Cant get my head around this.

[Tillygetsit]

Today I found out that the baby I'm carrying has Downs Syndrome. Not at all a problem for me as I have experience with people with this condition and will love my baby whoever he is. DH also claims to be fine with it but then said something really odd.
We had chosen a very unusual but not unheard of name for ds but dh said he thinks we should pick something mainstream as he'll have enough to contend with.
I don't understand his reasoning as obvs we wouldn't choose a name we thought was ridiculous. He cant explain it anymore than that and I'm worried he's not ok really.
Am I being unreasonable to read into this?

Didn't enable voting so why is it there?!

Names can make people stand out. You'd notice/remember a woman called Bathsheba over own called Jane right?

Sometimes a name can be a burden.

First of all hugs and handholds to both you and your husband, finding out that your unborn child has and will have additional needs can be a daunting and worrying time for you both. Time is what you'll both need, and support for one another as you come to terms with babies' diagnosis. I'm sure the consultants will be able to put you both in touch with experts and support who will know what the future may hold for your family. Your baby will be your son no matter, and his name should be whatever you have both chosen and what is right for him. And he'll be just gorgeous x

There was a little boy with Down’s syndrome at my kid’s playgroup. I always remember him because of his cool name and because he was such a sweet boy. Maybe wait until your baby is here and see what suits him?

Thank you so much for the kindness. I think maybe it's been a bit of a shock for us both and I'm trying to be angry with him for not very good reasons. This is my 4th child his 2nd. I'm classed as a geriatric mum and dh is younger than me so there's some guilt there on my part. I know he'll be gorgeous and loved.

Congratulations Tilly!

I think talk to your DH about this. It may take some time for him to process the news and he may change his mind about the name. He may have envisioned his child, and will now need to adjust that.

Please do NOT feel guilty .

If you haven't already, can I suggest following Kelle Hampton on Instagram? Her second child was born with Down Syndrome unexpectedly and she has written a book about this. She is very inspiring.

I second everyone's advice apart from the Kelle Hampton recommendation. Her reaction to Nella's birth was so narcissistic.

I wonder if, for your DH, he had an image in his mind of your DC with your chosen name - and now reality has hit and he feels he can't reconcile / needs to have a "new" name to help him through?

A sensitive question - so please forgive me - but did you talk about what you would do if you had a child with a serious or even life-limiting condition eg Edwards? Maybe your DH is just in a sort of shock.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I think if you only just found out, he is probably still in shock/trying to get his head around it. Give him a bit of time and then broach the naming subject again. Wishing you a smooth remainder of your pregnancy :)

It may worth thinking about whether an unusual name would be harder for the child to say & write. If their pronunciation isn’t clear then a more easily recognised name may be better?

How about something like "we don't need to make this decision now, let's just focus on processing the new reality and see how we feel nearer the time."

Thanks again for the,advice. The name is Bram which is easy to say and spell. I think its sage advice to leave things for a bit.

I love the name Bram, but agree you should probably wait. Congratulations and Good luck !!

Bram is the diminutive of Abraham, by the way. Excellent name.
But yes, maybe give your DH time to switch gears and come to terms with the news. It’s a lot to take it for a while. The name discussion can be revisited. You’ll get there, together.

Bram is a lovely name. I would usually say (having a child with SN myself) that a simple, short name is easiest for a child with SN, but Bram is simple and short anyway.

I was also going to say, you cant helo imagine a child when you pick a name for it. He probably had a picture in his mind of what (your chosen name) would look like. And now his picture is different, he is almost letting go of the old idea and has a new picture in his mind and wants a new name to go with it. Not because its 'lesser' or anything, just different. Sorry if I've not explained very well

My DS is severely disabled. We also found out during pregnancy. When he was born we chose an unusual name that I had my heart set on since I was a teenager.
The name is cool and has helped him to be remembered. He had dozens of doctors, therapists, nurses, carers etc in his life since birth and all of them remember his name when we meet again, even if it’s in the street unexpectedly.

I would chose a cool and unusual name for your son.

Your husband may be grieving for the child he had imagined without a disability who had the name Bram. Try to understand and talk to him. He may need to change the name in order to put that idea behind him and focus on the reality of the future.

Congratulations and best of luck

He probably had a picture in his mind of what (your chosen name) would look like. And now his picture is different, he is almost letting go of the old idea and has a new picture in his mind and wants a new name to go with it. Not because its 'lesser' or anything, just different.

@OoohTheStatsDontLie I think you've explained it perfectly. And I agree that it's quite possible that subconsciously, that's what he's going through.

I know a Bram. But his parents are dutch and he lives in Holland so that might make a difference. I don,t think it,s too odd.

Bram sounds to me, like... Bam, and in Scotland, this means... not right in the head... so... while I don't mean to be offensive, maybe he's got a point about the name like...depending on where you live...

I agree that your husband probably pictured the Bram he thought was coming, and is adjusting.

I certainly wouldn’t give up on an unusual name though- your boy will have lots of character.

I don't live anywhere near Scotland and your response upset me @sammybins. Thank you everyone else. We've decided to focus on other things for now.

There was an episode of Call the Midwife where a husband and wife named their children wonderfully unusual names and had similar planned for their new baby. But the baby was unfortunately a victim of thalidomide. And the mother said exactly the same thing your DH did and chose to call the baby something very simple (Susan if I remember correctly) instead.

Not that your life is a tv show but on the episode it made sense to them that she’d ‘have enough to deal with’ and would benefit from a lovely but ‘normal’ name to help her have a more ‘normal’ life.

Give your DH time, OP. It's a lot for you both to take it at the moment.

But remember that you are a team and your little baby needs the love and nurture of you both.

FWIW, I love the name Bram think it is a fabulous name - short, easy to spell, memorable.

When I was in labour with my son the midwife asked me what names I had chosen and I told her. However he was diagnosed with DS at birth I told her I had changed my mind and was going to call him something plainer. She said dont talk nonsense hes already used to his name. His name although not very unusual, does make him stand out but in a good way. The only thing I will say is that people with DS have trouble pronouncing double consonants such as Br so he might not be able to say his own name properly.