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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry about DDs op being cancelled?

43 replies

whatjendid · 15/01/2020 15:35

For background, my daughter is 16 months old and has a rare genetic condition. This is manageable but she had been booked into Great Ormond St for a tongue reduction for 24th January.

We were informed of surgery on Christmas Eve (causing me great anxiety) and she had her pre-op yesterday and earlier today we received a call to say that her surgery has been cancelled due to the surgeon now not being available. AIBU to be pissed off? This is pretty major surgery in terms of recovery with a minimum of a week in hospital post op. I have timed changing jobs to ensure that I can take enough time off for recovery, booked the dog into kennels, booked her out of nursery etc in prep. 10 days out just doesn’t feel fair.

Thanks x

OP posts:

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 15/01/2020 15:38

You don't know what emergency the surgeon has had they could have had a bereavement. It's not been done to spite you. I do understand you're frustrated.

PurpleDaisies · 15/01/2020 15:38

It’s totally understandable that you’re feeling this way.

Unfortunately the NHS is stretched beyond breaking point and this happens a lot. It doesn’t make it easier for you though.

Hope you get a new date soon.

Crunchymum · 15/01/2020 15:41

That is bloody frustrating OP.

There is very little you can do to change it now so it may be best to focus on what you can rearrange and reschedule.

Contact the kennels, nursery and work and explain the situation.
See if they can refund / rejig / keep anything you have paid on account.

I too have a child (2 at the weekend) with a rare genetic condition and whilst we've not had any operations, we have a multitude of medical appointments and I am always shifting things about to manage to attend everything.

We've had a few things cancelled on us last minute and it is infuriating as I have booked leave / arranged cover for my older kids etc...

Best of luck for the the Op does happen

JeezyPeeps · 15/01/2020 15:41

It's not ideal, but they won't be doing it for no good reason - it causes them an increased workload too.

Maybe the surgeon has been signed off work due to illness him/herself.

Yanbu to be annoyed though, it's a lot of stuff to change/cancel and then rebook for your new dates. Hopefully everyone will be understanding.

billybagpuss · 15/01/2020 15:44

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I remember when DD was in SCBU a long time ago in your head the only way of coping is to focus on 'the next significant procedure' and it must be so frustrating to have that moved back.

But the NHS is a wonderful asset that we have and they would not cancel these things if they had any other option.

MrsT1405 · 15/01/2020 15:45

The surgeon may well have had to work on a more vital emergency or there may not have been after care available. . It very unfortunate but cant be helped.

negomi90 · 15/01/2020 15:45

What could they do differently? If your under GOSH there are unlikely to be lots of other surgeons who can do that op and any who are are likely busy.
The surgeon has gone unavailable for a reason be it a bereavement, sick leave, paternity leave. They can't cancel that leave (he wouldn't have been booked in for annual leave on a day he had a list).
It sucks but there aren't any other options and at least you weren't there on the day being cancelled due to no beds

Ummusomebody · 15/01/2020 15:46

OP 8 understand where you're coming from but I'm guessing the surgeon may not be in position to operate. GOSH is not like every other hospital- meshing they have specialised specialist and another surgeon may not be able to just step in or have their own list pretty full. It's unfortunate what it is with the NHS. My local hospital had all their electives surgery cancelled this week because there's literally no place to put people.

SproutMuncher · 15/01/2020 15:47

I voted YABU because as people say, there are all sorts of valid reasons why the surgery had to be cancelled, but I totally sympathise with How upsetting and frustrating it must be in a number of levels.

I hope you get a new date soon and it goes well

Sirzy · 15/01/2020 15:50

There is always a risk with pre planned procedures that they will be cancelled. It’s frustrating when it happens but often there is no alternative and it has to be safe to do it.

Ds was due to have an operation in 3 weeks time, due to complications it had to be moved and he had it done last week. To allow it to happen I am sure changes had to be made elsewhere but for safety it needed doing then.

WhateverHappenedToMe · 15/01/2020 16:05

You have not idea why the surgeon is "unavailable". Perhaps he was the doctor who died in a skiing accident last week? Perhaps he attempted suicide because of the pressure of work?

