To be really pissed off

[AspieDoc]

Just typed out a massive post and lost it.

Basically - DH going on a jolly with friend at the end of the month, was supposed to be 'a couple of days'. Now five days, AND he's now going to a residential course with work for two days beforehand.

I'm currently signed off work with anxiety, stress and exhaustion, am recovering from flu (which I went down with as soon as I was signed off) and generally am barely making it through each day both mentally and physically. We have two DC, a very busy and exhausting toddler and a 5 year-old with ASD.

So now the prospect of him leaving me to it for a week in ten days time is fairly shit, particularly as it's all been kind of sprung on me at the last minute. I had no issues with him going away with his friend when I felt well and it was for what I assumed would be a long weekend - I've done similar in the past - but this is not what I agreed to.

I don't even know what I expect him to do about it at this point. I don't want him to miss his trip just half of it, and I don't think he can miss the work course. I'm just really really annoyed and upset.

AIBU?

Get him to pay for a night nanny type service to help you out. Is the toddler in childcare?

@puds11 he goes to a childminder but only the days I'm working. I assume I'll be back by then. I don't think we could afford any extra childcare at the moment.

Ah that’s kack. Can you ask him to cut the trip short by a day at least? Tired, I’ll and children is not a winning combination! Or does he have parents nearby he could ask to help?

He lied to you. He to,d you he was going for a weekend and he's going for a week once you add in his work trip.

He knew and he planned this.

What a fucking arsehole he is.

Sorry, I have no advice really but I'd be bloody incandescent. And if you have been signed off sick with anxiety, stress and exhaustion, I'd say he simply doesn't give a shit about your health.

Given you're currently signed off work and he's not going away for a couple weeks could you dedicate the time to feeling better?

Stay in bed, ask him to deal with the kids as much as possible, when you feel a bit physically better try and do a bit of yoga or meditation to help calm your anxiety?

Then try and remember it's a week and it's unfortunate timing that the two things are back to back but if he's not always off galavanting perhaps it's okay. I know it will be hard but if there are any friends or family you could ask for help then reach out. I wouldnt mind helping a friend in this situation.

I’d feel the same as you.

Practically speaking you need to be preparing to survive the five days alone (call in any favours you can, make sure your cupboards are stocked up try and arrange some visits play dates to keep everyone entertained a bit if you can). Personally I think you would be making life harder for yourself going back to work. I presume the childminder is already paid for/will still charge for those days? I’d take that time to get you through if you possibly can.

When you say you 'assumed' it would be a long weekend, did you not ask/discuss it with him?

When do you get your jolly away from the DCs ?

No you are not unreasonable. Can you get him to take a few days off and let you go away to get some rest even just to stay with family to get a few lie ins? I have children of similar ages and needs so I understand.’i am separated as I became so exhausted and resentful.

You are unwell.
He should be cancelling his 5 day holiday.
Totally unreasonable.

Extremely selfish to consider going ahead with it.

💐