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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move 18 month old into her own room?

24 replies

Grinandbionic · 15/01/2020 13:32

DD is 18 months old and will not go into a cot. Her sleeping is crap, she cosleeps and wakes all evening. Our room is on a different floor to hers and is quite noisy. She still breastfeeds.

AIBU to convert her cot into a toddler bed and move her to her own room, with a video monitor and a gate on the door? I feel like she's still so little, but the lack of adult time with DH is starting to impact on our marriage.

The problem too is I just don't know where to start - it feels like it would be very sudden to just put her in one day

OP posts:
Raver84 · 15/01/2020 13:34

Yes. Why not? She will wake you if she needs you there is no reason why she shouldn't be in a bed now.

Yellowcakestand · 15/01/2020 13:35

My son was 6 months old when he went into his own room. I wasn't getting sleep as every time he moved I was waking up and couldn't stand it any longer!

muddypuddles12 · 15/01/2020 13:37

The advice from lullaby trust is that baby only needs to sleep in the same room as you up until 6months. We moved my son into his own room at 4 months when he started sleeping through as we were waking him and disturbing him.

At 18 months it's v.old to still have her sleeping in your room and I'm sure she's more than ready to be in her own room, in fact I think it would probably benefit her hugely as no doubt you are disturbing her sleep significantly by being in the same room.

Why don't you start by doing her day nap in her own room and see how she does, then after a few days of daytime sleep in her own room you can slowly transition to night sleep in there x

Damntheman · 15/01/2020 13:37

Oh wow do it. Both of mine were under 7 days old when they went into their own rooms! I slept so much better afterwards. 18 months is a good age for it! Maybe consider putting just a mattress on the floor if you're worried she will roll out of the bed and hurt herself. I'd also recommend putting down a playmat to land on just in case if you do use the bed :) Go for it!

Ishotmrburns · 15/01/2020 13:43

18 months is very old to still have her in your room. I know some parents cosleep into toddlerhood but from a SIDS point of view you only need them in your room for the first 6 months.

Original poster
Grinandbionic · 15/01/2020 13:53

I have one of those ikea fold out crash mats to run along side her bed, and a bed guard.

For some reason I'm just very anxious about not having her right next to me. I think it's possibly because she'll be on a different floor (though it's not really a full staircase up, but a small attic staircase, I can see her bedroom door from mine)

Any tips for moving her?

OP posts:
Damntheman · 15/01/2020 14:02

Anxious is very normal :) You'll feel much better about it a couple of nights in.

At 18 months I'd suggest you get her involved in choosing her own bed sheets and decorations for the room. Let her make the room her own and get her excited about sleeping there and being a big girl with her own big girl bed. Assign one of her teddies to be her Bed Guardian so she won't feel scared or alone when it's time for bed time. And be prepared for bed time to take a Long Time (tm).

You could perhaps also look into getting a CD of lullabies for her to listen to ONLY when she goes to bed to keep her focused on something not you when you leave.

JasonPollack · 15/01/2020 14:05

Maybe start with naps in there so it's less for both of you?

Mrsducky88 · 15/01/2020 14:19

We did exactly this. Breastfed and cosleeping and then went into bed in her own room on a different floor. We did prep for a while and have the room set up, spent time playing in her room then did the whole bedtime routine (nappy change, pjs on, book, feed etc) in there for a couple of weeks before actually trying to put her to sleep. It went amazingly well, no tears and she goes to bed easily still at 2.5

Original poster
Grinandbionic · 15/01/2020 15:23

@Mrsducky88 so you did the bedtime routine upstairs in her own room but then brought her back into your room to sleep for a few weeks? I had thought of doing that but wasn't sure if it would confuse her. I might start doingthat then

OP posts:
Mrsducky88 · 15/01/2020 15:55

Yes exactly, made it a gradual thing, I didn’t want lots of stress and tears and that seemed like the easiest way. She still occasionally cosleeps if poorly but goes back in her room no problem after a night or 2

mumme111 · 15/01/2020 15:57

My daughter was 6 weeks old when she went in her own room and she slept so much better x

WeirdPookah · 15/01/2020 16:00

I have this same problem. Mine is 19months and we are only just decorating her room which us on the next floor up from ours. It makes me anxious about her being on a different floor as well. So going to be watching for advice!

Original poster
Grinandbionic · 15/01/2020 16:03

@Mrsducky88 thanks, that's really reassuring. I don't want any tears either. How was it having her on a different floor? It's like a psychological block for me at the moment, even though as my HV pointed out, she's closer to us than some people in bigger houses with the nursery on the same floor!

