AIBU to still be upset with my friends?

[Booboo2019]

I recently had my first baby girl (happiest news ever) however during the same year I had some of my biggest struggles too. My MIL died after a short but distressing illness only days after LO was born (we were very close as she was a great source of support as my mum passed when I was young), I had a tough pregnancy with awful hyperemesis, my sister stopped talking to me after I told her I was expecting (dont ask) and there were a few other things.

I have a close group of friends that I've known for a long time however during this time they've started other WhatsApp groups without me and planning holidays/meet ups, and then awkwardly inviting me after or inviting me last minute. I left our whatapp group because I was really upset about it and becoming more anxious about seeing them (when they finally would invite me to stuff). We then discussed the issue and although they were apologetic they didnt really give a reason for their weirdness and now I feel I dont trust them. Maybe were just social friends? Should I just let it go as they have apologised?

Have they got kids?

Sorry that's a key bit of info - they don't have kids and so they probably dont get it but it was just such a tough year which they knew about. They didnt really ask to see how I was doing after the events or seem to care much.. but after I bought that to their attention they're contacting me more

I feel very similar about my group of old friends, they were totally awful the first year after I had my baby and even now ask 'when I can get back to normal and meet after work for drinks' even though I'm breastfeeding my 14 month old and am a stay at home mum with a husband who gets home at 9pm each night!

Bottom line is they don't get it because they haven't had kids yet. I'm sorry about your MIL. Do you have any mum friends? I'm sure things with this group will improve in time, but I'd be less invested in it for a while - although it is good that they've made more of an effort Since you told them how you felt, maybe they just didn't realise how upset you'd been 💐

If you have a kid and they don't, in a sense you've moved on, and can't be part of their gang any more. Even if you stay friendly, you don't have the same interests. Get out to some mum and baby things and start making some new friends.

Thank you, reading this made me feel better in the sense that I'm not alone. But I'm sorry you felt this way too. I was the first of my close friends to have a baby and dont really have any mummy friends but am making an effort to get out there. I just would have hoped as friends they would have cared a bit more x

I would keep them as friends but know the friendships will always be quite shallow. I have friends like this - good to have a laugh with but don't care for discussing anything deep and meaningful or listening to problems.

Unfortunately, you find out who your real friends are when you have kids, I lost alot of people I thought I was close to when I had my first child, including a cousin I'd grown up with and was very close with, until she decided I was the worst parent in the world for doing what was best for my child at the time, but that's a whole load of depression and anxiety ago. You will find a new set of friends, most of the time they're better than the friends you had before. I have 1 person I am still close with from school and before children, but the others have slowly disappeared from my life and been happier for it. It's not the end of the world. Get yourself on Facebook mum groups, and parent and toddler sessions local to you, also nursery and school mums sometimes make for good friends too.

Hi OP, so sorry you have had such a hard year, especially the death of your lovely MIL. Heartbreaking for you.

It's very hard but until you have children yourself, you just don't get it.

They are in a different place and may be for a while. Some may have children in the future and you may reconnect.

Though you are hurt, it really is a waste of vital energy to dwell on this. There is unlikely to be a woman out there who had children that did not lose some friends on the way.
It's not you...it's just a transitional period.

In the meantime you have to get out there and check what is going on locally for new Mum's.

I have some truly wonderful friends from those days.
Women I connected with quickly and deeply and whom gave me some great advice, wisdom and support during difficult early days of parenting.

Funnily enough I remember seeing people very quickly and clearly for who they were.

It is just so important to meet people that are also EXACTLY where you are at..ie busy becoming a new Mum, with all that involves, juggling work, other children, sleeping, relationships, etc.

Wishing you the best💐