent, council tax) what daddy doesn’t pay for it all the crap she buys as that isn’t a bill.

God she would do my head in walking round like the queen when in reality she works in a bagel shop 😂

YABU. My children are not an extension of me. They have very nice college saving plans and that’s it. If they want on the property ladder they best be doing something about it. Also why on earth would anyone trust somebody with absolutely no business background to run their business. It’s not her father’s place to give her a company or a job. If she wants one then she needs to build one

Why do you care?

She's living in a fantasy world. Probably jealous of you and DH. Is there any evidence that her dad still has money? Houses, business,lifestyle. ?

“ Imagine living in a council house and working in a shop”

Oh the horror!

My parents are millionaires and they certainly haven't offered to buy me a house. Don't expect them to either, their financial responsibility for me ended when I became an adult. I personally would buy DD a house in a heartbeat if I could afford to, as I would never want to watch my child struggle, but everyone is different. I imagine SIL is waiting for her inheritance, she may be disappointed if it doesn't all come to her.

Nocluewhattodo I personally would buy DD a house in a heartbeat if I could afford to, as I would never want to watch my child struggle, but everyone is different.
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I would do the same, Noclue.

I'd pay for my DC not to go to private school, it's not always the ideal