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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Older sibling walking younger home from school

75 replies

user133367 · 15/01/2020 19:51

DC 1 and 2 in the same school, and DC 3 starting a different school in September. The clash in pick up time means having to pay £10 a day after school care for youngest or middle DC unless I can find an alternative solution. DC1 will be in year 10 so is fine alone but DC 2 year 4. Would you let DC1 year 10 pick up and walk home DC year 4? Is it too much responsibility?

OP posts:

TeacupDrama · 16/01/2020 08:36

Firstly legally the school can do nothing if you write a letter saying child X can leave school by themselves that is that. The school can only report if there is a real risk to the child is it is specifically dangerous for child X to leave by themselves because of Y social services are not interested in whether school says Y4 need a parent if the Y4 is generally sensible and lives2 minutes away with no roads the school could not demonstrate a specific risk therefore on receipt of a letter saying they had permission to walk home by themselves there is nothing they can do. Except let them.

You need to risk access this yourself does your older child understand that they would be responsible personally I was walking home five minutes with my little sister when I was 7 and she was 5 once we had crossed with lollipop person there was only a tiny cul-de-sac entrance to cross

Just use common sense if it is safe in your eyes it is fine.

bellinisurge · 16/01/2020 08:52

Absolutely normal where I live. As pp has said, be mindful of impact on year 10 child's after school stuff.

Magpiefeather · 16/01/2020 09:26

Sounds fine to me but do the high school ever give out same day detentions? I was a goody goody at school but once genuinely forgot my homework and was kept for detention at the end of the day with everyone else. I had no way to let my parents know and I knew that me having detention was so out of the ordinary that they wouldn’t have thought of it. They were less worried than I was actually. But if I had the responsibility to pick up a younger sibling I would’ve been in bits, having to defy scary teacher and rules in that situation. Just something to think about.

whatsamumtodo8 · 16/01/2020 09:27

Yes definitely if you trust them both.

SnowsInWater · 16/01/2020 09:32

Does your Y10 come straight home after school? Mine usually has school sport or goes to the library or subject support with her friends or stops off for a milkshake. I wouldn't think it fair to expect her to miss that. If it won't impact the eldest's social life then I don't think it's unreasonable although I might sweeten the deal with a few quid.

Apileofballyhoo · 16/01/2020 09:34

Does primary school not finish earlier than secondary school?

RedskyAtnight · 16/01/2020 10:06

Does primary school not finish earlier than secondary school?

Depends on the schools I guess. Round here, the secondary school finishes earlier (but also starts earlier and has less time for breaks) than the primaries. Lots of parents rely on secondary school students to pick up primary school ones!

Apileofballyhoo · 16/01/2020 10:51

Secondary usually finishes later than primary in Ireland.

YappityYapYap · 16/01/2020 10:54

I don't understand how Y4 and Y10 can be in the same school? Y4 is primary school and Y10 is secondary school? I'm in Scotland and we do Primary 1-7 then Secondary 1-6 so Y4 must be about primary 4 and Y10 would be 3rd year of secondary school?

MyDcAreMarvel · 16/01/2020 10:57

I would let the year four child walk home alone.

zoobincan · 16/01/2020 11:05

I'm so confused by this year nonsense can you not just say their age? This is my pet hate and infuriates me more than it should. But seriously, how difficult is it to give an age.

Does primary school not finish earlier than secondary school?

OP said they were in the same school. Which I don't really understand but then again I have no idea how old the kids are. Someone upthread suggested 14/15 and 8/9 which has really baffled me because surely they would not be in the same school

Lolwhat · 16/01/2020 11:08

I walked my brother home from school at 11 when he was 8 and it was like 2 miles, a 14/15 year old can deffo do that🤣

ChanklyBore · 16/01/2020 11:15

There are lots of secondary kinds picking up siblings in our school playground every day. Because of how the schools are geographically the secondary kids basically need to walk right past the primary to get to their homes. Many pick up the youngers from year 7 onward. No one seems to mind

wakemewhenitsallover · 16/01/2020 11:17

I took my little sister to and from school 2.5 miles on London buses from what would now be called year 5. Year 10? No problem!

bananamonkey · 16/01/2020 11:28

I did this from year 7 (ages 11) for my 2 x primary siblings for a couple is years, it was fine. A 14-15 yr old is more than capable.

Ishotmrburns · 16/01/2020 11:31

Sounds totally fine to me

Sewrainbow · 16/01/2020 12:26

Year 10 are 14/15 years old? Of course it's fine, I was babysitting neighbours and being paid at that age!

isntitapip · 16/01/2020 17:40

I'd be concerned if I had a 14-15 year old (with normal development and no learning difficulties) who wasn't capable of it tbh. Responsibility and helping out in the family is part of teaching them to grow up.

Original poster

user133367 · 18/01/2020 02:00

Sorry for the age confusion. Year 4: will be age 8 all year (August born) Year 10:13, turns 14 in summer term. Same school, it is a through school.

Detentions are always the next day, usually lunch time and always communicated first by phone.

Not making any decisions yet, will probably ask eldest how they feel about it and wouldn't expect it to be a daily thing. Another alternative is moving schools/towns for the younger siblings and eldest having to get the bus every day so I'm sure they'd prefer the walk with sibling if included in the decision making.

OP posts:

wakemewhenitsallover · 18/01/2020 02:04

I used to babysit toddlers at age 13! Unless your DC are particularly wayward, this is a good opportunity for instilling independence and confidence in being out and about on their own.

TriciaH87 · 18/01/2020 11:57

At 10 I took my younger brother on 2 buses two and from school an hour away. Its fine to let older sibling pick dc2 up. My eldest will be picking his younger brother up when he is 14 to walk home. At the moment the grandparents do but I think they will be giving up driving in next couple years.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 18/01/2020 11:59

If the Year 10 is happy to do it I think it's fine. If DC1 has a club/social engagement after school I'd be prepared to put DC2 in after school club though.

zoobincan · 18/01/2020 12:29

Thanks for the age clarification.

I would say if your elder downer mind then it's fine. I used to collect a 5/6 yo sibling from childminder when I was 13/14 and take them home on the bus. I hated it though as it meant I couldn't hang out with my friends after school. There was a lot more to it and I never got a break so that probably means I'm more against it when it's probably fine, but please make sure your older child also has their freedom.

zoobincan · 18/01/2020 12:30

*doesn't mind

BaronessBomburst · 18/01/2020 12:36

I would expect an 8 year old to be able to walk home on their own.
I'm in the Netherlands though and children here seem to be a lot more independent.

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