I know it's inconvenient and disheartening for you, but the hospital would not have postponed without a very good reason.

fairislecable · 15/01/2020 16:22

If the Doctor has been suspended for nefarious practices I am sure you would be pleased to have the op suspended.

The bottom line is you have no idea why it’s postponed and yes it’s annoying but that’s life.

Rosebel · 15/01/2020 16:32

It's tough. When my daughter was 7 we were in the hospital waiting for her operation and the surgeon came and told me it was cancelled due to an emergency. It's incredibly frustrating when you've taken time off work and arranged childcare for your younger child but it's what happens sometimes.
However much to my surprise we were offered another date,really quickly (about 2 weeks later). Hopefully they'll do the same for you.

happycamper11 · 15/01/2020 16:37

Annoying but it happens frequently. The other month SIL was having a risky back surgery so she's psyched herself up for it mentally. She's a single parent with pets so she's arranged childcare, cat sitter, had pre op and was in, prepped and on the trolley dressed in surgery gown, about to be wheeled down when it was cancelled and she was sent home so annoying as it is, it could be worse!

gabsdot45 · 15/01/2020 16:39

It's frustrating I know. My DD had open heart surgery last year and it was cancelled twice before it went ahead.
Once was because the surgeon had to do a heart transplant, (they can't be planned for) and the other time was because a new born baby needed emergency surgery.
Surgeons are so highly skilled that it's very difficult to replace them when emergencies come up.
Hopefully you'll get another date soon,

AuntSelmaJane · 15/01/2020 16:46

They would not have cancelled lightly, it causes a big impact for them too.

You are right to feel frustrated but it might be something really awful like a genuine medical emergency needing priority, the Dr passing away, being bereaved, unwell or something unexpected like going into labour herself unusually early (if it's a female surgeon) etc.

It will have been avoided if possible, but fingers crossed they replan soon.

I have been in a similar position, albeit for myself, and the impact on work alone was a massive source of stress, nevermind juggling logistics (travelling for hours to the specialist unit then it being cancelled the day before, in my case the doctor had been admitted to hospital as an emergency herself, truly unexpected and not something they could just rope in another specialist for at last minute).

user1496146479 · 15/01/2020 16:55

Unfortunately this happens. In our case, we had been admitted for a planned heart op, previously already cancelled twice, and while waiting to be called to theatre, was cancelled again!
Fourth time lucky we got it done!

georgialondon · 15/01/2020 16:57

Surely you realise the surgeon was very likely unavailable because they were dealing with emergency surgery. YABU

Raera · 15/01/2020 17:08

Just been on the news about a problem with surgeons at GOSH

PurpleDaisies · 15/01/2020 17:11

Surely you realise the surgeon was very likely unavailable because they were dealing with emergency surgery. YABU

Emergency surgery they know about ten days in advance? It’s more likely a staff and/or bed shortage.

JeezyPeeps · 15/01/2020 17:11

Surely you realise the surgeon was very likely unavailable because they were dealing with emergency surgery

I think that's unlikely considering she's been given ten days notice.

gamerwidow · 15/01/2020 17:15

Of course you're not unreasonable to feel angry about this. It takes so much mental effort to steel yourself for major surgery for your child and it's going to feel like a kick in the teeth that all that work was for nothing.
It will have been delayed for a very good reason but knowing that doesn't make your feelings irrelevant, it still sucks.

DivGirl · 15/01/2020 17:22

BWS?

They don't cancel these procedures lightly so it really will have been unavoidable - although that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Hopefully you'll get another date for the surgery soon and will just be able to rejig everything with time off etc.

letmebefrank · 15/01/2020 17:24

It will not have been cancelled lightly.

Be thankful it wasn't cancelled on the day, or the day before, like several people I know have had happen recently.

ViaSacra · 15/01/2020 17:25

You have absolutely no idea why this surgeon is no longer available.

It could be that one of his/her own children has been taken ill or even passed away.

It will clearly be unplanned leave, so there’s no way it could have been predicted to give you more notice.

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