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 15/01/2020 16:06

YANBU both mine were like dan and in own rooms from couple of weeks old. They both slept better in a cosy room. Never had any problems getting them settled.
I don't know how easy it will be at 18 months - perhaps you could involve them in choosing some nice things for in there & make it exciting. A toddler bed may well be safer as they can't climb and get stuck in the bars. Worst thing is they may roll out.
Just make sure you have stair gates etc. - pretty sure they will let you know if they want you!?!

Ch3m · 15/01/2020 16:10

We've very recently done the same thing (we just moved into a bigger house where she has her own room). She has gone from cosleeping and breastfeeding a million times a night to sleeping through the night in a toddler bed instantly. It's been 3 weeks and I just don't know what to do with myself now haha. Do it!

Mrsducky88 · 15/01/2020 16:11

Honestly it did take a bit of getting used to, don’t think I slept any better for the first couple of weeks but it’s fine, I can easily be down the stairs quickly (even at 35 weeks pregnant) and still have a sound monitor on now so I can hear if she wakes in the night.

user1493413286 · 15/01/2020 16:16

For an 18 month old I’d make it fun and exciting; when we put DD into a toddler bed at 20 months I made a big deal about her “big girl bed” and duvet and got her to show it off to people (her grandparents mainly) and she was quite excited by it all.
I’d also decide on a plan and keep to it with her staying in her bed. At one point my DD got into the habit of coming into our bed and I decided that she wasn’t going to do that any more and I’d give her a cuddle in her room and put her back to bed; sometimes I’d have to lay on her floor for a bit but once she understood that we weren’t going to my bed she accepted going back into her bed, I had to stick to it though even if she’d been up several times as I knew if i broke it then that would be it.

JosefKeller · 15/01/2020 16:16

All mine were moved into their own rooms at 3 month old!

At 1 and 1/2, they can walk and talk, I am sure she can call when she needs you! The longer you leave the harder it might get though, so making a big fuss of her lovely new bed, new bedding might be appealing.

Original poster
Grinandbionic · 15/01/2020 18:21

Ch3m what age is yours? That's my dream!

Thanks for the advice all, I feel a whole lot better at the idea now

OP posts:
MissB83 · 15/01/2020 18:40

I moved house with my son when he was almost 18 months old. He has never really slept in a cot and co slept with me for a long period up until then. This was the first time we had space for a room of his own. I moved him in there with a toddler bed, quickly removed the gate off his bedroom doorway but just have one at the top of the stairs. He has been absolutely fine, he can shout or walk and find me when he wakes up.

MissB83 · 15/01/2020 18:41

I should add that it has helped his sleep a lot; with me he would be awake every 2-3 hours but now he will do at least 7-8 hours o his own (he's 2 next month).

Skysblue · 15/01/2020 20:46

Ok so my child was also bad at sleep. Hugs! It’s so hard and so unfair. I quit breastfeeding because everyone said it would make him sleep better. It did not. I read the gentle sleep books. They didn’t help. I read the tough love books. They didn’t help either. Kids develop at different rates and for some sleeping through is a real struggle.

Things that went well:

  • having him in his own room on a floor mattress big enough for both of us, with me sneaking off once he was asleep.
  • when he was old enough (age 3 for us) doing gradual retreat and negotiating that I would stay on the same house floor with him if he stayed in bed, but if he got out of bed I would go downstairs and leave him upstairs (stairgate). He was furious but it worked after 3 days of rage (him) and stubbornness (me).

Things that went badly:

  • gradual retreat before age 3
  • pickup put down
  • ‘putting him down after eating but while still awake.’ When is this magic time?? He slept while he ate. (Tried waking him to eat. He yelled at me for hours. Me not make that mistake again.)
  • putting him in a single bed. I ended up sleeping cramped next to him every time he had a nightmare / a cold / etc. Many backaches. The double mattress on the floor was way way better.
  • quitting breastfeeding before we were both ready. A big regret especially the first time he got flu and I no longer had the magic antibiotic warm drink.

Good luck. It will get better. Ours magically taught himself to sleep through the night eventually. Sort of. At age 3.

Don’t worry too much about husband time. Grown ups cope. You haven’t had one of those babies who snooze all evening while you have couple time, that’s just the luck of the draw.

Fingers crossed for you.

DonnaDarko · 16/01/2020 08:38

I agree with @user1493413286. Make a big deal out of her being in a big girl room. Have her help you buy some bedding for the room and make it sound like a positive change - because it is!

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