To ask if this is normal behaviour

[naniej]

About 12 months ago I was a totally different person. I was known for being untidy, generally unorganised, laidback about everything etc. I never cared much about the little things.

But I've changed. I'm obsessed with cleaning, tidying, having everything in order. I feel like that's all I seem to want to do. If Im not doing it I feel stressed and panic - finding something to clean, something to organise. I'm constantly stressing at my DP if he moves anything or leaves the slightest mess anywhere.

It's the same at work. If anything is out of the ordinary in my working space I feel tense until it's sorted. If I notice that somebody else isn't doing something how I usually would, it irritates me and I just want to go and fix it.

I don't see how I can go from one extreme to the other. I feel like I don't know this version of me. Sometimes I do feel better that I'm so much more tidy, but then most other times I think I need to relax and stop being so uptight if something isn't how I want it.

Is there anybody else out there who is like this?

I do find the more anxious I am, the more I will try to keep myself extra busy and be more inclined pay attention to every little thing.
Can you pinpoint when it started or perhaps what may have triggered this change?

Perhaps you're suffering from anxiety, although there's a huge misinformed population who think obsessing over cleaning is OCD, an acronym they use to describe being organised...

OCD is debilitating, and the majority of the time has very little to do with cleaning, so if anyone suggests that's what it is, I would ignore it to be honest.

How are you feeling day to day? Are you finding work challenging, or are you bored?

I don't feel particularly anxious about anything.. I just want everything to be perfect and in order and sometimes that isn't always possible (don't have enough time to do it etc), and then I just get frustrated until I can actually do it!

@Retroflex Re work - I like that I know what I'm doing everyday and I enjoy planning my day. I wouldn't say that I'm bored, as it can vary day to day..

Did something happen 12months ago that made you want more order & control in your environment as a coping mechanism. I get like that sometimes if I'm very down ,(but not constantly). I find cleaning & being v v organised stops me thinking & dwelling as my brain often goes into obsessive overdrive on what's bothering me & I end up feeling mentally shattered. Chaos makes me more anxious, so I prefer my coping mechanisms they work for me. If you feel yours are getting out of hand & really not 'you' maybe you need some Counselling to get to the root of it.

@SayFriday No I don't think so. I know that OCD isn't about just being clean/tidy and it's actually much more than that. I have a friend who has OCD and it is very extreme, it has ruined her life and she's actually had to have a lot of time off work because of it

@naniej maybe as you're only now noticing little things which didn't bother you before, it's not necessarily a bad thing, and nobody stats the same forever after all. There are worse traits you could pick up than wanting to be organised, although usually a change like this is a manifestation of a problem that you're either not conscious of, or a way to distract yourself from the problem.

@SayFriday I have bipolar disorder and OCD, and it's debilitating even as an adult, I cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for your child, or you having to physically watch your child distressed. I'm on mood stabilisers and anti psychotics for my bipolar, but taking a diazepam tablet regularly, and more when I'm not feeling "in control" help. I've tried CBT etc, but it makes no difference. Mindfulness apps at night time sometimes help me to relax enough to fall asleep, but I continually wake through the night to check the doors and windows are locked, everything is switched off at the sockets etc... I'm constantly exhausted, and being physically disabled only adds to my panic when I think about someone breaking in, or a fire, or, or, or...

I would love to tell you that it gets better, and I do have my own coping mechanisms, but it's hard...

OP, are you of menopausal age? I get far more stressed about things being tidy in the run up to my period, then for the rest of the month, i am my usual relaxed self. I wonder if it is being driven by your hormones which can cause feelings of anxiety and a need to control your environment?

This happens to me when I'm anxious, particularly in the run up to my period. I hate it.

@SayFriday I hope that his medication change makes a difference... I personally find it very helpful, but if I'm worried about something, then my OCD symptoms seem to be more prevalent...