To ask about how you got your good long lasting private primary tutor and what you think about it?

[Shaminon]

Dd is in year r and already quite obviously struggling to keep up. She is not learning her phonics quickly and is bewildered by the simplest of maths. Her school is academic focussed , perhaps more than would suit her but it's our local school and a move would be risky and disruptive. I am thinking about paying a private tutor to tutor her once weekly to help her to not sink in the key stage 1 curriculum expectations - what do others think? And any advice to make it work best ? And do I talk to school about getting her a tutor? They have already told me she is struggling and they will be putting in extra support - I just don't know how long this will be in place for her and to be honest what the quality will be like. It seems sensible to have a quality back up plan with someone who knows the primary curriculum inside out.

Aibu?

I wouldn’t have got a tutor in reception. If school are addressing any issues I’d follow their guidance for now.

Sorry but it's crazy.

Children dvelop at different rates. Some have a quick start, slow down over the years and end up average achievers. Some start slowly, then pick up a fast pace as they mature.
my SIL was "hot housed" by her mother, could "read " 200 flash cards by the age of 3, a private tutor ( and private school) at 5.
Left school at 17 without a single qualification.

Try to instil enthusiastic curiosity in your child. Encourage learning about nature, grow things, cook with your child- great for maths and counting-, do some science at home, make maps, join a library. All these home activities challenge the mind and teach a child to be curious about their world- far more important skills at this age than phonics.
Enourage creative outlets and physical activity, music, dance, art, join clubs.

My children learned as much at home as they did at primary school.
Yes they learned arithmetic and learned to read, but they through their own curiosity and my support about atomic structure, the electromagnetic spectrum, the phases of matter.

Is not worry just yet. Just follow theirs advice. A person outside the school might do stuff differently which would be confusing for her.

Is she old / young for the year?
First child in your family?

my child struggled through the first year in school but has suddenly found his groove. He didn’t understand simple phonics and was a disaster all year. The school were useless but I just tried at home with lots of games - the five minute mum on Instagram does loads of phonics games.

A tutor in RECEPTION???

Please don't. This is total lunacy and far too much pressure on a very young child.

She's in reception. A tutor would be crazy and I think your expectations are too high. Read to her. Talk to her as much as you can - constant chattering dialogue, watch educational tv programmes and not crap eg a wildlife programme rather than peppa pig, count things when you're out and about like the number of dogs you see or red cars, spot numbers and letters on signs etc eg "who can be the first person to spot the number 4" or who can be the first person to spot the word "The" or "and".

Play matching pairs, let her play with a bag of bananagrams tiles putting letters together to make phonics sounds, do spot the difference puzzles, do paper mazes, make sure she's drawing and colouring lots etc etc

My mother brags about how I could read when I was two
She sent me to a expensive private school
Lots of pressure to be the best
Left school with qualifications and have none now
Don't do it

Thanks for all responses - I'm so sorry to hear of pressure pp were put under .

I know the primary curriculum is much more challenging post gove - I want to give her the opportunity to consolidate what she's leant with a qualified teacher who understands the pressure.

She isn't hot housed - we are relaxed but educational. I don't want her to sink like a stone due to undiagnosed dyslexic type difficulties (well recognised in our family), poor and limited additional support at school and then overtly pressured ks1 curriculum.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable in my circumstances.

Dont ask the question in AIBU then. She is only in reception, why can't you support her learning at home?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable in my circumstances.

Then why ask?

I agree with everyone else on the thread, there's no need to get a tutor for a child in reception. The school sound like they are aware of her difficulties and are putting support in place. If you want to help then there are loads of things you could be doing to give her a boost at home, and none of them require a tutor.

I don't think tutors have much benefit before Year3 personally. If she's still behind then, you could consider it.

Another one here who’s son struggled through reception. He just wasn’t ready. This year he’s found his groove. In one term he’s knocked last year out the park- was telling us all about van gough and his style of painting last night. I wouldn’t be worrying yet.

If dyslexic is in the family, you may find that’s a problem moving forwards. However, it is not generally diagnosed before the age of 7 precisely because children develop at different rates and what could be dyslexic today is just a blip next week.

Your assumption that support at school will be ‘poor’ is worrying. You don’t think the teachers and TAs are capable of managing targeted intervention for your child? What makes you think a tutor would be any different, particularly given a tutor will not see your child day in day out, her interactions, effort levels, engagement?

Have you looked for a tutor? Good ones - with experience and qualifications - are not easy to find. Be careful you don’t waste money on something that may be fixed quickly ny yourself and school working together. Save your money for when it really matters during the exam years.

Our local Kip McGrath centre offers Pre-school tutoring to get children ready for primary! So in that context OP is definitely not unreasonable.

However, I would focus on the possible dyslexia issues mentioned and getting those addressed with the school before getting external support.

Each school has their own way of teaching and external tutoring could just confuse if they use a different approach to school. EspeciLly if the child is struggling anyway.

