Older women/ younger men.. your experiences?

[calculatedrisk]

I expect that it is all relative based on the ages of the couple but am interested to see if there are many success stories?
I have recently cottoned on that a younger man who seems quite interested is possibly looking for a mummy figure rather than partner or equal. This has take me by quite the surprise
I am mid forties/ he is mid thirties. Both professional and independent.
I imagined that he would view a partner as an equal but of late I find him rabbiting on about those that care for him and how he is amazed at female figures.. mother/ sisters/ friends who want to essentially look after him and how kind and wonderful they are.he is kind and wonderful to them too but in an entirely different way.
I am a mother already. I don't want another child in my life to look after.

I love that he appreciates the women in his life but worry that he may see me as a mother figure rather than a woman in my own right.That he looking for another woman to look after him rather than a lover and partner ? AIBU

Also my self esteem is not too high and I am very average to look at andsomewhat overweight although I am confident and always try to look my best . He is athletic and handsome so there is that question mark lingering too?
Maybe I can't believe that he is interested in me in that way .
Sorry for the ramble!

Reading my post just now, I think I am asking why would a man ten years younger than me, have romantic interest in me , when he could have beautiful women his own age. Am I being a cynic to think it's because he wants minding ?
I have children , I have an exh and family commitments which I do not imagine are attractive propositions for a young man ?

I was 26 when I got together with my woman who was almost 37. No one was surprised, I was always mature! We split up after 10 years as the age thing very definitely became an issue and should probably have called it quits after 6 years to be honest. Nothing to do with mothering in my getting together with her - she was an attractive, interesting person with many shared hobbies.

My mum and dad. My mum was 18 years older than my dad. He was 27 when I was born. She was 46. Both had been married before. They were very happy together until my mum died. She always looked good and even now looking at old pictures I don't think they looked different ages.
Recently I have been reading about Joan Collins. She is 32 years older than her husband! From what I have read they are also very happy.
I am older than my dh by 12 years. I had been married before with 3 dc when we met. He was single. I have never been in a better relationship. He says the same.

I personally know of a woman who’s 25 years older than her partner. They both describe the relationship as the best one they have ever been in. I think it can work but obviously it depends on the individuals same as any other relationship. If you like him it’s worth pursuing a relationship.

I think you are right to question his love of 'nuturing, older women' but not dismiss him entirely over it. Perhaps it's just a clumsy way of saying he appreciates the attributes which he thinks you have. He hasn't implied he is looking for someone to mummy him - you say he is in his 30s and professional and independent which doesn't suggest Cocklodger.

If he said he appreciates ambitious, independent women, fearless bunny hugging vegan women would you have questioned it? He sounds like a treat - give him a chance but definitely don't cut up his food or tuck him in

My DM married a 29 year old when she was 52, it didn’t work out.

If he ever wants kids it won't work, and I wouldn't take his word for 'never want them'. I wouldn't go there myself with a much younger guy who hasn't completed his family for this reason as I am past childbearing. I've had several female friends invest a lot of time and emotion into younger men when they were too old to have any kids and in the end the relationships didn't work out.

I’ve gone out with people younger most of my life, not ten years younger though. Six years was the maximum age difference. I never thought about it at the time. Now I’m older I’d worry about my fitness levels and bring able to keep up with them. Wanting things at different times, (kids)
Plus would think they would want someone not just their age but possibly ten years younger, than THEM - so 20 years younger than me.
The fact he’s mentioned being looked after would trouble me. Does he want children, do you want more?

Ask him perhaps ...

If he is marvelling at what the women in his life will do for him, is it because he wouldn't do the same and neither would the men in his family?

I would wonder if he wants you to start being in competition with them.

My DD is the same age as two of her ex's and both wanting Mothering, as do a lot of men, so I don't think it's just about the age gap.

He doesn't want children but adores them.
He says he's too selfish to have them.

Just to add I'd have my doubts about him wanting a partner, but I've had a lot of fun with younger men. But I didn't want anything more.

How old are your children? I don't think he sounds like partner material, if he describes himself as selfish.

Yeah, they all say they never want kids. And they 'adore' yours.

The age difference isn't a problem, but if he only admires women for their nurturing qualities (and I think it's telling that he specifically mentions it in regards to them looking after him, rather than it being just generally) then I would be worried about that.

My DH is 10 years younger than me. We met when I was 35 and he was 25. We've been together for 22 years, married for 20. Our age difference has never been a problem.

I don't actually think there's a massive conceptual difference between a 35 year old man and a 45 year old woman (for example). Can't see why that shouldn't work if it's about personality and attraction. If it's about someone consciously seeking out older women because he wants to be pampered and mothered then I'd resist that.

I tended to find older men very attractive, but my husband is a couple of months younger than me and I actually really like that we have the same pop culture reference points and experienced significant UK and world history at roughly the same age. I don't think these things are essential to a relationship but they are very nice.

I'm 50, DP is 37.

We've been together for 6 years and very happy. Age difference has never bothered us.

I'm 41 and my DH is 31. We get along fine. I didn't want any children and he already had one, so that's works out well too.

To expand, he comes from a very traditional family where the mother was a housewife and Father worked the farm.she is very warm and nurturing and loves nothing more than feeding the masses and the father tends to the more traditional male roles.. diy/ refuse/ works outside all
Day . His parents adore each other and seem to respect each other very much.
He loves for women to cook for him, have the fire going , laundry done , not
In a sexist way but admired the ability and also it is how he feels love . He returns this love by doing anything to help, cleaning, treating to dinner/ shopping etc.
He runs his own home and it is always clean and tidy . I think he just enjoys being
Mothered but appreciates and
Respects it rather than expecting it.
When I make dinner for him, he reacts like I've just presented him with a Michelin starred meal and Goes on about it for a long time. He always insists on cleaning/ making
Coffee/ bringing dessert etc.
I have no interest in bringing a father figure into my children's lives. This question is solely to do with me as any relationship/ companionship that I may have in the future will not involve my kids. They are still
Young and at school. Their own father loves them and they have a lovely
Relationship with him now that we are not together anymore.

He is selfish in a way that he has only himself
To think about and knows from his family and friends that children are the most major freedom sacrifice that anyone will ever make.
He is not willing to sacrifice that part of himself at the moment.
He is selfless as a man and as a friend.

When I make dinner for him, he reacts like I've just presented him with a Michelin starred meal and Goes on about it for a long time.

Jesus, that would irritate the hell out of me!

My husband is 11 years younger than me and we’ve been together 15 years. If he’d expected nurturing or mothering though he’d have been very disappointed 😂 as it is, we are equals.

My DW is 9 years older than me. We've been together - happily - for decades.

I don't want her to mother me though. Ugh.

I don’t find the age gap odd. I find the “mothering” business weird though.

i am 10 years older than dh, I was 33 he was 23, together for 25 years, he bought dd up from 3 years old, we now have a wonderful adored grandchild, I have never served him a meal he has not thanked me for, even the bloody awful disaster one that you wish you hadnt bothered with

my only problem now is that I married a young man and someone has replaced him with an old fella who grunts when he does his shoes up!