To not sit with him?

[LampHat]

I have become friendly with a man I speak to every day at the train station. It’s a fairly small village station, so often just the two of us there. He has a son in my DS’s class at school.

I’m happy to make small talk for 5 minutes, but then feel obliged to sit next to him on the (nearly empty) train when it arrives. I have not done this so far.

My question is, is it unreasonable to just say “goodbye” and walk past his seat to go and sit at the other end of the train? It feels really rude but I can’t make small talk for an hour at 6.30am every single day

Of course not.

"Have a nice day" is maybe a bit friendlier than goodbye. Sit down, headphones in, book/papers/laptop out.

Absolutely.

Don't start something that is completely unnecessary.

I'm sure he feels the same.

View the morning greetings as just politeness and move on.

For all you know he doesn’t want to make small talk with you. YANBU

Or ‘have a good day- good luck with your interview- I hope you feel better’ — whatever is appropriate.

Yanbu. Never do it, not even once as that'll be you committed forever.

I’m quite sure he would also prefer to be left to relax on his journey rather than make small talk! Perfectly fine to acknowledge each other and say ‘have a good day’ as you board the train and sit in your usual, respective seats.

I would sit on the set of seats near him, have a little chat for 5 mins then pull out a book.

Why on earth would you worry about this. I regularly see people when out waiting for a bus, we will have a quick chat whilst we wait but they have never then sat next to me on the bus!

I’d prolly drop into conversation that I had a new year’s resolution to learn xx over 2020, making the most of my commute. Just don’t pick a language or he might expect you to show your progress some day! Pick something obscure you already know about, or say you’re researching family holiday destinations...?

YANBU. I walk to work, and that 30 minutes with my headphones on, alone, is SO important to me in terms of setting me up for the day. If I see a colleague when I am walking, I deliberately slow down or change my my route so i don’t have to make conversation.

Thank you, I feel so relieved.

And @Skittlesandbeer I like that! Or maybe I could actually do something productive with my commute, instead of just pretending to.

Ha who am I kidding - I’ll definitely pretend.

Thanks all.

YANBU

i used to catch a train with a neighbour - we'd natter for 5 mins then both nod off

Please don’t ever sit with him, you will then have to do it forever!

When I was 17 I got my first job and travelled there by a bus laid on for staff. A man in my dept used the same bus and somehow I ended up sitting with him every morning and every evening for a year and a half. He was in his 60’s). Every morning he would say “another day, another dollar” and I would laugh politely as if I’d never heard it before!

Why not get on first and make him decide 😎

I very much doubt he wants you to sit with him. He wants peace and quiet as much as you do. Just tell him to have a nice day and sit somewhere else.

Carry a big book with you and, when you’re making small talk, say something about how commuting is a pain, but at least you get some time to read without feeling guilty about not doing the ironing instead.