Speak to school and get advise first and look at the possible issues around learning. Those need sorting as school isn’t just KS1 and will only get harder. You want your child to be engaged with learning especially as they move through towards SATs and then secondary.

OP I fully understand - it is heartbreaking when your children can’t keep up at school. I wouldn’t get a tutor yet though, I’d do what PPs suggest of playing games, trying different phonics methods (read write inc worked well for us). Ten minutes a day when you’re both relaxed will do a lot for her. If you are worried about dyslexia then you need to bring it up with school (although assume you have already).

I think every single person here has said don't get a tutor. Please listen to their advice. It is well meant.

• work with the school
• ask what you can be doing to support your child
• ask what they are doing to support your child
• ask how effective they are being.

Your tiny little 4 or 5 year old will be tired when they get home from school - tutoring isn't the most productive thing to do then.

Your child really shouldn't be 'struggling' at school - the phonics groups should be broken up into abilities (if they have even done that yet as you are only 1 term in). Some of the kids will still be on basic sounds.

As for maths if she can count to 10, recognise numbers to 10 then please don't stress yet. She's not expected to do massive sums yet.

I do wonder how many tutors would be willing to take on such a small child. However, that said, the suggestions for activities that people have given are good and perhaps, if you feel you want extra support, you can find someone local who is willing to come to you for half an hour a week to do some learning through play activities?

My daughter has always struggled at school and my advice would be to just let her enjoy reception year and support her at home through fun educational games. If you are still worried in Y1 ask the school what they can do to support her.

My daughter couldn't read at the end of reception year and struggled to count to 50. She was in a highly academic state school where many kids start at an already high level. In most years 50% of kids at that school go on to a grammar school so a child like my DD felt very out of place.

We did so much at home to help her but nothing would stick.

She got some extra support at school with phonics and maths but she was always behind her peers. You have to really fight for this support . I asked about testing for dyslexia but was told it was too early to test.

It was getting her assessed by an Ed Pshych in Y4 that helped. She told us DD had issues with processing and said that she needed to learn in a different way ( through song , dance , art etc ). One of the methods that was suggested was using scented pens in different colours to help her learn words.

We eventually hired a fantastic tutor at the start of Y5 as the school was going into overdrive to get the kids prepared for Y6 SATs and DD was panicking about them as she was so far behind and lacking in confidence.

We told the tutor that we wanted her to build her confidence and were not looking for SATS coaching as such. The tutor worked at a school for children with additional needs and was used to using different teaching methods.

DD ended up unexpectedly passing one of her SATs and scoring 99 and 96 in the other two. This was far better than the school were expecting and it was all down to the tutor's approach.

We've kept the tutor on even now that DD is in Y7 and fully intend to provide this support all through secondary school.

I have to say that if I could change one thing it would have been to remove her from that very pushy and academic school and place her in a school with a more average intake. I really do think I let her down by not doing that.

You'd be better off building fun learning into day to day life.

Reading together
Spotting sounds/letters on signs

Counting socks when doing the washing
Cooking
Sharing sweets

If you think the school doesn't suit it is far less disruptive to move her in KS1 than leave her there for 7 years. Maybe review at the end of Reception.

I'm surprised at some of the responses of those who have been tutored very young only to have left school with nothing. How does that even work?

I had a tutor in reception.
I was 5 1/2 and moved to the summer term of an English reception class from having still been at nursery in Italy. I really enjoyed the tutoring!

But in my case I understood it was because I'd moved house and couldn't speak the language, I'm not sure if it would maybe hurt her self-esteem as there isn't a big external reason why she'd have tutoring when most other DC don't.

What exactly is she struggling with? People will have a sense of whether she really is actually behind or not.

So, what does simplest of maths mean? Can she count? If she’s struggling with phonics, could a different reading method help? Are there particular sounds she’s struggling with? Could you help her with one aspect at a time at home through play?

Also how is her general behaviour, social skills etc? Is she ready to learn and be in school or is she still having to learn the basics before doing the academic stuff?

The biggest indicator of academic success is reading for pleasure.
My ds is in Reception, and he comes home so tired at the end of the day. I don't think he'd be able to cope with extra tutoring - in fact, I think it would be counterproductive.
Join your local library, let your child choose picture books and search out books on subjects she is interested in and read several picture books with her every night. That will help her to want to learn to read.
Buy her some nice coloured pencils and encourage her to draw pictures. That will help with pen control which will help her learn to write.
Play games like snakes and ladders with her. That will help with counting.
Talk to her school and find out what they have in place. Ask them what you can be doing at home with her to support her.
Reception is too little for a tutor. There's a reason the curriculum is based around learning through play at this age - because it works.

My children are tutored (2 hourly sessions week), they are reception and Y1. Found the tutor through recommendations. She usually does 7+ prep, which is not my ambition, but rather general education. Maths, phonics, the normal classroom stuff.
She's been brilliant, and it is actually cheaper than I expected