Bitchy neighbour

[tenredthings]

My neighbor is old, disagreeable and hates me , I have no idea why and she refuses to talk to me about it.

Where I live we have a watering system which goes to all the neighbors gardens from a spring. Yesterday I was helping another 2 neighbors with a problem with the pipe. There are two inspection lids on the edge of nasty neighbor's garden land, no fences. With other two neighbours we were looking in the inspection hatches to find cause of leak. This is in all our interests to do. Nasty neighbour will benefit from it being mended.
Nice neighbour said nasty neighbour was out so no need to ask permission, any way other two neighbours are allowed on her land it's just me who's banned.

Today I receive a letter in my letter box saying I must never go on her land and that If I do I shouldn't sneak around like a robber and if I see her I should at the very least say hello and ending with a judgment about how much I lack manners.

So should I ignore or respond explaining that I was helping to mend a problem which effects us all and that I genuinely didn't see her. Or tell her perhaps she mistook me for a real robber in which case it's in her interest to foster good relations with her neighbours. Or am I feeding the troll and best to ignore.

It's really pissed me off. Over the years I've had numerous notes like this from her. and I hate the way they pollute my day.

I'd knock on her door and tell her to stop being silly leaving notes!

Explain that you hope neighbours x and z received the same abuse you do ands you were all fixing the pipe together.

"Please don't be so rude to me when I was helping you out, would you rather it leaked and made a mess of your garden? I doubt it"

I dont think you should explain as she's clearly batshit and anything you say will just give her more ammunition for an argument. Best to starve this kind of thing of oxygen which in her case, is attention.

Do any of the letters threaten you in any way? If they do then I'd report them to the community police and just get a crime reference number. Threats and harassment are a crime. If not, then I'd keep them as evidence, dont react, dont reply and just carry on as you are. If there is any escalation of any kind then contact the council and get some advice.
I'm sorry OP, its fcking horrible to have nasty neighbours, I dont understand why we cant all just live and let live.

Ignore the neighbour. If you see her say good morning/afternoon and leave it at that. She's rude but doesn't mean you have to be.

Ignore the letter, not the neighbour 🤦🏼‍♀️

Let her know you are no threat of a person by sending her back a happy sunny picture drawn by hand by yours truly, using your child’s crayolas.

In fairness you were on her land despite knowing she doesn’t want you there so for that I think YABU. it’s not the other neighbours place to say you can be there just because they can and surely you knew that you being there would ruffle some feathers.

Having said that obviously the pipe needed fixing so by trying to help YANBU.

I think the key here is how urgent was the problem? Did it need fixing there and then or could you have waited for her to be back to ask for access? If it could have waited then I think given you know she dislikes you it would have been better to wait to fix it.

In future I would go out of my way to ‘do the right thing’ I.e. knock and ask permission if needed or if it’s urgent then once you’re finished post a letter through her door to explain what you’ve been doing just to preempt her reaction.

For now I would just let it be, nothing good will come of unnecessarily fanning the flames.

I think you are right Beautiful. I feel the need to justify myself but she's clearly batshit and just wants one over on me. She reported me to the police before for a vehicle parked on my land that was totally legal. She complained to the council when I painted my house exactly the same colour it was before and sent me a letter saying that I was not allowed to collect rainwater from the gutters.
It's hard to understand as she's old, lives alone and we live quite remotely. I'm actually really nice, good at fixing things and could be a great help to her. I think one of her issues may be that she's racist.

You are right holymilk and I generally give her a wide berth. It grates her telling me I'm not polite, she has blanked me before and yelled at me in situations with other people where it's downright awkward and embarrassing.

Personally, knowing her history I wouldn't have been on her land without her permission for any reason.

When we bought our house we allowed all the neighbours a right of access across our garden as it makes sense as a short cut. She is happy to use this often. When she moved in to her house she did not make a similar gesture, despite shared pipes going behind her house and the path having been used by everyone for years. ( she can't even see this path from her window )

Today I receive a letter in my letter box saying I must never go on her land

Did she have to go onto your land to post the letter...?

Yes she did have to go on my land, but stupidly I have given the right of passage on my land, being neighborly and all that. I should maybe reply asking her kindly not to touch my letterbox in future and admonishing her for the lack of manners in posting a letter without an envelope.

If she's racist AND batshit then unfortunately, you probably won't make much headway here.

I'd stay away from her completely, let the other neighbours sort out the pipes and if they ask why you aren't helping, tell them you've received threatening letters from her telling you not to go on her land. This is not your responsibility and people shouldnt expect you to put yourself in situations where you are going to get aggro from horrid racist neighbours.

Keep everything she sends you, keep a record of any threats and report to council if it appears to be escalating.

Try not to take it personally OP- I know its hard but these are HER issues and have nothing whatsoever to do with you- you've done nothing wrong. It sounds like she's quite unhinged and I suspect it won't be too long before she ends up in a care home.

She sounds like a cantankerous old boot.

I dont think you should explain as she's clearly batshit and anything you say will just give her more ammunition for an argument. Best to starve this kind of thing of oxygen which in her case, is attention.

^This. I have a bashit elderly neighbour like this OP. He has nothing to do all day so stirs things up and creates problems and drama for others because it seems to be the only way people will pay attention to him. The reality is that most people avoid him because he's so horrible to deal with.
If there are threats or anything criminal report it, but otherwise I think it's best to ignore and avoid these type of people.

Draft a letter to her and rescind your permission for her to use your land as access

Are you in France, OP? Sounds so much like French neighbour behaviour!

I'd send a letter rescinding permission for her to cross your land too.
Sauce for the goose and all that. Silly woman.

I'd stay away from her completely, let the other neighbours sort out the pipes and if they ask why you aren't helping, tell them you've received threatening letters from her telling you not to go on her land. This is not your responsibility and people shouldnt expect you to put yourself in situations where you are going to get aggro from horrid racist neighbours

This.

And I would rescind her right to access of your land.

DEFINITELY ignore OP she's spoiling for a fight and if you go round there or respond that's exactly what you'll be giving her. She won't listen rationally to anything you say, it will just fuel her crazy hatred of you. Don't give in to her. Just ignore and rise above it.

I will ignore then. Another lesson for me in not bothering to defend myself from other people's accusations and bullshit. It's the fact she said I ran away like a thief that's got me thinking. Such a strange accusation. There was no running.... It makes me wonder what she has stolen from me !

You say 'not bothering to defend myself' like you feel you should. If you want to, then do. It's not a case of not defending yourself - it's more about picking your battles.

An old lady with a screw loose isn't worth the hassle.

i wouldn't engage with her on any level, others will know she's bonkers and will realise she's got a grudge with you. perhaps you remind her of someone